to refuse to take 8k of debt on for dp?

[namechangeasdpisalurker]

Ive name changed for this.dp is insistant that he wants a new car, fair enough. He works, i dont. Past history - he has ex-w and when i first got with him he had debts... lots of debts,long story cut short is he blamed the ex-w for spending so much, but now im thinking " yeah, right". we have 2 dc and one has dla. I run the house on tax credits and child benefit, i pay all the household bills and buy stuff for the kids, dp runs his car and gives ex-w money for their kids.Dc's dla is put into her bank account and left for if/when something is needed...its not my money its hers..dp asked how much she has and stupdly i told him about 2k.Next thing i know he's asking for DC money to fund car.We go to PIL's yesterday and he tells them he's going to get new car, and that he's got 2k.MIL says she'll give him the same...so now he's "got" 4k. Back home he has dsd with him and is telling her about new car he wants,and how he can affored a "new" one now.Im very pissed off by now and say if your getting dd's dla for it ,do you intend paying her back? DSD looks [shocked] and says "***'s" money? all confused.DP says yes, but looks annoyed. Then i ask how on earth can he affored a new car? and point out he wont get finance as his previous credit history is pants. He replys i know i cant get finance, but you we can! .Then i say no, im not doing it, couldnt anyway as i gave up work to look after dd full time. Am really annoyed at dp, as he doesnt think he's done anything wrong. So AIBU?

Of course not, dp is a twonk. How come you pay all the bills when he's working? What does he contribute to the family finances, exactly?

oh forgot to say the car dp wants is 12k. .He cant bring milk home without wanting the money to pay for it.

i second the twonk label.

no, YANBU

he sounds utterly selfish, unrealistic and just plain daft

why does he "need" a new car?

it is a huge expense to take on when it is not necessary

£12k

twunt

YANBU.
Never never put your name on someone else's debt.

His wages go in his pocket, and his working tax credit pays most of the rent.He gives the kids pocket money and his ex-w her maintenence, and all the bills to do with his car he already has.

You're not being unreasonable. He has an irresponsible and immature attitude towards money - plenty of people do.

Sorry, don't know what DLA is, but am assuming your daughter is getting some kind of disability benefit?

I think you're DP sounds like a 24 carat wanker for wanting to steal this to buy himself a new set of wheels.

what edam says - how come he pays nothing towards household bills if he is working?

YANBU! Can he get at the DLA without you? Think you should be hiding passbooks...

12k?????
What does he want??? We have just bought a low milage top of the range big family car for less than that. And it will end up costing a lot more than 12k once you have added the interest on top, plus the increased insurance, plus the increased tax (because it sounds as though he wants a big boy-racer engine), plus all the other little incidentals.

i dont really know Gorgon, it was my house before he moved in and sort of never got on to the subject.

So he lives in your house with you and your/his kids - but you pay all the bills?

What is his contribution - apart from a growing mountain of debt?

He sound very, very immature. Love the phrase "cocklodging"

He cant get at dd's dla , my name is on her passbook, so only i can access it.Its a people carrier he's after , so he can get dd's sn buggy in it and take all the kids out.But i do think he just wants to show off with a flash one.Keeps going on about "extras" like leather seats and electrics .

yanbu Don't do it. If he needs a new car then sit down and work out wht is actually affordable adn look from there. He has a history of bad debts anbd a casual attitude towards financial responsibilty , don't let him draw you into it. How long have you been together ?

Not sure about "boy-racer" .he's 40 ffs! -more lke mid-life crisis .think we do need a financial overhall. cocklodging? - not very good in that department either, seen more action when i was single!

No No No.

Don't give him the DLA money for starters, move it into a new account which only YOU sign for, and don't let him have the new details.

BTW it is called DISABLED LIVING ALLOWANCE, and is there to help with HER day-to-day needs (general living), so use it for that, for HER benefit.

If he doesn't NEED a 12K car, and can't afford one, then he can't have one. End of story. When he can afford it, he can have it.

Personally, I think anyone is stupid to even consider taking on loans or finance at this time, if they don't totally have to.

This recession is deep, and is going to affect everyone before it's done.

This would potentially be a relationship breaker for me, I'm afraid.

Been together 6 years! took along time to sort out debts (tbh his parents paid most of it off,including his hp for the car he has now).think he's been indulged too much by his parents.I had to look after myself since 18yrs and it taught me very quickly how to manage money.

What RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion said.

Do not budge.