Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to applaud DH for threatening to break legs of little hoodies.......

191 replies

loflo · 09/04/2009 20:08

Driving home tonight with DH and DS and our local gang of wee knobs hardmen are throwing stones at moving cars. Clever boys that they are.

DH goes to turn our car and they do it again - so DH marches over and says in no uncertain terms that if they do it again he won't mess about it.

I have no problem at all with kids being out playing - I lived two minutes away from our current house when I grew up (and dinosaurs roamed) and we all played outside. But FFS DS is 5 and knows that throwing stones at cars is v wrong and these "young men" are at a guess 9 or 10.

Just waiting to wake up tomorrow morning to a horses head in my bed with a warning.....

OP posts:
Shambolic · 10/04/2009 10:25

This is brilliant.

In my old flat (in a fairly nice area, not sure if that's relevant!)large groups of young men used to gather and kick a football around including up against the cars etc - it was under my flat so really loud - and large wafts of marijuana would sail in through my windows. Would go on until about midnight/one about once a week or so.

It did annoy me because they damaged the cars, and they were really noisy, and the sound of the ball smashing against things used to keep me awake.

People are really suggesting that I should have gone down and had a polite word with them? You are all a lot braver than me. As a small and (at the time) twenty-something woman i did not fancy wandering into a gang of large young men after dark. Maybe I should have? I just don't think it would have been a sensible thing to do.

fattiemumma · 10/04/2009 10:27

sorry yes that's kinda what i meant QuackQuack.

its hardly very brave to go and threaten a child but its a lot less risky than speaking to the parents.

i know very well the dangers of such a meeting as a friend of my family was beaten to death (high profile case) in front of his two children because he asked for his son's ball back.

Mumcentreplus · 10/04/2009 10:28

...ok the threatening to break legs was wrong but I understand he was angry at the time... I do think it's important that people approach and challenge these children and the younger the better...I would have explained in great detail what could happen if the rocks damaged a car or passenger and how would they feel it they hurt someone...

noonki · 10/04/2009 10:30

shambolic...the kids were 9. Not young men.

Shambolic · 10/04/2009 10:31

Doesn't the same principle apply though? Gnags of younger children can be worse as they haven't got the hang of consequences yet - hence the throwing stones/dropping things off overpasses/putting stuff on train tracks etc

Shambolic · 10/04/2009 10:36

TBH i'm a bit feeble and wouldn't approach groups of any age or gender who were indulging in petty crime/anti-social behaviour etc.

I would probably hope that someone like the OPs DH would come along and have a word.

Sounds to me like he lost his temper, and really who can blame him. It's not as if he would actually assualt them , which is what some seem to have inferred.

KERALA1 · 10/04/2009 10:53

Surely if more people were like DH's OP rather than staring at the ground and ignoring bad behaviour the message that such behaviour is not acceptable in public (even if it is at home for these yobs) may have more of a chance of getting through?

My father was always the one that stood up to thugs in public places whilst every other man stared at his shoes. Yes it was embarrassing at the time but actually was very proud of him.

Shambolic · 10/04/2009 11:01

The depressing thing is that we all know and accept that when it comes to situations which involve any type of potential confrontation, it's best to send a large bloke in.

There are a thread on here where the annoying neighbours backed down when the OPs v large dad had a quiet word.

The papers etc are often a bit about tiny female police officers - certainly when there's trouble the copper you want to wander rounf the corner is a old fashioned massive bloke.

The OPs DH shouldn't have made threats - understandable why he did though - but the fact is that in all these situations it's a large man who steps into the fray. The undertone of that surely is violence - whether it's stated upfront or is inferred from the size of the bloke.

So even where threats aren't made, most people accept subconciously that an underlying threat of violence is required.

No-one suggests that elderly women stand up to thugs, or people with mobility problems, or teeny tiny women.

I know they do sometimes, obviously, but in the main it's a large man who does it.

How many people send their DH to have a lok if they hear a noise downstairs in the night and genuinely think it might be someone breaking in? How many would send their elderly granny? Why the difference?

Divvy · 10/04/2009 11:04

Some little punk once said to us....

"You dont know who my Dad is!"

dh said....

"Neighter does your Mother"

...sadly think it was wasted on him though

ilovesprouts · 10/04/2009 11:14

i had tons of trouble last year dog muck smeared on door handles eggs on windows every 2/nights abuse and they best one was when 4 15 year old threatend to dray my ds2 out of his pushchair and spit on him and also said they would smash all my windows and smack his face in whith an iron pole and of course when you go down to there house one mum told me to fook off and called my kid a basterd... and thats coming from them who dont no who there dads are

funkybuddah · 10/04/2009 11:15

I would have threatened to throw them at a car instead

funkybuddah · 10/04/2009 11:15

I would have threatened to throw them at a car instead

Mamazon · 10/04/2009 11:20

I don't ignore bad behaviour either. if i see children/youths or adults behaving badly i will intervene. however i do not believe that threatening violence is an effective way of preventing crime.

