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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended that a one-night stand only wanted a one-night stand?

109 replies

didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:05

Ok- Im pretty sure I am but please hear me out.

Met a really nice bloke on Friday night and ended up going home with him and having sex! (Totally out of character but had a great time!) First man I've slept with since I split up with exH a year ago.

I was happy for it just to be a one-night thing as I am really enjoying being on my own but feel offended that he hasn't called or even text me.

It's really knocked my confidence. What is wrong with me? Did he not find me attractive?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I know I'm being ridiculous but would have been nice if he'd have wanted to see me again. (although I probably wouldn't want to meet up with him again!)

OP posts:
Deemented · 13/04/2009 12:08

Well... you both got what you wanted - a quick fuck... can't see the problem.

It's seems like you're bringing emotions into it... when emotions shouldn't be involved, iyswim.

You need to start having sex like a bloke...

YanknbeforetheCockcrows · 13/04/2009 12:10

Huh? You expect him to call or text you (but you have not called or texted him) and you don't want to meet up with him again anyway???

YABU. and silly.

chequersmate · 13/04/2009 12:10

You went home with someone you met on Friday, it's not like it was a pre-arranged date or something.

I wouldn't expect to be called again in those circs (not judging btw, sounds like you had a marvellous time).

MuffinBaker · 13/04/2009 12:11

Maybe he is feeling the same because you haven't contacted him.

MegBusset · 13/04/2009 12:12

YABU. If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't have slept with you. And presumably you haven't texted him, either?

Don't let it knock your confidence. But don't kid yourself that some random man you pick up in a bar is ever likely to be more than a quick shag!

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 13/04/2009 12:15

you are being daft

you want him to call you, but you don;t want to meet up again

take it for what it was, a shag.

end of

one night stands are fine, as long as you use a condom and don;t expect anything else from it other than the sex.

the fact you are getting all in knots about it perhaps indicates one night stands are not for you

Original poster
didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:17

TBH I txt him last night because I lost my bag and txt him to ask him if I'd brought it home with me. He didn't reply. All I put was- Hey, hope you've recovered from the hangover. Dont suppose I left my bag there? I've bloody lost it! You up to much tonight? I'm having an early night- I didn't get much sleep last night ;0)

He didnt reply! Thats rude right?

OP posts:
chequersmate · 13/04/2009 12:19

Um, I think that's par for the course when someone's not interested.

Sorry.

It is rude though (unless he's lost his phone/has no credit).

kittywise · 13/04/2009 12:20

He most likely thinks you want to see him again and is terrified!. He's probably got a gf/dw anyway!

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 13/04/2009 12:21

he is probably freaking . you should hvae just asked if he had your bag.

Shambolic · 13/04/2009 12:21

Not to reply is a bit rude i suppose, but maybe he doesn't want to get drawn into anything.

I think you should delete his number

And move on!

If you don't want to see him anyway there's no reason to be upset that he hasn't texted - but I understand what you mean - I remember this sort of thing from before I met DH.

Try to think, you had a good time, you only wanted a one night stand, you don't want to see him anyway, so everything is fine and dandy.

MuffinBaker · 13/04/2009 12:22

Should def have just mentioned the bag.

He probably thinks it is just an excuse to text him.

Original poster
didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:24

You're all so right. Thanks for the replies. Think I need to give myself a good talking to.
Maybe one-night stands aren't the way forward for me. I defo think about things too much! Thanks again

OP posts:
4andnotout · 13/04/2009 12:25

I agree you should have just asked for the bag, by asking what he is up to tonight he probably is panicking that you want a re-run tonight.
If you honestly dont want to see him again whats the problem if he hasn't replied?

YanknbeforetheCockcrows · 13/04/2009 12:26

agree with MuffinBaker, it does sound like an excuse for contact (even if it wasn't).

He probably doesn't have it, and doesn't see the need to text you back to say so (a bit rude, but not unexpected for the situation).

Bluestocking · 13/04/2009 12:27

Oh dear, DIR, that text makes you sound like a right bunny-boiler. The poor man is probably shaking in his shoes! If it was only supposed to be a one-night-stand, how come you have his phone number? I don't have much of a clue about dating etiquette these days.

Shambolic · 13/04/2009 12:29

Also want to say though, that I have had some really good boyfriends from one night stands, so it's not impossible!

Never a good idea to expect to see people again though...

Original poster
didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:29

Was gutted I lost my bag! Its my fav one so really wanted to find it (wasn't an excuse to txt him, honest!)
See what you all mean bout just asking for the bag though. Was a ott txt under the circumstances. SHIT!

OP posts:
Original poster
didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:31

Oh god, I sounded like a bunny boiler?! (GROAN!)
That is not good news. I have alot to learn, quite clearly!

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 13/04/2009 12:33

Cheer up, DIR, I boiled a few bunnies in my day but I'm all better now!

Shambolic · 13/04/2009 12:33

Chin up, you won't ever see him again, put it all down to experience

KimiAteTooManyEasterEggs · 13/04/2009 12:34

This is why sleeping with someone you just met is never a good idea,

Men who do this have no respect for the women who they do it with.

wickerman · 13/04/2009 12:37

oh, DIR, don't worry about it.
Enjoy the memory of a good shag - hope it was a good one.

And put the bag down to experience.

And the text was ok, not BBish. Just a bit wordy. "Did I leave my bag at yours?" Would have been fine.

And work out if you want to have one night stands again or if you are actually ready for a relationship.

Although I agree with whoever said you CAN start a relationship with a ons.

Don't WORRY!

Original poster
didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:37

Thanks guys. Have deleted his number just incase I ever think its a good idea to contact him. Gutted I sent a bunny boiling txt though.

OP posts:
Shambolic · 13/04/2009 12:38

It is a good idea if you don't get emotional about it afterwards

Works for some people, not others. Men as well as women.