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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be offended that a one-night stand only wanted a one-night stand?

109 replies

didIreally · 13/04/2009 12:05

Ok- Im pretty sure I am but please hear me out.

Met a really nice bloke on Friday night and ended up going home with him and having sex! (Totally out of character but had a great time!) First man I've slept with since I split up with exH a year ago.

I was happy for it just to be a one-night thing as I am really enjoying being on my own but feel offended that he hasn't called or even text me.

It's really knocked my confidence. What is wrong with me? Did he not find me attractive?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I know I'm being ridiculous but would have been nice if he'd have wanted to see me again. (although I probably wouldn't want to meet up with him again!)

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/04/2009 13:35

I left a makeup bag full of expensive makeup at a one-nighter's house. I knew I had done it, too, and I just wrote it off and went to the mall to get more, kicking myself the entire way (I had to get cheaper stuff).

He did ring me a couple of days later to say it was at his.

I was so embarrassed I asked him just to leave it on his porch and I slinked over there and got it.

RockinSockBunnies · 13/04/2009 13:37

I know exactly how you feel! In my world of warped logic, if I have a one-night stand (which doesn't happen often nowadays!), I would like the other person to want to see me again, to pursue me and to flatter me, even if I never want to see them. It's certainly an ego thing, but also about power.

If I have a one-night stand with a hot guy, I like the fact that I've been able to pull someone that looks that good. It's an ego trip and a buzz, and I like that feeling of control. As soon as you've slept with them, the control vanishes and the power shifts. The doubts set in and you go from feeling on a high to feeling miserable.

Hence, I now try only to have occasional flings when I'm on holiday or in a totally different part of the country, so that there is no way at all that there is the potential for the encounter to be anything but casual. Also, perhaps it might be better if you looked for a fuck-buddy - no strings, but regular encounters.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2009 13:38

Scottish, my pal did the BEST runner ever!

She creeped out of this guy's flat, it was still dark.

She had her bag with her, thought everything was cool. It was one of those security access doors.

It was only when she got to her car that she realised she'd dropped her keys somewhere in his flat!

She had to go ring his buzzer to get let back in.

[shame]

I once had a one-nighter with a climber I knew who threw a big party.

I knew I was going to get bladdered, so I was supposed to go home with a pal.

Anyhow, I crept out of his place at around 6AM, still drunk, only to realise he lived in the arse end of nowhere and I had no car.

I had to ring a friend to come collect me.

I owed her big time!

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2009 13:45

expat - you sound like a lady i could go out with for drinks and a laugh

have had the hairy gorilla as well

shudders

have also had the one night stand , when i said i would call and didnt (on a saturday night) and then on monday saw him at the train station when i was on work experience for college and we were both put at the same place

spent the week trying to avoid him all day to then spend the last 30mins on train with him

he just didnt take the hint

Original poster
didIreally · 13/04/2009 13:56

wow, suppose it could be much worse. Will put it down to experience!
Was defo pleased with myself for pulling such a hottie. Suppose it was just my ridiculous ego hoping he'd want more and I'd get to turn him down. Ooooops

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/04/2009 13:58

Oh, it's definitely a buzz and fun.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2009 14:01

Oh, blondes, the stories! LOL. There was this one guy, damn, the sex was good, but the only thing I can remember about him was the name of his 'pet' Monitor lizard, Maurice.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2009 12:05

maurice the lizard?

also had one bloke who had craters of stars and moons on his ceiling - was a nice enough bloke - sex was ok

then talking to my bf a few weeks later,she also had slept with him the night before she only remembers the sparkling stars!!

have to say i had lots of fun in my pre hubby days

DIDIREALLY hope you feel happier today after reading about our conquests

expatinscotland · 14/04/2009 14:26

I did have one one-night stand that turned into a fuck buddy situation. But then one night he rang at about 1AM, I thought, 'Oh, guess he didn't get lucky at the bar,' and so he came over for the night.

Then he told me he'd sold someone some bad acid and wanted to stay out of his place for the night.

Erm, that was about the last thing I needed, some psycho chasing a lousy drug dealer.

I had another one-nighter, well, one-dayer that I saw a few more times. It was right before I left for the UK so I had a few last hurrahs.

