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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that encouraging your daughter to learn ballet is cruel

506 replies

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:07

Because BASICALLY, ballet is all about body image and is a money-making racket to boot (silly costumes and unecessary shoes).

There just AREN'T curvy ballerinas. You have to have the perfect body - thin, willowy and in perfect proportion. I well remember when my 11 year-old best mate was rejected from the Royal Ballet School because her 'shoulders were too wide'. She cried for weeks. Ballet had been her life.

Basically, they either get sick of it themselves, or they stop because they realise that their BODIES ARE IMPERFECT. Either way, the time could be better used doing some sort of more useful modern dance that you can learn in £1.99 Asda trainers which isn't dependent on having a perfect body.

Please take your daughters to something more useful instead.

OP posts:
Boco · 16/04/2009 22:17

They do sell second hand clothes (all dds from the second hand cupboard) and that didn't work out too bad. It says in the letter that the £50 includes 3 extra lessons on a Sunday on top of her Saturday lessons, and the cost of the pianist. With 15 girls paying £50 each, bloody well paid pianist! Wouldn't be the opportunity to do it again, as it's once a year and she'd have to rejoin a younger class.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 16/04/2009 22:19

So it's £50 and then not again until next year...

Does she get pocket money? (Sorry DD only 22 mo don't know about any of this stuff!) Could you go halves with her pocket money? Or have it as a birthday present from you /GP / someone? or anything like that?

EachPeachPearMum · 16/04/2009 22:21

Well, the posture does stay with you for years after- DH said the very first thing he noticed about me was the way I walked... his mother was a professional dancer. FWIW- she only started dance at around 8, as physio to build up her legs after a mystery illness left her unable to walk, and bedbound for 6 months.
I did ballet from 3 until 14- there was never any mention of body shape- it was about the dance, the discipline, the practice. I am not ballerina shaped at all... neither is MIL- she is far too tall for ballet- was too tall by the age of 12, and was told to drop it, as even by that age, her teacher knew she would make it as a professional.

hunkermunker · 16/04/2009 22:25

What about if I want to encourage my boys to learn ballet? [hypothetical]

onebatmother · 16/04/2009 22:26

That's an idea, BBBB, re birthday pres.

If a huge part of the cost is the lessons on the day, I think you need to go to teacher and tell her that you won't be able to afford to continue, Boco.

You are being held to ransom by the teacher rather than the RAD (cost for Grade 2 =£25 odd I think). And in these uncertain times, I'm certain she would rather keep you as a client than not.

3 hours prep! Good grief.

troutpout · 16/04/2009 22:28

dd says she 'loves' all her dance lessons (ballet,tap and jazz). I have no idea what she actually does there as i just drop and leave at Ballet and tap...and what i see during the week at home is a bit tbh. Jazz... i stay and have watched her through the window a bit..(lots of kicking legs and skipping around to chart music and as far as i can tell).

Lots of very curvy older girls who help out at dd's ballet.

Don't give a toss though...she is having fun. This is how it is useful.I don't want her to join the royal ballet school.When it ceases to be fun she will drop out.

She does swimming lessons too...last i looked they weren't training for the olympics.

My only gripe is that i would prefer it if they didn't do exams and blardy rosettes ...but then i think that with swimming and the 'levels ' too tbh.

Boco · 16/04/2009 22:30

And it's on top of the £50 for next term, which is ALL prep. So, £100 altogether paid by next week, which is mad, won't be able to do it. Birthday presents usually around the £20 mark, including from gps, so it'd still be unlikely. And seems a bit rubbish when you're turning 7, your main present, clubbed together from everyone - an EXAM. But I will put it to her, if it's important to her maybe she'll decide that's what she wants.

onebatmother · 16/04/2009 22:30

I tried that hunker.

DS runs down to the front after cinema to dance in public to the closing-titles music. Can often be seen emoting through the medium of dance. Is generally okay with atypical masculinities

Ballet? Literally refused even to go through the door. Aged THREE.

If you are in SE London, though, the Laban Centre has a fantastic modern dance class that I think is 50:50 girls boys. I'd get ds signed up like a shot if I were closer.

mumtolawyer · 16/04/2009 23:19

My DD does ballet, tap, gymnastics and other sports. Apart from swimming (which is an essential and non-negotiable life skill) she begged to do all of them. When she stops enjoying them (and she loves them all) we'll stop going. For now, she can be as pink and fluffy on a Saturday as she wants. She'll never be a ballerina because she will be far too tall and her shoulders will be wide, but I don't care because she enjoys the class, the idea that she gets to do the exams, and the whole bit.

I don't think that there is any chance that at this stage she will do any physical damage, let alone something permanent. So what's the problem? She wants it, she loves it and she's happy.

Everyone's different, MP disapproves of ballet for children and I don't, so she does what she believes and so do I. Bit of tolerance from both sides, maybe?

nappyaddict · 16/04/2009 23:26

I did dance when I was younger. I did disco and street jazz and thoroughly enjoyed them both and would encourage any daughter of mine to do either. I also did gymnastics and trampolining. I tried ballet but i found it a bit boring if i'm honest but there's lot of people who love it. DS has just started a street dance class and is really enjoying it at just 2 and a half. I'm not sure i would encourage him to do disco because part of me (probably wrongly) says boys just aren't meant to be that flexible.

