to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

Oh are we back to netti-oke again Hayley? To be clear, parents paid for the upkeep while I paid for lessons. Oh and had Saturday slave labour employment where I had to cycle or catch a bus to get there, independently

Am I on drugs?

farkin hell...can't belive what this descended into....towards the end was like reading an arguemnt on you tube....quite nasty on both sides...although seeker you made me lol a lot!!!

OMGT somebody mentioned Bentilee

I had to leave this thread as it wasn't a reasonable argument. Everyone on the "for" side just keep muttering about paedophiles and incapable adults.

There are many more scenarios then the extremes. I have been in a cinema when there was a power cut and they couldn't restore it. We were refunded tickets and went home an hour early. What do kids on their own without a mobile do? It is not the cinema staff's job to look after them.

Paedophiles are the least of my worries. Am more interested in groups of teens who think it is funny to p*ss with other kids. And it happens a lot.

I think 8 and 10 yo is too young for an outing alone for a couple of hours.

For those posters who keep talking about 13 and 15 yo's I have never mentioned once that they are too young.

My dd is 10. She has plenty of freedoms - she walks to school with friends sometimes, she stays home alone sometimes, I send her into shops and supermarkets on her own, she manages herself with her teachers and coaches on her own, she sorts out problems with her friends on her own, she looks after her brothers in the mornings until I get up as I am a night worker. I just don't agree with a cinema or shopping centre on her own with friends yet. In my mind I am thinking 13ish. A good 5 years of solid independence before she can buy her ticket to Thailand.

seeker - my local shopping centre always has yobs around. They are screaming out and swearing at each other, fights break out, shoplifting, teenage couples who should be booking a hotel room not shopping. I don't want my dd in that alone.

I take back effers. I don't take back lazy. Yes we all have to teach our dc independence. It doesn't have to be rammed down their throats by the age of 10. I hardly see how a trip to the cinema alone is going to make them successful, capable adults. I think it takes a bit more than that.

Well, I am not going to mention drugs, or peadophiles.

I will tell you about the girl I went to Uni with, who was cosseted.

None of us girls (embarrasing, the guys could whip up a chilli) could really cook, but we knew how to cook pasta, and tinned food, and micro meals, and could work it out when it was our turn to cook for the house. Cosseted girl (we'll call her CG), had no idea, she cried and worried for a week. I made pasta with chicken tonight sauce and bought garlic bread for my night.
She didn't know how to use the oven, she wasn't allowed at home.
More than once she had to be bailed out and one of us had to get a taxi to town to get her as she was too drunk, and even sober struggling to know what to do to get home by herself.
We made her get us a takeaway every time!

The saddest thing is that she had a bf from home. Her parents wouldn't let her spend the night with him so she didn't tell them.
She was there regularly but avoided her parents, as they wouldn't have let her out if they'd known.

Her parents missed out on their DD because they were over protective, and their DD got lucky that she had housemates that were willing to rescue her. Again, and again!

You owe it to your kids to let go, and do it as soon as you can, bit by bit.

My dd is 10. She has plenty of freedoms - she walks to school with friends sometimes, she stays home alone sometimes, I send her into shops and supermarkets on her own, she manages herself with her teachers and coaches on her own, she sorts out problems with her friends on her own, she looks after her brothers in the mornings until I get up as I am a night worker.

She had major bullying problems with a girl in year 4. She spoke to the girl and went to the teacher and asked for a meeting.

The looking after her brothers in the mornings includes making their breakfast, getting the 5yo dressed and making me a cup of coffee.

I send her into the supermarket to get milk or cheese or such. When she can't find the one we normally get she makes a choice to get something similar. She checks the use by date and the change from the teller.

When I am not outside the gate at end of school time she organises her brothers and waits until I get there.

Does this sound like a useless child?

There is a big difference between smothering and pushing them before they are ready. I don't think an 8 or 10yo is ready for some things.

My dh was sent down to the local river on his own at 5yo. He played there all day with his 10yo brother. He walked to and from school alone at the same age. He was left home alone all day while his mum went to work. The neighbour was supposed to listen out. The neighbour's creepy brother used to come over and try and get in. He was smart enough to not let him in.

He is bloody hopeless in a kitchen and can't cook anything other than bacon and eggs. He can't keep track of our bills and accounts. He can't buy a pair of pants without asking my opinion.

Being let out alone at a young age may not make a more capable adult than someone who isn't.

But we aren't talking about 8 year olds being allowed to roam the shopping center in a feral mob. We are talking about 3 9 year olds being dropped off at a cinema, going in to watch an age appropriate film then being picked up afterwards. For the LIFE of me I can't imagine a scenario where they would have come to harm!

Oh, and I have been going to the cinema for 40 years and I have NEVER once experienced a power cut!

I see my job as parent to ensure my children turn out as independent, capable adults.
In order for them to achieve this they have to take responsibility for themselves sometimes.
The hard part about being a parent is knowing when to let them do this.
Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with 3 9 year olds being dropped off at the cinema and being picked up again. I have done it with DD before.
Over-protective parenting is just as damaging as neglectful parenting.

'What do kids on their own without a mobile do? It is not the cinema staff's job to look after them.'

