to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

pinklace - I think you need help

Parenting is not all about control. It is about teaching children how to behave appropriately in different circumstances.

Once I trust my children enough to do things alone without me being there to 'control' them, then both they and I know that I will let them have the independence to do things alone.

I'm not at school with them, and nor do the teachers 'control' them (they direct them & encourage them to learn)

You really have to learn to let go, even if it is a gradual process. You will make both yourself and your children miserable and paranoid otherwise....

If we think of the 'golden age' of childhood it would be the Enid Blyton age where adults were secure figures in the background but children could go out in the morning with picnics and bikes and be back by tea time, and not a mobile phone invented.I don't think that anyone would say that this was making DCs grow up too soon! I also don't think that anyone would deny that this would be the ideal, if we were in a perfect world. Unfortunately, as we know only too well, this isn't the case- but I do think we ought to try to allow our DCs some freedom.
I find that a lot of people are over protective and then they get to a certain age, between 11 and 14 and they suddenly allow them to do things. They then get problems because there has been no gradual build up, and some of them have no common sense. I think it much better to start with very small things and work up in a very gradual way.
I fail to see how giving a DC a bit of independence at 9 yrs old, so they can do exciting activities (if they wish) is making them grow up too fast. I wouldn't have thought that joining a ski class was taking away childhood-on the contrary, I would have thought that it was what childhood was all about!

errr seeker, I was threatened with a stabbing 20 yards from our local cinema and as I said earlier, have witnessed at least 5 o5 6 confontations in the last few years in the cinema/foyer between gangs of youths.

I find it "incomprehensible" that you feel that not letting 9 year olds go to the cinema unaccompanied is so risible when you know nothing of the area, the children or indeed the cinema that people are using as their point of reference.

The only person that I can control is myself!
I can show my DCs how to behave by setting a good example and I can have rules that we all follow to live together.
I do not have to control them in the cinema-I trust them to behave appropriately.

i am not on here for you to be rude, i could be rude to you but i will not lower myslef to your level. i know how to parent and i feel sorry for you but you could go to classes if your doubting yourslef good luck with it and all the best in the future

One day, pinklace, you will have no control at all-they can legally do whatever they please. My aim is for them to be well balanced, happy adults, able to be able to earn their own living and be fully independent. I do this, not by control, but by teaching them to manage risk, take decisions for themselves and have faith in themselves-in a very gradual way, from birth.I don't wait until they are going to secondary school or 14 or 15, or in some cases never!

I do see the sense in what some are saying about knowing the area. We used to go to 'a' cinema, one screen (yes I'm old). The large multi screen cinema which is local to us, must have at least 7 screens and can seat nearly 1,400 people, not that it can be full at one time I expect, but it can be a rather busy place. Not that it may be relevant but as skiing and horse riding have been discussed I thought I share that fact.

its amazing i made one word mistake and get attacked for it just because i do not agree with you and never will and YOU say i need help

do you think you can set a good example or do you tell yourslef that?

?

What was the one word mistake?

I'm sorry, but I really don't understand your posts, pinklace....

i knew a girl she thought she was been kind and giving her children freedom and setting a good example turns out she had her kids taken off her and GUESS WHAT she still thinks shes a good parent

I know that I set a good example pinklace.

sorry dont understand yours either could you cornflakey care to explain

I haven't said a word about giving freedom, I have boundries. DCs like boundries. I said that I give gradual independence, that is entirely different.

Agree Pisces - boundaries are not the same as freedom.

Boundaries are very important for good parenting and socialisation though IMO.

the girl i knew was rude too just couldnt understand how she thought that was good parenting

Crikey - is this thing still going on???

Funnily enough I asked my 9-year-old this afternoon if he could imagine/ would like to go to the cinema on his own with a friend.

He looked at me quizzically, and said, "Yes, probably..." then "but if you're not there, who's going to buy the sweets?"

yes thats what little children are supposed to think about is mom buying the sweets not is she going to be their for me when i get out of the cinema on my own

Oh bog off pinkface....

I'm a very mean mum then because I never buy sweets in the cinema!

Is it one of your 'boundaries' ?

(To be honest, nor do I, but I think DH does...)

I resent the price they charge, so I always took a few in my bag. I could then bypass them airily saying 'I already have sweets'-I don't think my DSs were impressed-probably why they refused to go with me in the end!!

you lie too great parentingit gets better you say i need help knew i was right