QOD · 16/04/2009 23:31

My dd does Ballet, also tap & modern, they wear leotards to all - so it's balls that it's only ballet that shows their figure

Tortington · 16/04/2009 23:36

i wonder how many parents send their kids to classes actually thinking that it is a stepping stone to becoming a ballerina?

i would say not many at all.

really, people can take anything at all and make it unsuitable.

cory · 16/04/2009 23:37

well, if I was able to afford riding lessons for my dcs, I wouldn't think of that as a stepping stone for the Grand National (and jockeys have very strict weight restrictions)

Clary · 16/04/2009 23:43

Not read whole thread but...

Yes ballet does give you good posture, I don't care if some of you think it's funny, it's true.

I worked with s/one who had done ballet to her teens and you coudl tell. She sat up straight.

Many many ballet classes teach children to dance, work together, get exercise and there's no hint of this body obsessiveness.

Yes, stories like Mp's 11yo friend and the posted who broke her leg are terrible, but surely also unusual.

ANd wrt yr post about not excellign mp - well I encourage DS2 to play football but frankly I don't really expect him to be Wayne Rooney. etc etc etc.

BTW The best thing about ballet is that it's an activity girls will do. Too many of DD's pals can barely walk up the street without gettign worn out, and just will not run about/play football/skip/cycle/catch the ball/play basketball or anything (they are 7-8 btw)

lunamoon2 · 17/04/2009 00:38

This post has made me think.
My dd does ballet and has done for over 8 years now.
Yes her posture is fabulous, she is very supple too. Ballet does give you discipline, in all areas of life, cannot explain it but it is true. It also gives my child resilience and self esteem, perhaps other dance classes would also give this.
Ballet can be a very bitchy profession.

I do think though that it is unacceptable to be told you cannot continue because you simply have the "wrong" body shape. You cannot reduce your bone size no matter how hard you try!!
The media in general and people's obsession with "slimness" are to blame too.
Why can't we loose the obsession and see what is inside a person.

MarsLady · 17/04/2009 00:43

Yes YABU MP. All of mine have done it for a while, even DS1 (but he always forgets that fact... lol).

lisad123 · 17/04/2009 01:00

My DD1 has done ballet since she was 4. Its a lovely class and they have boys and a girls and loads of shapes and sizes. The best main dancer we saw in this years show waS atleast a size 14/16.
She also does street dancing which she loves too.

MarmadukeScarlet · 17/04/2009 08:57

VV impressed with the makaton rap and pirouettes whilst under the influence - mine is to do the splits. Sadly can no longer due box splits as pevis ain't quite what it used to be.

I believe I went to ballet for a few terms, but my mother didn't drive and we lived in the sticks.

daftpunk · 17/04/2009 09:00

agree morningpaper...i took my dds to see stomp, told them if they want to be dancers thats the way to do it....not that they wanted to dance.....

they played football instead.

HSMM · 17/04/2009 09:25

My DD (age 9) loves ballet. She is strong and supple with great posture. Her confidence has improved dramatically over the years she has been dancing. She is better at modern dance than ballet, but still loves ballet the most. She knows she has a curvy figure and most ballerinas are like sticks, but she has never listed ballet as one of her career options. I don't think it is bad for her and has done her an awful lot of good. She just loves doing it. (bank manager does NOT agree that it is a sensible activity)

pointydog · 17/04/2009 11:12

commiserations about the steep cost of the dance lessons, boco.

I think the judo craze is like that. It's pretty pricey when you add up all teh costs and all those exams.

And judo must be as popular as ballet these days, if not more so in many parts of the country.

Boco · 17/04/2009 16:01

Talked to dd, explained that we couldn't afford the fees plus the exam fee and that if things change next year she can go back. She was v. upset about it. Emailed the dance school woman and explained. She called straight away, we talked it through, and agreed that I can pay the term fees in illustrations! So, as and when she needs something drawing, I'll do it. And exam fees I can pay in 3 installments. So, hooray for dance school lovely lady. Dd thrilled to be back on.

aGalChangedHerName · 17/04/2009 16:09

Aww so gald you got something sorted out Boco!!!

What a great dancing teacher dd has x

laweaselmys · 17/04/2009 16:27

I started ballet at three and gave it up just before I started on point because I couldn't bear the thought of my feet going through that. My sister still dances now though (at 25) but was rejected from tring at 11 because she was going to be too fat to be a ballet dancer!

They do literally measure you up and work out how big you will be and if they think there is a chance you will be too big they do reject you. (I think it is partially on the basis of how much weight the boys have to lift?) but also on aesthetic shape. She was utterly devastated and still now has a thing about being 'fat' when she isn't at all.

I wouldn't stop DD from doing ballet if she wanted to because generally speaking at the casual learning level it's nothing like that tough, but I wouldn't let her audition for ballet school if I thought she might be rejected for similar reasons, becauseI do think they can be very cruel.

pointydog · 17/04/2009 16:30

nice compromise, boco!