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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that encouraging your daughter to learn ballet is cruel

506 replies

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:07

Because BASICALLY, ballet is all about body image and is a money-making racket to boot (silly costumes and unecessary shoes).

There just AREN'T curvy ballerinas. You have to have the perfect body - thin, willowy and in perfect proportion. I well remember when my 11 year-old best mate was rejected from the Royal Ballet School because her 'shoulders were too wide'. She cried for weeks. Ballet had been her life.

Basically, they either get sick of it themselves, or they stop because they realise that their BODIES ARE IMPERFECT. Either way, the time could be better used doing some sort of more useful modern dance that you can learn in £1.99 Asda trainers which isn't dependent on having a perfect body.

Please take your daughters to something more useful instead.

OP posts:

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 16/04/2009 13:20

what is next on your hitlist, MP, first dogs, now ballet? i am intrigued

if all mothers stopped taking their daughters, tehn where would the next sylvie guillem or darcy bussel come from?

Original poster

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:20

the OUTFITS put their focus on their thighs

they basically swear swimsuits

It's like 1950s Miss World

OP posts:

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 16/04/2009 13:21

is it any worse than swimming, a leotard and swimming costume are just the same?

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 13:21

I agree FAQ, modern dance which is fantastic is usually only performed by those with ballet training.

Leotards are designed so that the teacher can see leg lines etc.

As for exams in school time, so are drama and music exmas, the exam boards set the dates, not individual schools. It stands to reason everyone can't have them on a Saturday.

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 16/04/2009 13:22

do you have a problem with gymnastics too due to leotards?

JustCallMeGoat · 16/04/2009 13:22

yanbu - the outfits are ridiculous, i think it feeds the whole pink, barbie, body conscious nonsense.

TsarChasm · 16/04/2009 13:22

Dd1 did it for a bit because she wanted to try it.

I guess she is ballet shaped but doesn't have a ballet mentality in that it takes so much serious practise and exams.

It was just like more school after school.

It was a faff (hair faffing, what a palavar) not much fun and both of us were relieved when she stopped going.

Also a couple of the mums were rather scarily competitive. One used to come and take notes so they could do it all again at home.

southeastastra · 16/04/2009 13:22

gives you great posture in later life.

aGalChangedHerName · 16/04/2009 13:23

Focuses on their thighs?? In your mind maybe lol

What a daft thing to say. My dd wears a leotard and skirt btw.

What about gymnastics? They wear leotards too,should that also be banned?

FAQinglovely · 16/04/2009 13:24

and anyhow how can it be focussed on image - when professional ballet dancers have strongly developed muscles on the front of their lower legs - hardly a stereotypical "attractive" quality is it

LtEveDallas · 16/04/2009 13:24

I did ballet from age 3 to age 14. It was my life. I won a scholarship to a london stage school and was going to spend the rest of my life on stage........

I had to give it up when I was 14 after badly breaking my leg falling out of a window.......I fainted and fell thru the window because I wasnt eating enough.

I used to eat tissue paper to fill me up and started smoking age 11 to curb hunger pangs (following tips given to me by my dance teacher believe it or not). I would tell my mum that I'd had a huge lunch at school so she didnt make me eat in the evening when in reality I had spent my lunch money on 20 JP No6 and a couple of apples.

At my worst I was eating an apple and a tin of soup a day for about a year - I was thin but very well toned so it didnt look so bad. I wasnt anorexic - I knew I was too thin, but I needed to be thin to get anywhere.....my BFF didnt get into the school because her legs were 'too chunky'

I could go on for hours about how my life back then has screwed up my life now.....and it has in some ways but really I just want to say that I agree with MP, and am fighting with DD at present because she has been asking for ballet lessons for about 6 months.

If its just a fun thing great, but please be careful if they start to get serious.....luckily DD's sister does majorettes so I'm hoping to push her in that direction.

doggiesayswoof · 16/04/2009 13:24

I started ballet (actually ballet, tap and modern ) and left after about 6 weeks to do piano instead.

Thank god I got out - the thing I object to is that it really is only suitable for one body type (which ain't mine) - it's so fascistic.

