to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

FWIW, even though I agree with Seeker and others that at the age of 9 it is perfectly acceptable to go to the cinema unaccompanied, I agree with Dicksbird that it was remiss of the other parent to just assume that she would be OK with it. I have always been ultra careful with other people's kids as you simply cannot know how much freedom they have been allowed.

Still too young.

yes this is true.no disrespect to any of them,but i've noticed that some parents who have older children don't have the same inhibitions about letting their children do grown up stuff.i can remember my dd1 coming home from a friend's house...about 2 years ago now so she was about 8ish...and told me she'd been in the park with her two friends of the same age.This was at 7pm in the evening and wasn't exactly right next to where the parents lived.I knew the parent in this case and told him I was a bit shocked.He just shrugged and smiled and said,"keep forgetting how young they are"!...He has a 14 and 16 yr old...Same parent took my dd cycling on the road once.I knew nothing about it and it wasn't even her sized bike!!!I was shocked.Again,he's a good friend and my dd thought it was wonderful!!!

"in case they go to the toilet and cant find there way back" oh am so sorry if this offends but hhhhhhaaaaahhhhaaaaaaaaaaa!

IF at 9 my Dd1 cant find her way back from the toilet to a very large numbered screen, I would be seriously worried!!!

FWIW my Dd1 is nearly 8, I DONT let her go to the cinema alone, or anywhere else other than playing up and down our close for hours on end often till late in the summer
I asked her last night when she thought her and her best friend would be old enough to go to the cinema themselves - she though about it shrugged and said maybe 9 or 10 !!!

Dicksbird - what about the list of horse related risks? Presumably your dd won't be allowed to go riding again?

'It is absolutely not the responsibility of the staff to make sure your dc are looked after in a situation.'

The staff are not responsible for your DCs but if something unexpected happens like a power cut they are responsible. If they refused a request to phone parents-when it was their fault arrangements had changed- I would go to the local paper, they wouldn't like it and so they wouldn't do it!

I was also 100% sure that if taken to the cinema they wouldn't disappear elsewhere. If you can't trust your DCs and think they are devious or have no common sense then I wouldn't suggest leaving them in the first place. You have to know your DC.

I still would imagine that the pony club or taking them to the cinema in the car, has far more risk than sitting in a cinema seat for the length of a film. If an adult was taking mine on the trip I would have far more worries about their driving skills than the actual cinema.

Oh I have no problem with this.I think 8.30 is ok actually.
I clicked on thinking you meant a later showing...and was going to say yanbu... but completly selfishly from the point of view that when i do occasionally get to go the cinema (in the evening minus kids) i don't want to see anyone elses kids there!

I think some people have the idea that once our kids are walking/talking some of us just kick them out and let them fend for themselves. NO. It's a gradual process, and I guess from the comments that some of us have DC's who are more mature and often NEED you to trust them to build their confidence and self-esteem. That's not putting anyone's kids down, it just comes down to some kids being ready more quickly than others, they all develop differently.

I still refute the 'lazy' tag though - just because I choose to trust DD doesn't mean I get to live it up for a while - usually I'm sitting and waiting for her to come back, or when I've left her at home for a short while I'm rushing to get back home. I get just as anxious as anyone, I'm sure. I strongly believe though that sometimes my fears have to come second to her need for some independence.

And Hayley, am I right in thinking you posted on a thread a month or so ago about child abuse? Something about you never let anyone outside the family look after your kids? Apologies if it wasn't you, but if it was I sincerely hope you talk to someone about getting your anxiety into proportion.

It makes me laugh that you are thought to want to 'get rid' of them to live it up! I let them take opportunities because I think it is good for them.
My local swimming pool let them go unaccompanied at 8 yrs to special children's fun mornings in the holiday. There is no way I would have wanted to swim while they were all shrieking on inflatables. There were life guards, they were good swimmers.TheY weren't signed in-no one was in charge. I popped and did the supermarket shop. Even if I had sat in the foyer with a coffee I couldn't have seen them so I don't see the difference. If I was in the swimming pool I can't actually see them without my glasses!
I would call that a similar situation.
If I took them ice skating I either skated or sat and watched because there was a real possibility of injury. You have to weigh up the risks. Cinema at 6.30pm is low IMO.

We also have to bear in mind that although we keep saying 9 yr old, they were Yr 5 and one DD was 10 yrs and the other 2 will be 10yrs within the next 15/16 weeks-probably much less than that.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this, not because I fear abduction or anything similar but because I feel it places too much responsibility on young children.

When I was 9, we were visiting London and staying in a rented flat. My Mother went out to the hairdresser's to get her hair done and left me alone. There was an IRA bomb scare and the police stood outside the building with loudpeakers ordering everyone to evacuate the building. I was very upset by it all.

Childrens behaviour is reflected by what is expected. For example, many of my friends did not expect their dcs to put own shoes on (be able to iyswim as opposed to would do) or wipe their own bottoms at 2.5yo. I did and mine can, theirs can't. I have high expectations, not unrealistic ones though. They have achieved to my expectations because I take time to show them things and allow time for practicing things.
With older children, they need practice to have responsibility and make decisions or cope in unusual circumstances. Parents should be asking the questions 'what would you do if this happened' etc and then doing a trial run perhaps allowing them to go into the shopping centre while you are around but go to different shops, arranging to meet at a set time and ensuring they know what to do if you miss each other.
Once that goal is achieved set another i.e. allowed to go on the bus to town with friends but has to be back at a set time. Every time stretching the limits that bit further, until it becomes routine and easily achievable. We can only learn through practice, experience is key to understanding anything.
In the work place I could talk anyone through a laparoscopic cholecystectomy but until you had seen it and practiced doing it, you wouldn't understand it thoroughly.

