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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask our neighbourns to smoke further down their garden??

150 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins · 13/04/2009 19:53

I can't open the kitchen windows and door or my little ones bedroom window and is soooooo warm today! Its driving me mad!

They smoke outside their house as they won't smoke inside and yet expose us to it in the process!

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 13/04/2009 20:07

Tax, Mary, tax!

Dilettante · 13/04/2009 20:12

It's one of those situations where society thinks YABU to ask them not to, and yet they ABU for not considering that their smoking near the house is affecting you and your kids.

FrannyandZooey · 13/04/2009 20:13

i think it would be ok to ask
presumably they don't realise it is a problem for you and will be happy to oblige? [optimistic]

HairyMuff · 13/04/2009 20:13

Stand by their house and let out a really smelly loud fart and then waft it in their direction . Farting and smoking are as anti-social as each other I reckon

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins · 13/04/2009 20:16

Yes please HairyMuff!!!

OP posts:
TheOldestCat · 13/04/2009 20:19

I feel your pain (bloke in flat below smokes, the smell comes into our bathroom), really I do - but you can't expect them not to smoke if they want to in their garden. But it would be ok to ask I think.

oxocube · 13/04/2009 20:19

Another non-smoker but YABU

onagar · 13/04/2009 20:29

YABU

Also I'm having trouble believing how much smoke is supposed to come off a cigarette that it pollutes a room and all the washing as well as presuambly an equal area in all directions. I think that might violate a law of physics.

spicemonster · 13/04/2009 20:31

Don't ask! Blimey. I don't smoke but I'd be really irritated if someone asked me not to smoke in my garden.

I used to sleep in a room above the patio where my dad used to smoke his cigar every evening when I was a kid. I could smell it but I don't have asthma, it didn't make the room smell or me or my clothes.

I think people are a leeeetle bit hysterical about cigarette smoke.

AitchTwoOh · 13/04/2009 20:36

how is it unreasonable to ask? they might just go 'oh gosh i'm so embarrassed etc'. when our neighbours friends smoke in the garden it does REALLY stink, we can smell it in the front of the house. fortunately they aren't there very often.

sparkplug · 13/04/2009 20:38

I think if you ask them not to smoke, you leave yourself open to lots of requests from them that you might not be happy about.

What will happen if they object to the noise of your LOs? If your children kick a ball into their garden? If your children overlook their garden from their climbing frame? If you have a barbecue?

I also think you are being super-sensitive to the smoke. I can't imagine that there can be very much reaching you when it is mixed in with the outside air.

I hate smoking, btw, but somethings you have to put up with unless you live in an isolated croft.

onagar · 13/04/2009 20:39

Well it's unreasonable because they may feel embarrased and why should they?

But if you are friends it might be ok.

lilacclaire · 13/04/2009 20:43

I am a smoker and yanbu.
I would be mortified if my cig smoke was going into a childs bedroom and would happily move.
If you have a good relationship with them, just ask, im sure they wouldn't want to be doing this (hint, they know it stinks thats why their doing it outside)

stainesmassif · 13/04/2009 20:43

i don't think it's unreasonable to ask if you're already on good terms. is there anything you can offer to accomodate them on in return?

(i am a rabid ex smoker, can't STAND the smell of it now and can't wait for them to ban it. particularly in the mornings. gak.)

Poppity · 13/04/2009 20:45

We have neighbours like that too- it's horrid.
They stand outside the front of their house and smoke and I can't open any of the windows on that side of my house.

It doesn't need to be very much smoke to make the washing stink btw.

I heartily sympathise, if you discover a solution please let me know

MumOfAPickle · 13/04/2009 20:46

YANBU. From what I understand in your OP you are not asking them not to smoke in their garden at all - you're asking them to move down a bit. If you've got teenagers smoking out there then it could be a nightmare come summer (this is from someone who spent her teenage years permanently attached to a Marlboro ). If your relationship is good then just explain, nicely, that when they smoke there it really stinks your LO's room out. Its not the end of the world for them to smoke at the other end of their garden surely.

bronze · 13/04/2009 20:48

Have your dcs window open wait until they are out there smoking then say in a very loud voice' but dc I have to shut the window because the smoke is coming in again' then slam the window

FAQinglovely · 13/04/2009 20:52

well no it doesn't need to be much smoke to make it stink if the stand directly next to the clothes on the washing line......

I guess there's no harm in asking them - butI'm still having difficulty trying to imagine how many of them there must be out there smoking at any one given time to get smoke in a bedroom and stink the clothes out

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins · 13/04/2009 20:53

Bronze - Great idea, I'll try that first! Thanks for some understanding out there, i'm not being super sensitive, but its unhealthy, my baby has chest problems and it stinks!

OP posts:
Divvy · 13/04/2009 20:54

At least its not cannabis!

ChippingIn · 13/04/2009 21:56

tryingtobemarypoppins - so long as you ask nicely, there's absolutely no reason not to ask. I can't think why anyone would say it was unreasonable to ask... if you said demand then quite a different story...

I have never smoked and hate the smell of it, but if I did anything that annoyed someone I would much rather they told me (I might not stop doing it , but I'd like the choice!!).

FAQinglovely · 13/04/2009 21:58

lol guess that's what you neighbours smoke hey Div

Aefondkiss · 13/04/2009 22:03

I would ask nicely first, I think the window option is a bit rude... I don't smoke but I would rather my neighbour asked me politely to stop doing something than being rude.

lowenergylightbulb · 13/04/2009 22:20

Oh FFS. Unless your neighbours are standing right outside the windows and are actively puffing smoke in I really don't think that it's a health issue.

Jesus, we can't smoke in public and we have to put up with people wanting to ban us from having a fag in our own gardens ...

I reckon car emissions are probably more deleterious to health than someone standing in their own garden having a fag.

4andnotout · 13/04/2009 22:26

YABU, im not a smoker but i wouldn't want someone telling me what i can and cannot do in my own garden.