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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

501 replies

dicksbird · 19/04/2009 15:42

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

OP posts:
daftpunk · 21/04/2009 10:40

ds is 9...i would have been ok with it tbh.

macdoodle · 21/04/2009 10:42

NO ONE disputed you should have been asked/told - no one at all!!
In fact IIR I posted very very early on saying exactly that!

OrmIrian · 21/04/2009 10:45

Yes children may well grow up too early. But that doesn't come from giving them independence.

piscesmoon · 21/04/2009 10:49

I would never take a DC out like that without consulting the parent-I tend to be ultra cautious with other people's DCs.
However,I do think that some of you are getting it out of all proportion.
If I was doing it, I would drive to the cinema. Park the car. Walk in with them, buy the tickets-accompany them to the right screen and see them walk through(having made sure they went to the tiolet first). I would have asked the exact finishing time as I bought the ticket and I would be back in the foyer of the cinema to meet them as they walked out-I would be about 10 minutes early to allow for hold ups. I would have told them where to wait in the unexpected possibility of being late and it would be inside the cinema where they could be seen by staff. I wouldn't expect troublesome teens to be in that sort of film at 6.30 pm and as it should be silent I don't see how they can bully. I would expect them to move seats if they were not happy with the person next to them. I wouldn't mention powercuts-I would expect them to use common sense.
All they would have done is watch a film-I would have seen them through the door and received them back from the door.

piscesmoon · 21/04/2009 10:51

sorry toilet -typing too fast.

seeker · 21/04/2009 11:03

"I can think of any number of things that may have gone wrong causing physical or emotional harm."

A lot of people have said things like this but haven't given details except for a power cut (when presumably the cinema staff would take charge) and a fire (ditto).

Apart from these two vanishingly unlikely possibilities, what else could happen?

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 11:09

ok.

Fire , terrorist attack , power cut , one of them choking , falling out and one running off , getting locked in the loo, sexually assaulted/raped , theft of purses , abduction.........shall I go on ?

OP posts:
seeker · 21/04/2009 11:12

You forgot alien abduction......

Presumably you would let a 12 year old go to the cinema with friends. I really don't think a 12 year old - or a 45 year old for that matter would be better prepared to deal with most of those eventualities than a 9 year old!

ruddynorah · 21/04/2009 11:16

'one of them choking' farkin hell. on a lychee stone?

seeker · 21/04/2009 11:16

And how the are they going to get sexually assaulted or raped in a family cinema at 6.30?

The reason you occasionally read about awful things happening to children in the papers is because it is incredibly, vanishingly, rare.

Presumably you take your child and other children in the car? Or let your dd's parents drive her in theirs? She is a SIGNIFICANTLY more risk then than at the cinema!

ruddynorah · 21/04/2009 11:24

and of course they are significantly more at risk of being abducted/raped/assaulted/abused by a member of their own family than a stranger.

Gmarksthespot · 21/04/2009 11:33

It is absolutely not the responsibility of the staff to make sure your dc are looked after in a situation. That is your job. And I lol at the idea that these 9 yo are staying calm and serene through these situations.

I have repeatedly said that I personally am not overly worried about paedophiles so am a bit tired of that being continually brought up.

A few years back in my home town there was a big hoohaa in the paper about girls from the local grammar school doling out blowjobs to boys in the cinema every Saturday afternoon. Any film they would have been in would have been pg as they were about 14 at the time. Would have been lovely for my dd to see that going on .

seeker - I never said angry mobs of 8yo in shops. You posted that you let your dc go to cinemas and shops. I posted groups of teens hanging around and carrying on. I will continue to discuss it if you stick to the comments posted.

I still fail to see how "lazy effer" (of which I took the word effer back) is far more offensive than being repeatedly told that I am raising a useless child and I am causing her untold damage.

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 11:42

quite gspot. It is not the responsibility of the staff to look after unaccompanied minors.

Maybe my nine year old is young and immature but to be honest in the light of some of the views expressed on here I would be more than happy for her to stay that way.

She is still a child and will not for a good long while yet be allowed to go into town or the cinema alone and hang out.

Im grateful that her saturdays are spent playing sport for her school or down at Pony Club at The Stables.

OP posts:
Madsometimes · 21/04/2009 11:48

I have an 8 year old in year 4, so a little younger, but not much. I would be a little peeved if this situation had happened. When I drop my dd off at a sleepover, I expect the child's parent to supervise her. So if a trip to the cinema is made, I would expect an adult to accompany. If I was asked beforehand, would you object to me dropping the children off at the cinema for 2 hours alone, then I could give my answer (which probably would not be yes quite yet).

Last Christmas we went to Disney on Ice with some friends, and as we had made two bookings we had a block of 3 and a separate block of 5 seats nearish each other, but not within looking distance. We allowed our 8 yo dd's to sit alone, while the mums sat with the younger ones. My dd and another were fine, but the third one got quite upset by the interval. Luckily it was not a sell out, so after the interval we moved together. What I mean by this is that you never can really tell how other people's children will react, so it is better to err on the safe side.

