To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

purplesponge-yes it is confirming I am doing the right thing.

Your post made me smile re the queueing up.

I expect it's the having to look after the children yesterday on his own that has wore him out.
I keep thinking I am in a time warp back to the 1950's .
Apparently he is now fed up ofhaving to do housework at the weekends as that is my job.
Just asked where my wages were then.
He said you have a roof over your head don't you!!

Hi stars. How long was your H gone while he was getting the paper? Long enough to make a detour to the pub and give their profits a boost?

"You have a roof over your head don't you?" Honestly like thats something you should be grateful for when you have to live with a disgusting, arrogant, abusive bully like him. I cant think why you wouldn't be ecstatic over that!

He took the children with him to get the paper so no chance to go to the pub.

He is currently mowing the back lawn and no doubt, I may be wrong going on past experience will feel he has earned himself a pint at the pub.
Of course I may have mis judged him but usually when he goes on a tidying up frenzy he is leading up to that.

Oh of course he will need to relax with a pint (or 12) after all his hard work the poor love. Maybe you should run a nice hot bath for him for when he finishes. He can then sit down to a nice cooked meal (his favorite of course), before you give him a foot rub. After all shame on you for looking after his children all day, every day since they were born. Thats not hard work at all. (Katlokna would like to point out that she is being extremely sarcastic before she gets lynched!) Seriously though, maybe some day he will grow up and realise that life is hard work and if he wants someone to be his mummy then he has already got one.

Sorry to hear that he's being a PITA again, although it's good that you're taking something positive from it.

The 'roof over your head' comment is so very very familiar. If it weren't for your dcs I'd be very concerned that you were my step-mother

Just over a week to go and H will be back at work/pub where he belongs, and you can finalise your plans.

Hang in there, you're doing brilliantly.

Hi stars, not posted for awhile but have been checking in, sorry he is being a twunt again.
As Bill said, hang on, all of this is only going to help you take that step. You are doing so well at not letting it get to you so much. Honestly, the difference in your posting style from the start of the other thread is such a difference!

Hey Stars - are you feeling (physically) better today then? Good if so. Am also very glad to hear you're staying strong against his insults. Not long now till you can start to put this all behind you...

Could do Thurs or Fri next week if you want to meet up with the kids, or come over the following week if you want a hand getting things sorted for leaving (or even just ferry you to appointments if that would help?). Am free till 4ish Tues and Wed, or till 2ish Thurs and Fri

Just checking to see how you are Stars.

Been away for a few days and have been anxious for you.

We're all rooting for you. H's Easter break (booze up) won't last much longer.

God, have been following these threads. You're being amazing and he is such a total arse.

Good luck in all that is to come.

Sorry to hear that he's being a knob again stars

Thinking of you tonight.

Am not doing very well tonight.
He did'nt go out but has been on the gin and tonics since 4pm and is just in a sarcastic mood.

Have been re reading the old posts YET AGAIN and found another when I searched.

dreadpirate -could you link them for my please so I have them altogether on this thread,thanks.
The nickname IS

CLOSINGTIME

Am in tears now at how long I have allowed this to continue.

starsnstripes my dear, many people allow this kind of thing to go on for far longer than you have, and some people never - never - do anything about it. Please don't cry. None of this is your fault.

It will always take time for someone who has been emotionally abused to realise that it is not normal, and then longer to pluck up the courage to do anything about it. You are doing really splendidly, do not ever forget that. Your courage is immense.

Just think, there are still people who live like you have been, and still believe they are the one at fault, that their life is normal, that they are wrong and worthless and will never be good enough. To get out of that way of thinking is the biggest and most difficult step and YOU have DONE IT. You deserve huge pats on the back and gold medals for that.

Insulting Call from Pub Sep 08

Stars - don't feel bad about how long this has gone on - feel good that you're going to be getting out of it. He has effectively been brainwashing you for all these years, and of course it's going to take a little time to 'deprogramme' yourself, and get you and DCs to a better place. But you're taking steps, and taking control back, and it's happening for you.

Just keep yourself and the DCs safe, and keep making plans.

(((((hug)))))

Your thread posted as closingtime is here; AIBU : to be annoyed at pub banter?

I'm off to finally make dinner but will be back later and link to all the others if DreadPirate isn't about tonight.

Please don't be upset - this really isn't your fault. JuxaLOT has made some wonderful points.

Hope you're ok.

x-post

Why the BillSFB?

You OK Stars?

Stars I've just spent the last few hours reading both threads & I am for once at a loss for words.

The mental abuse you have suffered has shocked me to my core - you seem so together & so dignified in your posts, you are stronger then you would have yourself believe.

You shouldn't have to live your life in fear.

I did notice that as your posts went on you sounded a little more positive with each one which is lovely to see, the real you is starting to breaking through all the years of put downs you have endured.

I hope that you get the fresh start that you & your DC so deserve - stay strong, hold your head high & start afresh.

I wish you & your DC all the best & will continue to read your progress whilst rooting for you all the while.

Much love & I don't care how un-MN it is but {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I suspose I have gone through the worst part already living as I have been.

Thanks for the links both of you.

Have found one from 2006 that I posted from his parents house.

nickname

CRAZED

I remember it well.

Mrsmagooo-It astounds me that complete strangers take the time to read my thread and support me.
Mamny of these posts of support have me in tears and strengthen my resolve.

Awful Inlaws June 06

Just read that thread through stars (and the other one earlier). These are not people you need in your or your DCs lives...

I really think that once you're out of there you should insist on supervised contact from these people, and make sure your H can't get passports, birth certs etc to take the kids over there on his own?

They really are a toxic f*d up family...

Poor you and poor DCs

But not for much longer. Go Stars!

dreadpirate-I think you are right,I see where H gets it from.

Have just found this thread from last year.
If I could just summon up that woman I was whilst posting that night I would almost be ready to go.

nickname

THISISSOBORING

drunk & incapable aug 08

Attila made some good points I thought. Maybe Al Anon is something you could look at later on, for the kid's benefit. Not to stand by him - he stopped deserving that a long time ago - but to help the kids understand what was happening, and how not to repeat his mistakes

And you can be that person - only more so. You know you can't put up with this, for your own sake and for the sake of your children having a better life. Stay strong honey - you can do this!

You OK Stars? I'm off to bed now, but will check in in the morning.

xxx

I hope I can do this.
I have coped with bereavement etc so this should be easier.

I just wish that my situation was one of a couple splitting up under normal circumstances and could sit down and talk it through amicable ,pack some things and go.
Instead there is the house problems,his drinking and the fact he made it clear he did'nt want a divorce.

I still can't get my head round just leaving and not telling him.

Stars, talk us through what it is about leaving without telling him that is bothering you. Maybe it would help you to see it written down.

It makes no difference whether he wants a divorce, his behaviour is making it impossible to stay married. YOU get a say in this marriage too, he will realise that soon enough.