One time he just sort of showed up. He knocked on my door and well, lucky for him, I happened to be alone and in the mood.

tessofthedurbervilles · 14/04/2009 14:53

I tried to do a runner once, only to realise that I was stuck by my t*t tape to his cheap nasty pillows.
He was woken to the sight of my flailing seal impression as I did my best to free my poor b**bies from the pillow...

goodnightmoon · 14/04/2009 14:55

YANBU and I think a lot of people here really need to raise their standards.

a one night stand is a one night stand, but it is downright rude not to at least text back.

the two of you had a good time and he can't send a lighthearted text?

yours was not bunny boiler material, IMO.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2009 15:01

it is polite to text back, but if you start replying, then you both need to reply back, and eventually one wont - iykwim

a one night stand is meant to be that - a one off night (hopefully of passion) and not to see/text/talk again to

Nancy66 · 14/04/2009 15:02

A friend of mine met a guy in a bar and ended up inviting him back for 'coffee' - they were getting intimate and tearing each other's clothes off but she was having trouble getting his jeans off past his ankles - he helped her and then she saw the reason for the obstruction: An electronic tag - he'd just been released that day!

She still did though...

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2009 15:05

and i bet he was grateful and probably came quickly

MorrisZapp · 14/04/2009 15:11

If you ever want to see the guy again, don't have sex the first night.

Took me literally decades to learn that one but the penny finally dropped and I understood that I wasn't the one exception to the rule.

'It's ok for me to have sex with him because we really do both like each other and we definitely will see each other again' etc etc, self justification.

Nowt wrong with one night stands if you can handle it emotionally.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/04/2009 16:05

MorrisZapp that isn't always true. I shagged DH the first night we hooked up and now we're married with DS

Reading this thread has made me pmsl remembering some great and not so great encounters.
One guy had such a small willy it was unbelievable, it was like a bit of broken off breadstick. I was so disappointed I think I just got out of bed and went and slept in my flatmates bed. He had gone when I went back to my own room in the morning.

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:08

I cant believe lulu used the word shag!!!! I am shocked

expatinscotland · 14/04/2009 16:08

I've heard of it happening, Ali, but really, Morris brings up a salient point in that yours is the exception rather than the rule.

Nancy66 · 14/04/2009 16:08

I think the four words every man must dread hearing are:

"is it in yet?"

closely followed by:

"do you love me?"

Mind you, if you have to ask the first you're unlikely to ever be asking the second!

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2009 16:09

rofl....at broken breadstick....

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/04/2009 16:10

Expat that is true. God knows there were times in the past where I regretted not having better self control

expatinscotland · 14/04/2009 16:11

Oh, my pal was the queen of one-nighters. She has never had a drink of alcohol, or tried drugs or had cigarettes (her parents were junkies) but before she married, she liked to get off in quantity.

She did pull this one chap at a bar whist we were on holiday in Hawaii. He was totally cut!

So off she went.

She was back at the bar a few minutes later.

'That guy uses steroids, and he's got the pea-sized dick to show for it.'

Nope, she didn't screw him!

And he never showed his face in that bar again.

MorrisZapp · 14/04/2009 16:13

I know a few people who have managed to have a LTR that started with a first night shag (including me! but there were other circumstances) but the reality is that these tend to be the exception.

I know it's wrong, appalling etc but most men want you to say no to them the first night, despite the fact they may be literally begging you to say yes.

It makes me sick in this day and age and as a feminist I chose to write my own rules on this for many years. I had many great one night stands (and a few cringeworthy ones) but I never got the prized phone call.

It's crap, it's sexist, it's wrong, but it's how it is.

ForeverOptimistic · 14/04/2009 16:16

If I was him I wouldn't think that you were a bunny boiler but I would think that the tone of the text implied that you wanted to see him again.

YANBU to feel offended, it is bad manners not to have responded to you. I would be rubbish at one night stands.

Nancy66 · 14/04/2009 16:16

MorrisZapp - I think (on the whole) you're right.

Men will try anything to get into your knickers on a date and then, if they get lucky, they seem to turn it around and use it against you.

As you say, wrong and reeks of double standards but men tend you write you off as a 'slapper' if you drop your drawers on the first date.