Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that encouraging your daughter to learn ballet is cruel

506 replies

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:07

Because BASICALLY, ballet is all about body image and is a money-making racket to boot (silly costumes and unecessary shoes).

There just AREN'T curvy ballerinas. You have to have the perfect body - thin, willowy and in perfect proportion. I well remember when my 11 year-old best mate was rejected from the Royal Ballet School because her 'shoulders were too wide'. She cried for weeks. Ballet had been her life.

Basically, they either get sick of it themselves, or they stop because they realise that their BODIES ARE IMPERFECT. Either way, the time could be better used doing some sort of more useful modern dance that you can learn in £1.99 Asda trainers which isn't dependent on having a perfect body.

Please take your daughters to something more useful instead.

OP posts:
gibbberish · 16/04/2009 18:51

I think it depends on the dance school and the parents tbh.

3 of my girls go to dance classes at a small dance school nearby. dd3 and dd4 learn ballet/tap/modern/disco/hip hop in an hour and a quarter lesson. dd2 does cheerleading.

The school is very relaxed and the emphasis is on fun rather than technical perfection and exams. Infact, they do not have to even sit exams if they don't wish to. I do not want them to become too involved in it (for the reasons you state and others) but for the time being they are having a whale of a time learning new routines and taking part in the annual show. And they LOVE dressing up!

redflipflops · 16/04/2009 18:52

professional ballet and kids ballet are two very different things...

for kids it should just be about dancing being fun and enjoyable

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 16/04/2009 18:52

Dittany those are PROFESSIONAL BALLET DANCERS. Not teenagers doing a couple of hours on point a week.
Stop being silly.

DisasterEggs · 16/04/2009 18:54

Any professional dance is very very different to children having classes.
Ballet specifically is about discipline, it is an exercise and if a child enjoys the combination of both then they should be encouraged.

by the by a child should never ever be allowed to go en point until deemed strong enough by their teacher, rather than reaching a certain grade or age. and one lesson a week is never going to get your legs strong enough to do it.

if a person is ever going to be good enough to dance professionally they will need the right body shape.

gibbberish · 16/04/2009 18:55

Exactly redflipflops so in answer to your question mp I think YAB a tad U (sorry). If the children are learning ballet for fun and as a hobby and if they love it then I cannot see that letting them do so is being cruel.

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 18:56

Isn't it a BIT ODD though saying that you are encouraging your children to do a sport that you HOPE they will never EXCEL at? So you don't want them to aspire to BE THE BEST??? (Because the best means foot injuries and likely body isshooos). We don't say this about any other activity that I can think of. It seems extremely daft.

OP posts:
cory · 16/04/2009 18:57

probably the only reason dd is able to walk at all is the ankle strenghtening provided by her ballet school

she will never go on points

for one thing the ballet school won't let her

they do not automatically let anyone who reaches a certain age/grade do it

doesn't mean she can't carrying on enjoying ballet and being in their shows

she will

Dontbringlulu · 16/04/2009 18:57

My two year old begged to go to ballet. A friend had started. She goes because of the clothes/shoes and hair bobbles??? I have no interest in anything like that. The other mums do her hair because l can't. She then refuses to dance. I pay £6 for the pleasure of watching her watch others and play with her shoes. Hopefully she'll grow out of it or start to actually join in. I have however been amazed at some of the other parents attuides. They really take it v.v.seriously. The children are two!!. One little girl cries the whole time and her carers say she is just doing it for attention. My few observations are that stuff like this can bring out the worst in parents. I have seen similar behaviour in my older child's swimming and karate. I have to say one week she did a small jump and clapped in time and was really chuffed, that was ace. I was happy to be there with her.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 16/04/2009 18:58

Jeez, no, I don't want to encourage my children to BE THE BEST at anything, be it ballet or piano or geography.
I want to encourage them to DO THEIR BEST.
Big difference.

DisasterEggs · 16/04/2009 18:58

but we swim but the DDs are never going to swim competitively. they ride bikes, kick footballs and run around like banshees but neither of them are ever going to be sports professioanls or win medals in it. they do it because it is fun. becuse it is good for them. and because they want to.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 16/04/2009 18:58

Dittany I raised this earlier.