Madsometimes · 21/04/2009 11:50

However, AFAIK it is perfectly legal for a child to go to the cinema alone from the age of 8.

Gmarksthespot · 21/04/2009 11:51

I need to forget this thread.

I am never going to agree with dc in that age group going to the cinema alone. I just couldn't do it. That is my personal choice with my dc. You are entitled to your personal choice with your dc.

Each to their own.

I reiterate that I retracted 'effers'. I still feel the same about it benefiting (sp?) the parents more than the dc. That is my personal opinion. It is probably because the parents I know personally who allow it are usually cheering and yahooing about getting rid of their kids for a couple of hours for some peace.

It's been an interesting discussion.

seeker · 21/04/2009 11:59

last post because either my head or the brick wall is going to be damaged.

"go into town or the cinema alone and hang out."

This did not happen. They were dropped off to watch an age appropriate film then picked up afterwards.

We are talking assessment of risk. Your dd (and mine as well) is MUCH more likely to come to harm at Pony Club or while being driven there. I just do not understand why this is so difficult to understand. If you want to protect your child from harm, keep her away from cars and horses and let her go to the cinema.

prettybird · 21/04/2009 12:10

Persoanlly, I would be OK about dropping off and picking up kids of that age - but I wouldn't have assumed that another parent was OK and would have checked. That also assumes I know the characters of the kids involved: ds for example and certain of his friends would be fine, but in combination with other of his friends perhaps wouldn't be.

In theory, he can now go swimming unaccompanied as he is over 8. I am thinking of letting him going with one of his (sinsible and slightly older) frends - whose mother I know also encourages his independence. First time, I owuld probably take a magazine and sit in the cafe in view of the swimming pool - but later on I may decide that they are OK for an hour or so (pre-defined).

Now I think that is much riskier than going to sit in a cinema to watch a film in the early evening.

Gmark - I do sometimes make comments to friends that I am getting "a few hours freedom" when ds is way doing something else (eg at a birthday party) and we are indeed looking forward to the fact that he can start walking to school on his own again (delyed 'cos of a broken leg). But that is said half in jest: an the preparation for letting him walk to school was, if anything, more time conmsuming initially, as it involved trailing him and trying not to loet him see that we were following him to ensure that he did "follow the rules" we had given him (hen knew that we sometimes followed him)

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 12:33

agree to disagree seeker. Im with gspot.

Nothing will ever presuade me that a 9 year old is old enough to go to the cinema unaccompanied.

next we will be making parents redundant when all children reach 10. LOL.

OP posts:
seeker · 21/04/2009 12:35

But don't you see my point about the dangers of being around horses?

AGGGGGG I posted again!

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 12:37

yes I do.............AAAAgh me too. But that is a risk I can assess.

being unaccompanied in a public place for 2 hours is not.

OP posts:
singersgirl · 21/04/2009 12:44

I would be a little bit annoyed that the friend's mother hadn't checked with me first, but other than that, it sounds like a very reasonable arrangement. I can't really see what harm a group of sensible 9 and 10 year old girls are going to come too sitting down watching a film in the early evening. They presumably can find their way to their seats, go to the toilet on their own, wash their hands, buy a drink if they need to, and find their way outside to wait. If anything had gone terribly wrong, they could have asked the cinema staff to call home for them and I'm sure they would have.

I wouldn't have done it with DS1 and his best friend at 9 because they were too silly, but at 10 now he would be fine.

cutekids · 21/04/2009 12:46

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I repeat anyone else's input.I have a dd who is nearly 11.ds who is nearly 10 and a dd who is nearly 9.They all walk to school on their own....no proper roads to cross except for where the lollipop lady stands.However,I still panic every morning when i'm waving them off.I've allowed this since September after realizing that dd1 needed to get used to walking alone to High School this September.However,I have to admit,I don't think I would let them (10 and 9 yr olds)go to the pictures on their own yet.I think of things like...what if they go to the toilet and can't find their way back/what if they do actually leave the cinema as soon as I turn my back? etc. After reading this though,maybe i'm being far too over protective myself.I have to admit I was surprised how many people would allow their children to stay in the cinema on their own.

Original poster
dicksbird · 21/04/2009 12:50

yes cutekids I have been suprised too. I am amzed that 9 is considered responsible. They are still very young.

OP posts:
seeker · 21/04/2009 12:52

car backfires - horse spooks.
dc walks behind horse - horse kicks out.
pheasant goes up - horse spooks
girth breaks dc falls off
horse has heart attack and falls on rider
bridle breaks - horse bolts, dd falls off
horse swings round, crushes dd against the wall
horse misjudges jump - falls on top of rider
lunatic driver runs into horse on road
dc puts muck fork through foot
dc gets Lyme disease from tick in horse field

All these thongs have happened to me or people that I have known over my life. 2 of these people died.

In 45 years I have not known a single person come to any harm while at the cinema.