To think that sending one child to nursery while the other is on school holidays is mean!

[theBFG]

My sister has two children. One is seven and the other is three. The youngest one is in nursery as Dsis works full time. But her dh works shifts, so when her eldest is on holiday he either arranges his shifts to allow for the holidays, or dsis takes time off work, or my parents look after him.

But they continue to send the younger one to nursery, and the reason they give is that 'we're paying for it so he's going.'

Now he's getting older, he's starting to catch on that something is different, as they drop him first rather than the older child. But they just lie to him and say that the other child is going to school after him. They even take the other child's school bag in the car to keep up the pretence. Because they know that if he knew that his brother was staying home he would cry and not want to go to nursery.

I feel so for him. And feel that it's just wrong and horrible and mean.

YANBU. I agree with pointydog, why not just send the youngest to nursery part time in the holidays so that he can have some time with his family too, especially as he will be attending nursery full time with very little break in the year. Although it is nursery and learning through play it is still good for children to have some hometime and time with the family when possible.

It is a completely different situation if the child went to nursery part time but he goes Full time all year around, doesn't he deserve a break too. Just don't get it myself. And as for the money being wasted, its not being wasted, it keeps the place there for when you need it.

YABU. My dd is 3. She is aware that ds (5) is off school. She enjoys going to nursery. All I have to say, is a list of her friends and she is grabbing her coat and bag to go and play with them. She goes 3 days a week, so on the other 4 she is playing with ds and going on playdates and such as usual.

Nursery is all about play and learning through enjoying play. School IMHO in more like hard work, and more structured. Therefore ds needs holidays regularly and dd doesn't.

I agree with you, bfg. More than that, I do think the meanness goes beyond the lying. I don't think it's particularly fair to send the younger one away to nursery all day every day when he could be going on family trips or enjoying lazy holidya time with his family.

YABU. My dd is 3. She is aware that ds (5) is off school. She enjoys going to nursery. All I have to say, is a list of her friends and she is grabbing her coat and bag to go and play with them. She goes 3 days a week, so on the other 4 she is playing with ds and going on playdates and such as usual.

Nursery is all about play and learning through enjoying play. School IMHO in more like hard work, and more structured. Therefore ds needs holidays regularly and dd doesn't.

3 days a week is differnet to five days, 8 till 6.

I think your sister IB incredibly U!

It's okay to let child1 have some alone time with Mum/Dad. The lying thing is, frankly APPALLING!

Cherrylips have you actually read the thread? This child is in full time nursery five days a week, even when his brother has time off. But worse than that he is being lied to so that he won't want to stay at home.

You think that lying to children is perfectly acceptable then?

As you say cherrylips she goes 3 days a week and on the other days she has playdates etc, The Op said this child goes full time, there is a massive difference imo. What happened to wanting to spend time with children? Have no problem with the child going full time, but when the opportunity arises to spend dome time away from nursery then they should take it. Also if the child was so happy to go, as your child is, they wouldn't need to lie.

As adults, even in a job we are happy with, we are pleased to have time off!

It doesn't matter that all they do is 'play'. It's still an institution and we all enjoy a break from an intitution. Don't people like having endless lazy days with their whole families? How bizarre

the lying and getting teh sibling to collude is terrible. absoluely awful

can see both children will have a lot to discuss with their therapists in later life

surely the younger child could come out of nursery for some of the time.

for family stuff?

surely if you pay for hte place, you still keep it, even if the child is not there

sounds really bizarre to make such a big lie and get the sibling to lie

so she will feel special and more important than teh younger sibling and more a part of the family

that is really sad and horrible

dd2 is still going to nursery while dd1 is off school, though she does only go 1.5 days. I used yesterday to take dd1 on a big uniform shop but it looks like dd2 will miss Thursday anyway as she spent most of last night throwing up She's also off next week as the 4 of us are going on holiday.

For us it's useful as it gives me some 121 time with dd1, not sure I could do it full time for every holiday though, that does seem mean.

What a strange thread, I find it quite hard to believe anyone would do this.

And surely no 7 year old could be trusted to not let it slip?

i used to send ds to his nursery when dd was on holiday, but he only went 1 day a week. his pre-school isn't open during the holidays so it's not an option anymore.

i did it so i could have a day with dd on our own, we'd do stuff you just couldn't do with a little one in tow, cinema etc.

well am i BU?

DD1 (age 5) is off school for easter
DD2 (age 3.5) goes to nursery and is going as usual this week. (3 half days and 1 full day)

yesterday DD1 stayed at home with me and pottered about the house whilst i was working/on mumsnet and DD2 went to nursery. DD2 likes nursery and although she would also have liked to stay at home i felt DD1 needed some time to chill out which she doesn't really get to do when DD2 is around.

today DD1 is at a kids club for the morning and DD2 at nursery.

weds DD1 at home, DD2 at nursery in the morning

thurs DD2 at nursery all day, DD1 at kids club in the morning and then will spend the afternoon helping me get everything ready to go away for the weekend.

AIBU? probably. But during term time DD2 gets plenty of time with me - afternoons, all day Friday. DD1 gets a bit of time in the holidays. tis lovely.

but i do think a FT nursery place is different and that kids do need a break too.

I agree, not nice to lie to him.
Having said that, I work from home and I will have DS1 at home with me on Thursday and DS2 will still go to the Childminders.
I will still have to be around for work stuff, DS1 is far quieter and will occupy himself better should he need to. It will only be for this one day and I do miss spending time with DS1 on his own anyway.
Also, DS2 loves his CM and begs to go even on the days he spends with me
If it was feasible to have both boys home with me, I wouldn't send DS2 to the CM, no.

YANBU in that you disagree with the lying and deception and it is teaching the older child a bad lesson, that it is ok to lie.
Does the younger one enjoy nursery? If so then YABU to think it is mean and cruel, I know people whose children have terrible trouble settling back into nursery if they have had a holiday and it can take weeks to get back on track. They may also want to spend some time with the older child as the younger could take all the attention when he is there too.
Also YABU to think it is any of your business, if your Dsis started telling you what to do with your childcare arrangements you would probably tell her to sod off, no?

But the younger one isn't there at all during the holidays as he is at nursery full time! Whilst The eldest is having a 'family break'! And as for taking weeks to get back in to nursery, going part time during the holidays would aleviate this problem too and even if it didn't, young children deserve a break from full time nursery.

The OP isn't interfering in the childcare arrangements, she is just asking if she is BU to think it is mean and I agree with her is is really mean and it makes me sad to think that a 3 year old doesn't have the opportunity to enjoy some time away from nursery with her sibling and family when there is an easy opportunity too.

ooo tricy one - DS2 went to a LEA nursery that was open all year round (well 48 I think it was actually)- they managed this by making teh nurser week Mon-Thu

this meant the children could go in during school holidays.

I think the issue here (in the OP) is not that the younger child going to nursery butthat the parents are lying to the child. With DS2 I gave him the option "nursery or at home with DS1 and DS3" - it would vary, even on days when he knew we were going to the park etc he would still sometimes decide he preferred to go to nursery.

MIA I do agree with you that maybe the younger one could go 2 or 3 days a week in the holidays instead of 5 and TBH that is probably what I would do too in that situation. I think lying to the younger child is awful and I would feel mean too.
I didn't say she was interfering, I just don't think it is really her business what her sis childcare arrangements are.

I do this sometimes. It depends where the childminder is taking them or how I feel that day and how my child feels that day. I pay for the day so why not?

I sometimes do it just to get the ironing done without children fighting.