Shambolic · 10/04/2009 11:27

Blimey Mamazon you are very brave.

I wish I was more like that. I am too scared, especially when it is large groups of young men like the ones under my flat I was talking about earlier.

The thing is it probably would have been fine, but you just don't know do you.

Mumcentreplus · 10/04/2009 11:27

when I see the kids in my area doing nonsense I do say something esspecially to the young ones...like be careful,mind you hurt yourselves or should you be doing that?...my dad always speaks to the young lads in his area ...once he saw a group of about 10 starting to beat up one young boy ..he walked over and said 'leave the boy alone'..'don't let me have to talk to your parents'..they let the boy go

I think you have to obviously read the situation before you approach though...

Mamazon · 10/04/2009 11:43

less brave than you'd imagine. i work(ed) with young offenders and am of the opinion that in most cases their anti social behaviour iscaused by a lack of appropriate stimulus and poor home life.
I don't charge over all guns blazing, instead i walk over and speak to them calmly and rationally.

im "mates" with all the local "fuckwits"
i never condone their behaviour but they respect me for the fact that i do not treat them like scum the way everyone else does.

for example last week i was walking through the parade and a couple of young kids from the local gang were swingin on a telephone booth. the local PCOS was telling them to get down, and yelling at them.
i walked past and said "xx stop being a little sod and get down" he jumped straight down and apologised.

all most of these kids want is someone to hear their side of the story half the time.
admitedly you get some that have had the bad boy image ingrained into them too far and they are beyond the help of anything but time inside and intensive counselling and rehabilition. but in the main, they are still just kids

Shambolic · 10/04/2009 13:37

Next time maybe I will try to conjure up some bravery and have a word.

I really think that things would be better if people did feel able to say something when people were doing things wrong.

Part of thr problem I suppose is that in day to day life people show so little concern and respect for each other that no-one is setting an example.

Steamrunner · 10/04/2009 15:30

Bleeding heart balderdash! hear their side of the story? The fuckers are practically incoherent anyway. Mebbe threatening them with violence isn't technically the right thing to do but who in a similar situation wouldn't?
I know I'd rip the fucking lungs oot of the charmless bastard(s) who kicked my wing mirror off on Monday night if I knew who did it. Fuckers the lot of them and they all want a damn good birching.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 10/04/2009 15:32

I blame the meejah.

Whenever someone does "have a word" and gets stabbed to death for it, there's a meejah hoo-hah and people are left with the impression that having a word inevitably results in your funeral. Naturally they don't report all the times people have a word and the result is a grunted apology and cessation of the undesired behaviour. This creates a climate where most people simply aren't willing to risk speaking up in case it leads to escalation with much more serious results than the original irritation.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 10/04/2009 15:34

Oh God. The bank holiday posters are here.

ilovesprouts · 10/04/2009 15:55

steamrunner i agree we you

Original poster
loflo · 10/04/2009 16:19

No JodieO I am not patronising and do you know what else? I would rather raise a child who is able to stand up for himself and knows right from wrong than one who looks the other way. But that is my opinion which is as legitimate as yours, and one of the reasons we all like mumsnet

OP posts:
sachkrimbo · 10/04/2009 16:19

We had trouble when there was the massive snow fall. Built snowman outside our house, local yobs pushed it over. Build one in front garden, local yobs entered our front garden and pushed it over. They then made the biggest snowball/mountain they could and pushed it in the middle of the road where it could have caused accidents. I completely lost it, ran out, screamed and shouted at them and then phoned the police. Cops arrived approx 15 minutes later, shovelled snow off road and then ended up staying there the whole day as the yobs ran away before they arrived and had done this again a short distance up the raod. Police said they always have this trouble when there is snow. Maybe I'm being naive but I thought snow was a fun thing for kids and I think that is a reflection on how wank the world is becoming now.

ScummyMummy · 10/04/2009 16:23

Agree with Orm and Mamazon that in the main more flies are caught with honey than vinegar. Ime, some men (and perhaps a few women too) can be appallingly bad at realising this and may escalate (admittedly difficult) situations through aggressive "macho" responses. And, actually, the opposite- some modelling of clear values and calm, effective communication- perhaps especially from a bloke, is what often helps kids to back down and start behaving a little better. However, though I think threatening to break legs is well out of order and unhelpful, I do acknowledge that it's v difficult to find the right response in the heat of the moment while having stones thrown at you.

QuackQuackQuackQuack · 10/04/2009 16:27

We also had trouble withe the snow. Yobs throwing snowballs at the house all day long and then out came the quad bikes, scramblers it and mini motos. Raced all around the estate all day long. Not only was the noise a problem but it was bloody dangerous for the poor people in their cars with them idiots skidding everywhere.

Phoned the police and was told they couldnt attend because of the snow

So they raced around and caused havoic all day safe in the knowlede we were a law free zone