DD is 4 and very slim now, but I think she may end up with quite broad shoulders like me. She is also very tall for her age. No way is she doing ballet (and I hope she doesn't ask). I hope she will get into learning an instrument or singing, and maybe yogabugs. She's interested in football too.

Original poster

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:24

Studies have apparently shown that: 'The average incidence of eating disorders in the white middle-class population is 1 in 100. In classical ballet, it is one in five.'

OP posts:

ByTheSea · 16/04/2009 13:24

DD1-9 (10 next month) wanted to start ballet at 4 and has been doing it ever since. She also does modern and jazz and has passed several ballet and modern exams with merit or distinction. I think the ballet has helped her a lot with some level of grace, as she is naturally a bit clumsy like her mother. She plays some sports and gymnastics as well and enjoys the Wii Fit, but loves her dancing and doesn't seem to have a problem at all about her very fit and slender but not perfect ballerina body.

DD2-6 (almost 7) decided to try ballet when she was five but didn't like it. She is definitely very sporty and chooses to play football most of the time, although she is now expressing an interest in taking a martial art and street dance.

I try to provide them with opportunities but leave it to them to decide which ones they really care and only provide healthy encouragement. Nobody is forcing my DD1 to do ballet -- it's all her choice.

Tee2072 · 16/04/2009 13:24

Find a different school. There are plenty that encourage it as teaching grace and poise and coordination and not as a means to being skinny.

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 13:24

Actually justcallme, very few uniforms are pink, only in hte early grades and if the teacher chooses.

Dd started off in pink, is now in lavender and as shge gets older will move onto navy then black.

Schools often choose pink for little ones becasue little girls generally love to wear pink.

MarmadukeScarlet · 16/04/2009 13:25

At the graduate show of the Central London Ballet School there were some thighs, breasts and bottoms of a decent size which I was very pleased to see.

My DD, Like Fallen's, is on the big side. She is a head higher than her peers and a lot sturdier. She has dyspraxia and flat feet, I think that ballet has helped her a lot.

Sadly now she has passed Grade 3 it is a day when we cannot attend.

She knows she will never me a professional dancer, but what little grace she has is down to drifting about in pink satin pumps.

FAQinglovely · 16/04/2009 13:25

well if it's the outfit god lets stop all the competitive divers and swimmers then - don't want them getting a complex about what their thighs looks like

Simplysally · 16/04/2009 13:25

My dd begged to go to ballet mainly as she knew that I used to go. I sent her to ballroom/Latin American for a year then relented with ballet/tap classes. It's more of a stage school than classical ballet per se.

She does have a ballerina body - she's built like a pencil (like I was at her age!!) - but I don't think she'll be bothering the Royal Ballet School anytime soon. If it made her happy to be a ballerina/dancer, I'd support her though.

ninedragons · 16/04/2009 13:25

Depends on the teacher, to an extent.

I did ballet and the teacher took herself rather too seriously. She had a cane and would whack (hard) any hand out of perfect alignment or any foot out of position. In her head she might have been chief of staff at the Bolshoi but in reality she was in charge of a dozen graceless six-year-old heffalumps on Tuesday afternoons.

Our parents all withdrew us when they saw the welts, naturally.

doggiesayswoof · 16/04/2009 13:27

Lulu, I have a problem with gymnastics - similar issues imo

FAQinglovely · 16/04/2009 13:27

mp - what are the figures like for professional actresses, musicians, models etc??

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 13:28

I have sen some amazing overweight ballet dancers.

BalloonSlayer · 16/04/2009 13:28

DD did it for a while and has lost interest. It's a shame as her posture became lovely.

However, she is - and probably will be - ballet shaped (she is very like me and I was always thin, long neck etc). I didn't for a moment think she would get the bug but maybe, just maybe, in the back of my mind I thought that if she did, at least she had the body for it.

Would I have suggested it as an activity if she had been a different shape? I hope so.

Original poster

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:28

You don't focus on swimmer's bodies (and they are under the water)

Professional gymnasts and swimmers are generally quite CHUNKY - completely different to ballerinas, who are only one body type

OP posts:

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