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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask our neighbourns to smoke further down their garden??

150 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins · 13/04/2009 19:53

I can't open the kitchen windows and door or my little ones bedroom window and is soooooo warm today! Its driving me mad!

They smoke outside their house as they won't smoke inside and yet expose us to it in the process!

OP posts:

knickers0nmahead · 14/04/2009 16:38

There is a big difference from smoking inside and smoking outside though

It's like me telling my neighbours to stop letting their dog shit in their garden because it stinks

hobbgoblin · 14/04/2009 16:41

Well I've smoked outside my house and had exactly this concern: that it would bother my neighbours. But we are talking random cigarettes in my case, not regular smoking.

If my neighbours said anything to me I'd do something about it without hesitation, but if there wasn't anything I could do then I wouldn't not smoke iyswim.

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 14/04/2009 16:47

Well one could argue that the smell of dog poo isn't poisonous, as such...whereas there's a good reason smoking has been banned in a lot of places.

AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 16:57

actually if the smell of my neighbour's dog shit was preventing me from opening my own windows i would ask them to clean it up tbh.

if you don't smoke, the smell of smoke drifting up into your house is really bogging.

valleysprincess · 14/04/2009 18:05

Oh FGS! Look, if they were smoking in his room maybe YNBU but come on! It takes only a minicsule amount of smoke particle for someone to be able to smell it and the amount of smoke particles which would be in your sons room wouldn't even register.

If I smoked and you asked me to smoke further down my garden i'd think you were some kind of loony

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 14/04/2009 18:19

It does stink and it makes me feel sick. Why should I have to feel sick in my own house because someone else feels like poisoning themselves?

I don't get why that's ok.

chriskelly · 14/04/2009 18:22

Incredible valleysprincess! You'd actually think I was some kind of loony just for asking for this simple courtesy? Really??! It's not because you would get out of breath walking to the bottom of your garden by any chance?

valleysprincess · 14/04/2009 19:17

ChrisKelly. I don't smoke. However I think that there are too many mums in the world having totally OTT reactions which arnt really based on anything sensible. If I was the OP i'd be questioning why I was being so neurotic.

morningpaper · 14/04/2009 19:20

I like the sprinklers idea...

Or if it's their teenagers, what about one of those high-pitched anti-teenagers alarms?!

Or play Cliff Richard while you are gardening

HoneySocks · 14/04/2009 20:18

yanbu to ask them - i have always thought that the way to avoid big disputes with neighbours is to explain problem and politely give your point of view, which is what you are talking about doing.
we had same kind f thing - i asked them to stop, they now totally blank me but have stopped so would do same again. good luck.

chriskelly · 14/04/2009 20:22

"there are too many mums in the world having totally OTT reactions which arnt (sic) really based on anything sensible"

Nice.

2rebecca · 14/04/2009 20:25

My neighbours smoke and we live in adjoining semis with postage stamp gardens but I've never noticed their smoke drifting in the upstairs windows, or round the washing. Compared to a barbecue a cigarette is fairly inoccuous.
I wouldn't ask my neighbours not to smoke any more than I'd ask them not to have a barbecue, or have cats that scare the birds I like.
Their garden, if it's not illegal it's up to them what they do in it..

AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 20:54

you'd have no reason to ask them, it's not a problem for you, rebecca.

i second mp's idea.

stainesmassif · 14/04/2009 21:41

OP is only asking if it's unreasonable to ask her neighbours to smoke in another area of their garden - she isn't trying to dictate to them. Living with neighbours is always a process of compromise unless we're Madonna!

I really don't see a problem with asking the question. I would find it rude if someone went down the shouting inside the house and slamming the window route. Go on, TTBMP!

scienceteacher · 14/04/2009 22:07

I don't think I would ever ask anyone not to do something they are legally entitled to do.

It's the price you have to pay for living in a town. If you don't like it, buy 5 acres of countryside.

AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 22:14

are you paying?

one of the prices you pay for living in a town is that you consider the feelings of the people you live near.

i'm a bit shocked at these attitudes, tbh. very jeremy kyle.

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 15/04/2009 11:16

Well ladies thanks for the comments. Sadly we are not loaded so won't be selling up and moving into 5 acres! We are though about to make a great deal of noise with a rather large digger this weekend it turns out, so I won't ask them just yet, they may have to move down a bit or be deaf as a result! I'll give it a few weeks as I think I can guess their reaction!

Valley.......your not being serious are you?? We all know how gross and unhealthy it is!

OP posts:

valleysprincess · 15/04/2009 13:26

Yes i'm being serious. OK, fair enough you find it gross. But it's hardly going to hurt your child in those quantities

onagar · 15/04/2009 19:42

Sassybeast · 15/04/2009 19:56

YANBU to ask.

Poppity · 15/04/2009 20:26

Onagar, it's not an odd bit of smoke, it's several times every day, did you not get that yet?

Valley and others saying it's no big deal- if you are experts on this I would love to know the statistics?

I'm no expert but everything my son's chest consultant has told me means you are beyond naive with your sweeping statements about the health risks.
Obviously there are many other things that have health risks, do you mean that therefore we shouldn't bother to avoid the ones we can?

Smoking costs the NHS £1.7bn
This document also mentions that passive smoking even in low levels can cause illness.
This is a paper from 1998, maybe you have more up to date info saying it's no problem after all?

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 15/04/2009 23:04

Couldn't agree more Poppity - I just wish there was an outright ban for all our children's health.

OP posts:

ladylush · 16/04/2009 09:44

On a still day smoking outdoors can almost be the same as smoking indoors - wrt passive smoking. I hate walking through doorways of pubs/restaurants etc because the air is often acrid with smoke. My hair even smells of it and that's just from the seconds it has taken to walk away from the premises.

FAQinglovely · 16/04/2009 09:50

yes but don't forget that the smokers contribute a lot more than that in taxes when buying the cigarettes/tobacco

Of course the risks of passive smoking are there and real, but I still find it difficult to believe the smoking outdoors produces the same risks as passive smoking inside where the smoke has little "escape".

And lets not also forget that the exhaust fumes from cars (usually roughly at small child/baby height) are also a huge health risk too.

ladylush · 16/04/2009 12:52

Yes agree about car fumes.

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