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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

501 replies

dicksbird · 19/04/2009 15:42

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

OP posts:
prettybird · 21/04/2009 14:53

True - but if he were there with friends in a year or so's time (ie the age group of the OP), I would have given the group instructions as to what to do. Not sure what though - as it is not an issue at the moment - and I am also not someone who tends to worry about gents loos. I take the view that there is such a through-put in a place like a mulitplex, it would be difficult for anyone to get up to anything nefarious. And we have had the chat with ds about nobody doing anything to him that he is unconfortable with.

reach4sky · 21/04/2009 14:59

Well the Blockbuster is next to the Cinema as it happens so that was probably where she was headed.

I am aware of how dangerous horse riding is but I do everything I can to minimise the risk and implications of an accident. Similarly, until I feel my daughter has the level of maturity to deal with something like the incident I describe, I'll go to the cinema with her. I would imagine that in another 2 years or so I would feel confident in letting her go unaccompanied but not at 9.

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 15:02

Agreed reach. 11 or 12 is fine with me. Once they are at senior school and learning to cope and push boundaries.

Thats still younger than I would have been allowed.

9 is way too young.

OP posts:
cutekids · 21/04/2009 15:10

i think we all have to agree to disagree here.when i look back,my mum used to leave me the key when she went out to work...dad was on shifts so sometimes he was there but in bed and sometimes i was left alone.I was 9!Although I truly trust my kids and think they're all actually quite wise...they don't live a sheltered life by any means...I just think that maybe 9 is a bit young.Having said that,my kids have been getting themselves showered and dressed etc.for years and even my mum told me I was lazy for letting them do it on their own!!!I think we all have differen ideas about different things.As someone has already said,you have to know your own child to decide what they are and aren't ready for.

reach4sky · 21/04/2009 15:14

In any event, the differing views clearly show that when it comes to other people's children, you shouldn't make assumptions about what is and isn't acceptable.

prettybird · 21/04/2009 15:17

I think everyone has agreed that the other parent shouldn't have assumed that it was OK - even if they personally would have been OK with it.

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 16:01

A happy ending!!

OP posts:
pinklace · 21/04/2009 16:39

a little girl went to the loo in asda and was raped while her mom was shopping

prettybird · 21/04/2009 16:49

This has been covered elsewhere on this thread, but the reason we know about occasions like that is because they are so rare.

The vast majoirty of abuse occurs in the home. I have friends who are GPs and another friend who heads up a team of social workers who deal with children who have been abused and they get most agitated about this perception that the danger is "out there". It is mostly in the home: the odds of it happening somwhere lese are tiny.

OrmIrian · 21/04/2009 16:52

Not sure what that proves though lace. The little girl was with her mother. Not in Asda alone. It only proves that on the rare occasions that children do get attacked the attackers are devious and determined.

titchy · 21/04/2009 16:55

While things like that are shocking pinklace it's just as awful to happen if your dc is in their late teens, and I'm sure no-one would follow their 18 year old to the loo.

titchy · 21/04/2009 16:57

What you would do though is make sure your 18 year old had been exposed to situations gradually and safely so that they had developed a reaslistic sense of self-preservation and were able to judge whether someone was acting strangely and to get out of the situation if the need arose.

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 17:08

So I have another 9 years before I need worry then

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/04/2009 17:08

The girl in question was 11 or 12 IIRC. What happened was shocking, but you can't seriously use that very unusual case as an excuse for never letting an 11 or 12 year old out of your sight.

pinklace · 21/04/2009 18:02

i didnt say she WAS alone i quote'her mother was shopping'

pinklace · 21/04/2009 18:04

i think an 18 year knows how to handle and maybe be stronger than a little girl dont you think????

pinklace · 21/04/2009 18:06

no the girl was younger than that the boy that done it was 12 or 13

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/04/2009 18:41

There is a report here The girl was 11. The rapist was 15.

Podrick · 21/04/2009 18:45

My 9 year old goes to bed at 7.30pm so I would not let her see a film that ended at 8.30pm regardless!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/04/2009 18:47

But this was as part of a sleepover party Podrick. Not a normal evening. Has your nine year old NEVER stayed up later than 7.30pm?

Podrick · 21/04/2009 18:49

I try not to let her as it makes her EVIL the next day as she always gets up at 6.30am!

spicemonster · 21/04/2009 18:54

I don't know about that pinklace - I was raped as a fully formed adult woman so not being half the size I am wasn't much use to me!

Just out of interest, those of you who think that secondary school is a good place to start allowing your children out of sight for more than 30 seconds, don't you think it's going to be a really fast introduction? They're okay to go to the cinema on their own at 12 but they might be pregnant by 13. Or married by 16. Or have left home.

That doesn't strike me as a very long time to learn the life skills required to avoid getting into some pretty hairy situations as a teenager.

And that's why I have an issue with it. I will be gradually letting go over a period of years, your approach is akin to taking the stabilisers off their bicycles before they've wobbled round the park twice.

piscesmoon · 21/04/2009 19:28

'I don't really see what letting a 9 year old go unaccompanied to the cinema has to do with an 18 year old not being able to cook and look after themselves.'

I think it has got absolutely everything to do with it. DCs get responsibility gradually.
My DS goes to university in 5 months (fingers crossed). He is going from a village to a city. He is legally allowed to go anywhere, buy alcohol. He will have new friends that I don't know. If I try to phone his tutors to find out how he is doing they won't tell me. I will know nothing about his finances-if I phone the bank they won't tell me anything. It is down to him. I have to hope that I have prepared him, he can cook, do his washing, budget and meet deadlines for work. Those of you who have young DCs will think it is ages away-it goes with incredible speed!

I would have thought they would have been able to sit through a film without a visit to the loo. Even when I took my 2 with just me when they were 5 and 6 it would have been a problem. One had to be left. I can just imagine the fuss if the one that didn't need to go was forced out at the most exciting part-I think that I would have had to gone and left one sitting on their own. Luckily they never needed to go-I took them first.

I would make the assumption that a 9 or 10 year old was only having a sleep over with someone you knew well. I wouldn't have let mine go to a house where I didn't think the family would make sensible decisions. At least they were watching an age appropriate film-if they are with a family where you don't trust their judgement they could be watching all sorts of unsuitable material in the home!

I suppose that we all have our own comfort zone-a good reason to consult the other parents first.
I have been utterly amazed in my area to find parents who are very protective suddenly relax at about 14 yrs, they then let them do all sorts of things that I wouldn't let mine do!

pinklace · 21/04/2009 19:33

that is an awful thing to happen to you spicemonster as it is a poor little girl or boy for that matter. im leaving the thread because i do not think that a 8 or 10 year old children should be left at the cinema without an adult i can feel an arguement brewing

spicemonster · 21/04/2009 19:42

pinklace - I'm just pointing out that we can all occasionally be vulnerable. And however much our parents love and protect us, bad things can happen. I am not trying to pick a fight and I apologise if my post came across that way but I read piscesmoon's post and I can totally and utterly see the sense in that. My DS is still very young so I haven't had to really deal with this yet but I am going to force myself to allow him to do stuff that makes me want to scream inside because I know that's the only way he will learn to protect himself.

I worry about today's children, I really do.