At the higher end of many physical activities there are associated potential physical problems and/or eating disorders.

Gymnastics is the one that springs to mind immediately as being relevant to this thread.

poopscoop · 16/04/2009 19:00

i had to do ballet as a child and i hated it, absolutely hated it, I cant tell you how much i hated it!!!!

Soooo when DD got to that age (about3,4) she asked if she could go and I just couldn't bring myself to let her do it.

Even when i hear people say they have to collect the dc from ballet it makes me cringe!

I really don't know what it was exactly I hated about it so much, maybe because I was so tall and stood above everyone else i am not sure, it certainly made me feel ver self concious.

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 19:00

Hmm well my DD loves watching competitive swimming but if I said "Ahhh yes but you can't ever do that, because it's really bad for you" then that would be a bit ODD imo

OP posts:
cory · 16/04/2009 19:00

there are lots of sports I wouldn't want my dcs to excel at because of problems with body image/overstraining your body/drug use/doping etc

but that scenario is so extremely unlikely - most people don't go onto excel but can still enjoy a hobby

what is happening is that their bodies are being strengthened by the dancing they actually do and that they are learning about performing/working in a team with others/how the stage works

redflipflops · 16/04/2009 19:00

What about other competitive sports on a professional level? You have to have the right body type for lots of sports - they are competitive and children are likely to be disappointed etc...

is that a reason not to try things?

dizietsma · 16/04/2009 19:02

Just adding my 2 cents, pretty sure I've nothing new to add to the debate, but I agree with OP.

I'm currently very frustrated because DD loves dance, but is 3 and there are simply no dance classes for her age group that aren't ballet. Plus it's bloody expensive. And it reinforces stereotyped gender roles.

DH and I do not come from delicate little flower stock. DD will be a tall and broad girl if her genetics play out, and they appear to be doing just that. I don't want to have to deal with the disappointment or eating disorders that will occur when they tell her she's to tall/fat/heavy set for ballet.

So I'm gonna wait until she's old enough for breakdancing classes instead

DisasterEggs · 16/04/2009 19:03

and if you're really lucky and do ballet as a child when you are old and fat you'll be able to amaze all your mates by pose-turns and pirouettes when pissed.

lockets · 16/04/2009 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gibbberish · 16/04/2009 19:05

But mp surely that can be said for many things? There is a level for many activities that is relatively safe when used as a harmless hobby. But taken to extremes these same activities can prove to be harmful. Gymnastics springs - no pun intended - or horseriding or even jogging... these types of activities can cause damage to joints and bones if taken part in to the extreme. Does that mean that these activities should be shunned altogether?

cory · 16/04/2009 19:06

dizietsma ime it is very unlikely that an ordinary ballet school will tell your dd that she is too tall to do ballet

the earlier post where somebody did get told that was about The Royal Ballet school

which trains professionals for the international stage

not an ordinary school that takes the local kids

you should see some of the teens who do ballet at our local (very well thought of) school: tall, fat, heavy, gangling- they really come all shapes: nobody is interested

dd is disabled with a joint disorder so can only dance intermittently and may collapse any time: they are still happy for her to be in the show

they had a girl with Downs syndrome there too

gibbberish · 16/04/2009 19:07

Springs to mind obviously.. sheesh!

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 19:12

there is a MASSIVE difference between enjoying the fantasies of being a professional and being pushed to 'be the best'

What footballer doesn't fantasise about scoring a goal for England?!

OP posts:
BigBellasBeerBelly · 16/04/2009 19:14

Saying children can't take part in any activity when they are young because there is an incredibly slim chance that they will become good at it and it's associated with physical problems etc means basically they wouldn't be able to do anything.

As I keep saying, at the top of the vast majority of professional sports/physical activities there are risks. People ruin their knees and other joints, we all know about gymnastics, motor sports and skiing are very dangerous, some martial arts can be... Boxing anyone? Long distance runners have to watch their weights very very carefully as do eg cyclists, drugs abound across the board, I could go on and on and on and on...

DisasterEggs · 16/04/2009 19:19

is nobody impressed by my pirouette prowess? i'm good. i really am.

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 19:21

I would like to see it

OP posts: