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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask our neighbourns to smoke further down their garden??

150 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins · 13/04/2009 19:53

I can't open the kitchen windows and door or my little ones bedroom window and is soooooo warm today! Its driving me mad!

They smoke outside their house as they won't smoke inside and yet expose us to it in the process!

OP posts:
Cazzaben · 13/04/2009 23:47

Well... im a smoker and if someone asked me to move (we smoke in our back garden) then i would move without hesitation... When I was a non-smoker with both of my pregnancies we lived in a little flat where our next door neighbours smoked. I used to get really irritated that I could smell it.

I think urnbu to ask them to move x

Cazzaben · 13/04/2009 23:50

oh by the way... i know im a smelly bugger!!!!

I have been a non-smoker twice... I just cant help myself though!!!

It really is very pong wiffy... Worse than the Bog of eternal stench....

But I just cant help it

Poppity · 14/04/2009 01:01

Onagar, a bonfire isn't several times every day.
And it DOES make your washing stink.
It stinks, it's horrid, yes there are plenty of other things that are also bad for your lungs, but having a child with chest problems you actively avoid these.
Also, having someone else's smoke drift into your window/garden over and over leaves a lingering stench.

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 14/04/2009 07:35

I take GREAT delight in using my lovely smoky incinerator right by the wall so that they get the benefit of it...this is once or twice per year, and one of the people who works there had the gall to complain. He didn't mention the smoke, just wondered if it was 'a bit near to the wall' and I told him it was quite safe, not to worry

ChairmumMiaow · 14/04/2009 08:29

YANBU. Smokers don't realise how much it and they smell. Our neighbours do the same but thankfully it doesn't get as far as DS's room, just means that I don't like taking DS into the garden when they are out there.

Its never come to it but I could never hire a smoker because spending all day sitting next to one makes me wheeze (I have asthma) - even if they don't smoke anywhere near me. I wonder if someone could get me for discrimination?

standanddeliver · 14/04/2009 08:35

I don't see why you shouldn't tell them that the smoke is coming in to your child's bedroom. I'm sure they would be mortified if they knew - most people are fairly decent about things like this.

onebatmother · 14/04/2009 09:25

I smoked till a couple of years ago. A lot. I don't think yabu and I feel v guilty now about the amount of acrid vile smoke I must have inflicted on our neighbours.

I think you should tread carefully though: 'I know this is going to seem like a huge cheek and I've really agonized about asking you, but dd has respiratory problems and you'd be amazed how much smoke comes through our windows.. is there any chance you could ask the kids to move further down the garden (don't mention the grwonups)

MegBusset · 14/04/2009 09:34

I don't think YABU at all, as long as you ask politely. When our neighbours smoke outside I have to shut the back door as it drifts in, and I can't stand the smell (speaking as an ex-smoker!).

When I've been in their house the stench is overwhelming, I think it's vile tbh. They have kids too, and a baby on the way

PMSLBrokeMN · 14/04/2009 09:40

Anyone who says YABU doesn't understand maybe how much ciggy smoke affects kids with chest problems - DS has asthma and like with ChairmumMiaow, just being near someone who has smoked recently is enough to make him wheezy. And as for people smoking outside a window, well when he was younger he was in hospital for something else, and there was building work going on - a couple of the men were standing outside the children's ward (which was on the 1st floor) and the ciggy smoke was drifting in through the window, only 2 men so not much smoke you'd think. Well it still gave DS a bad asthma attack, lucky he was already in hospital or I'd have been calling the ambulance AGAIN.

OK, rant over, I just get cross when people say 'oh it's only a bit of ciggy smoke, get over it'.

Divvy · 14/04/2009 09:53

I had my washing out yesterday, and some mad woman set fire to her pampas plant...now my washing stinks of smoke!

TheYearOfTheCat · 14/04/2009 10:06

It is true that smokers smell vile. I got my make up done in Selfridges recently, and the girl doing it had just had a fag and hadn't washed her hands. . . boak!

bronze · 14/04/2009 10:06

Divvy keep faith in the fact that shes unlikely to have more than one.

I had a rant the other day about my neighbours. You want smoke..see my profile.

Having said that I can see the OPs point of view. Just ask nicely. Its all you can really do, or be chicken like I suggested before. You havnt got much to lose

FAQinglovely · 14/04/2009 10:54

haha @ Divvy

the results of the fire are on my profile

Rafi · 14/04/2009 10:58

YANBU. A nurse & doctor should definitely understand the effect their smoke is having on your DD.
My DP has asthma & just sitting near someone who smells of smoke can start her off

bronze · 14/04/2009 10:59

You two have now had to make me do a search on pampas grass to see what you're talking about. ~Good thing dh isnt looking over my shoulder or he would be wondering if I was.. branching out

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 14/04/2009 11:10

This may come back and bite you if you ever have barbecues!

AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 11:40

ah see now barbeques should definitely be sited as far down the garden as possible, imo.

gagamama · 14/04/2009 11:41

YANBU to ask. They obviously don't have to oblige, but chances are they would be horrified and apologetic if they knew. I doubt it would really occur to them otherwise.

IMO, people who smoke outside because they don't want their home to smell of smoke are no better than people who let their dogs poo on the pavement because they don't want it in their garden. It's disgusting, really. People should wallow in their own filth if they insist on being filthy.

Rafi · 14/04/2009 12:43

When the people in the flat next to ours smoke, the smell pours into our bathroom through the air vent

I think smokers should be able to go out & socialise & enjoy a fag. But I'd have adult-only, licensed venues for them to do it in, & I'd make tobacco products ONLY available at those venues - & illegal outside of them.

Never happen, I know, but I like the idea.

kalo12 · 14/04/2009 12:53

i think you could ask them and be pleasant about it i'm sure they will be reasonable people and respond appropriately. its a normal reasonable request and you are neighbours and there isn't much point getting yourdelf worked up about it on an internet site when could could be solved with some simple everyday human interaction.

if it was me next door I wouldn't mind

ladylush · 14/04/2009 13:05

Hmm, well YANBU to be bothered by it but YABU if you think you have the right to ask them where to smoke in their own garden.

You could try something like "I know I have no right to ask you this, but when you smoke in your garden it comes into my house which means I can't have my windows open....is there any chance you could consider smoking further up the garden?" Tbh I think a direct approach is better than talking loudly in your house hoping they'll hear you. It'll be obvious what you're up to and might make them defiant iyswim.

oliviasmama · 14/04/2009 14:16

Oh go on - ask them. If you have a good relationship with them and do it in a nice way surely they wont be offended.

If however they start flicking their fag ends over into your garden take it that they were offended

chriskelly · 14/04/2009 15:33

I think a lot of smokers are in denial about the smell. I laugh now when I remember coming home from uni and smoking in my parent's bathroom - thought that having the window open and spraying around some deodorant or perfume really disguised the smell - yeah right!! It must have absolutely stunk in there.

I can really smell it on someone if they have been outside and had a fag - even if they've been smoking in a force 10 gale - it clings and lingers.

I would definitely have a word with your neighbours - if it is drifting up to your child's bedroom then that's just not on and any reasonable person would be prepared to move a bit further up their garden surely? I hope they will take it well - sometimes people are just generally oblivious to their own cigarette smoke and aren't deliberately being anti-social.

knickers0nmahead · 14/04/2009 16:10

YABU. I don't smoke in my house, I smoke in my yard. It is their garden at the end of the day.

AitchTwoOh · 14/04/2009 16:36

i take it you don't like the smell in your house, knickers. neither does the OP.