to refuse to take 8k of debt on for dp?

[namechangeasdpisalurker]

Ive name changed for this.dp is insistant that he wants a new car, fair enough. He works, i dont. Past history - he has ex-w and when i first got with him he had debts... lots of debts,long story cut short is he blamed the ex-w for spending so much, but now im thinking " yeah, right". we have 2 dc and one has dla. I run the house on tax credits and child benefit, i pay all the household bills and buy stuff for the kids, dp runs his car and gives ex-w money for their kids.Dc's dla is put into her bank account and left for if/when something is needed...its not my money its hers..dp asked how much she has and stupdly i told him about 2k.Next thing i know he's asking for DC money to fund car.We go to PIL's yesterday and he tells them he's going to get new car, and that he's got 2k.MIL says she'll give him the same...so now he's "got" 4k. Back home he has dsd with him and is telling her about new car he wants,and how he can affored a "new" one now.Im very pissed off by now and say if your getting dd's dla for it ,do you intend paying her back? DSD looks [shocked] and says "***'s" money? all confused.DP says yes, but looks annoyed. Then i ask how on earth can he affored a new car? and point out he wont get finance as his previous credit history is pants. He replys i know i cant get finance, but you we can! .Then i say no, im not doing it, couldnt anyway as i gave up work to look after dd full time. Am really annoyed at dp, as he doesnt think he's done anything wrong. So AIBU?

Vezzie, after 9 yrs of just living with not being married to a man who hardly gave me fresh air when I needed it, never mind shared fairly, I had to leave with nothing. He still gives us nothing so if people think it's a good idea for mothers to be married, I'd agree with them.

I had two children 'without the legal protection of marriage' and having worn those shoes I know it's not a stupid point being made for no reason. It's a very valid consideration for women who can't afford childcare for two children and so maybe give up their work, or end up with a man who earns a lot more than they do and uses that as an excuse not to get a joint mortgage...

Women who own their own home and earn 50k a year don't need protection but there are plenty of women(mothers of young children particularly) who do need it.

Good a happy ending!!

I agree, get the standing order set up. Tell him it's because you don't want to have to ask every month/have same conversation every month. It's for his sake too, so that hte money goes out first and what's left is what's left.

Sounds like progress. Why don't you both sit down and create a spreadsheet together detailing your income and outgoings. Seeing it in black and white might spur seal the deal.

Well done for talking to him.