YANBU about the parent asking permission.
FWIW I don't think at 9 YABU to say no atm if you feel she wasn't ready.

However, it is unreasonable to walk a 12yo to the school bus and phone to check he got there and same for the return. (unless he is on Bentilee when there would be good reason!)

I had a flat mate at uni who had been very sheltered, similar to a post further down. Poor girl had no idea how to cope out in the big wide world without Mummy or Daddy running around after her. Couldn't cook, couldn't look after herself or work out how to get around - she was in danger because she hadn't got any of those life skills those of us with sensible parents had developed before we left home.

Luckily for her all of us flatmates looked out for her. Had she been in halls, or just had different flatmates, she might have been in a lot of trouble.

Also had another friend who had always been ferried about. First time he caught a train was on his way to university - so daft he thought there was ONE train that went to everywhere on the indicator boards, and ended up on the wrong one.

This was a lad going off to Cambridge...

I do have to laugh at people saying we expect them to grow up so fast now! FGS 100 years ago children as young as 5 were sent down the pits to work! Many children were expected to walk long distances to sell or buy things from markets. It was expected, they did it. Thats not to say I think its right, just that children are capable of far more than some give them credit for.
At 13 yo I was on my way to the stables across fields and came across a boy who had badly cut his leg on some wire. I carried him to my house ( about quarter of a mile), cleaned the wound, asked where he lived and his name, looked his number up, phoned her to collect him explaining that I had dressed it but it may need stitching
I also bandaged my dads shattered ankle and helped with his physio twice a day when he fell from a 40ft ladder and shattered his heel bone at 12 yo. The bandaging was so good that the consultant commented and asked my mother if she had done it. She said 'you must be joking my daughter did it!' She said 'is she a nurse? Mum said 'Nooo, she is 12!'

btw, I taught ds his name, our names, address and phone numbers as soon as he was able to memorise them - somewhere around age three. And that if he ever gets lost, he should go up to a Mummy with children, someone behind the counter in a shop wearing uniform, or a police officer/traffic warden etc. etc. So from being very tiny, he's known what to do if there's a problem and for some reason I'm not there to sort things out.

We are building on that all the time, with lots of discussions about 'what would you do if...' so by the time he does get a little more freedom, hopefully the messages will have sunk in.

Same here Edam, mine knows her full name, address, also to ask for help if she gets lost.

I don't really see what letting a 9 year old go unaccompanied to the cinema has to do with an 18 year old not being able to cook and look after themselves. As it happens, my 9 year old can cook competently, is an excellent skier and horse rider (and certainly has known her name, address and phone number from a very young age)etc but I still wouldn't be comfortable with this.

I just feel that you are potentially exposing them to a situation which they may not have the judgement to deal with. I would be concerned at one of them going to the loo by themselves during the film and I would also be concerned that they could be the target of bullying teenage boys. I don't think for a minute that they would come to any great harm but they could have an upsetting experience

Reach they could quite easily have a bullying or upsetting experience at school. Would you then home school?

No because I know that while they are at school they are in the care of the teachers and other responsible adults.

Even if I were at the cinema with him, if my ds - aged 8 - wants to go the loo during the film, he goes on his own now. He knows where it is - and I am certtainly not going to accompany him into the gents . It's been a long tme since he went in to the Ladies with me.

So I genuinely don't understadn the concern about "what happens if they want to go to the loo?"

So people let their children take part in potentially life threatening sports but won't let them take the minute risk of 'an upsetting experience" at the cinema. Bizarre!

But at least if you were with him you would know how long he had been gone for and then presumably would go off and look for him if he was gone more than 5 miutes or so (i.e. if he couldn't figure out where the loo was or got confused as to which cinema the film was showing in on his return). I am of course assuming this is at a large multi-plex in a city but I haven't read all the posts.

Well I don't think it's especially bizarre Seeker. I don't let my daughter ride or ski without fully protective gear and nor does she do it alone.

As it happens, 2 months ago a teenage girl threatened to slit my throat as I was parking the car outside our nearest Blockbuster. She did this whilst inches away from me and indicating she had a knife in her pocket (I had politely asked her and her friend if they'd mind moving slightly so I could get the car into the spot). It really brought home to me the sort of people who are walking the streets.

In any event, the balance of opinions on here show that to a lot of people, it wouldbe a concern.

"It really brought home to me the sort of people who are walking the streets." A horrible experience. But the children in the OP were not out on the street or in a car park, the were being dropped off at a cinema to see an age appropriate film, then being picked up afterwards.

Did you see my list of potential hores related accidents?

True - but if he were there with friends in a year or so's time (ie the age group of the OP), I would have given the group instructions as to what to do. Not sure what though - as it is not an issue at the moment - and I am also not someone who tends to worry about gents loos. I take the view that there is such a through-put in a place like a mulitplex, it would be difficult for anyone to get up to anything nefarious. And we have had the chat with ds about nobody doing anything to him that he is unconfortable with.