I'm sorry but I think that in an unexpected event like a power cut it would be the staffs job to look after them and get a message to the parents. I agree that they might not do it as a matter of course, not knowing there was a problem. It would be the 9yr olds job to walk up to one, explain the problem and get them to contact the parents. If my 5 yr old could do it, alone, in a busy department store I am sure a 9 yr old with 2 friends could manage it.
The argument seems to have moved on to 9 yr olds being able to do all sorts of things -in fact run wild! OP was merely talking about 3 DCs being delivered to the cinema (door to door) very early evening, coming out when it was still only 8.30pm and being picked up. It is a very busy place, if they were being bullied by another DC they could move seats. I don't really see how you could be bullied in a cinema when everyone is sitting in silence. They are much more likely to be bullied at home on their PC.
I think you missed the whole point of the car and girlfriend hayley-it wasn't the fact he had either-it is the fact that he is only 5yrs older than your DS and he had a lot to learn between 12 and 17yrs. I don't think that a 12 yr old needs a lot of freedom, but getting to school should be something that he copes with-they all get buses to school from my village-you don't find a single parent at the bus stop.
I firmly believe that DCs live up to expectations (or down to them);if you treat them as infants,with no common sense,who can't cope in an emergency-that is what you will get. Also, as in Muggglewumps example, they may lie.

Just because YOU haven't experienced something does not mean it never happens.

My main concern with dropping my dd and friends off and picking them up from the cinema would be groups of teenagers behaving like yobbs and think it is funny to intimidate 3 young girls whilst they are waiting to go in or waiting for their lift. My dd would not handle it. She would feel a bit scared.

I am getting really tired of the over protective line. Read my posts again. My dd is given a lot of freedom, She is not allowed on her own with 2 young friends at night. NO way. At 13ish she will be. Are you seriously telling me she will be incapable as an adult because she didn't go to the movies on her own until the age of 13?

I must be freaking useless then because I only went to the cinema a couple of times as a kid and always with my much older brother and sister.

What about dh? He was given the bloody run of the town from age 5 and is still incapable at a number of things.

I agree to disagree. I think some kids are allowed to do too much when they are still a bit young, but in the end they are not my children.

In the instance of the OP I would be reserved about letting my dd at that friend's place again. Not because she went to the movies alone but because they didn't have the respect to let me know what the arrangements were and where my child was.

I am one of the lazy effers for the purposes of this thread: being quite happy to let my 12yo dd and her 8yo brother go on city centre shopping trips together and stay at home alone.

But in my defence it's not just laziness: there is a certain amount of empirical observation in there too.

Dd has had a fair few accidents over the years, it must be said. However, reviewing them all they have invariably happened when she has been in my charge, or (more rarely) in charge of another responsible adult: tripping and banging her head against the wall (repeatedly), falling and getting minor fractures (several times), being in a car that somebody else drives into (twice), getting her foot caught in an exercise bike (once). On no occasion has she come to any harm when left to her own devices.

I just have to conclude that she is safer without me .

We are not talking about a 5yr old left to roam feral with no adult supervision or care (or love from the sounds of it) - no wonder he turned into a useless adult!
We all make judgements as to when our children are ready to do something independantly - this thread deteriorated only when someone decided that ALL parents who made a different decsision to her, and felt that she was being over protective and tried to have a reasoned debate on it (well reasoned for AIBU) were called "lazt effers" - rude and nasty IMO!...and uncalled for !

I would not presume what I do as a parent is OK for everyone else. Cinema, town shopping, or letting them going swimming on their own etc. If it's your children fine, if other children are involved, then be considerate and check beforehand with the other parent. I think this is part of the issue. If it was decided beforehand that they would be dropped off, it might have made a difference and op would be OK with it.

macdoodle I agree. Lots of "I let my children do this". But in this instance the op wasn't given the chance to make a choice of what 'her child' was up to. The other parent did.

So how old would a child have to be before you wouldn't want to be asked if she could go to the cinema unaccompanied?

21

21 if they are wearing tinfoil - how old if they aren't?

blimey there is a lot of emotion on here. I never expected to cuase such a row.

TF you are quite right. Surely no one can disagree with the basic issue which is that I put my child into the care of another parent for 24 hours and for 2 of those she was unsupervised in a public place without my permission.

I did bot hav the opportunity to prepare her for that and make sure she knew what to do if something had gone wrong.

However you dress it up or down that can never be acceptable.

I am a capabale responsible adult. I run a 9 million turnover businees and employ 150 staff but I would not have been given such independence in an adult world aged 9.

Yes I played out in the street and walked to school and brownies on my own and with friends probably form about aged 8 but they were short distances with timed beginning and ends.

What upsets me more than anything is the fact that most on here seem to think that giving independence at such a young age ( and even younger in some cases ) is a good thing. I personally dont. You are a long time grown up and if you do it all by age 10 what is there to look forward to ??

3

I agree that children are encouraged to grow up too soon. But I don't think the scenario you outline comes into this category - we aren't talking about 8 year olds being allowed to roam the shopping center in a feral mob. We are talking about 3 9 year olds being dropped off at a cinema, going in to watch an age appropriate film then being picked up afterwards. For the LIFE of me I can't imagine a scenario where they would have come to harm!

seeker I cannot agree with you. I can think of any number of things that may have gone wrong causing physical or emotional harm.

But life is about taking risks. We all do everyday when we set off in our cars for eg.

The point is as parents we are in charge of caluclating and evaluating those risks and on this occasion I would not have allowed it.

I wasn't given that choice. She wont stay over at that house again.

When I read the title I was up in arms thinking 'of course it's bloody to young!' but I had vision of them going to the cinema on their own and making their way on their own.

That scenario seems ok to me although having no children at that age I might not know what I'm talking about. Maybe I will do it maybe not.

One thing is for certain: you should have been told exactly what was planned. That I would not have liked one bit tbh.

toO