To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Right some basic facts abotu Panic attacks for you stars:

1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem in the course of a year

More than 1 in 10 people are likely to have a disabling anxiety disorder at some stage in their lives

And I found this on Wiki - re one of the possible causes of Panic attacks (I certainly noticed I had them worse whilst with my controlling ex )

Lack of assertiveness ? A growing body of evidence supports the idea that those that suffer from panic attacks engage in a passive style of communication or interactions with others. This communication style, while polite and respectful, is also characteristically un-assertive. This un-assertive way of communicating seems to contribute to panic attacks while being consistently present in those that are afflicted with panic attacks

Just reading through and can't really add anything nearly as wonderful as everyone else. They are certainly people who know!! Well done to you nitemare!

Flibberty wetting myself at that!! Makes me want to eat biscuits and do the same (although wouldn't need the biscuits or pasties coz im already there!!!! HA HA!)

Stars... You have nothing to be sorry about. You are a strong clever and beautiful person. You must remind yourself of positive things. DO NOT let this man< bring your life down anymore. You deserve to be loved and cherished you have done nothing wrong. Keep that strength that you have found... Keep reading the posts back (and all the other older threads) keep reminding yourself why you are doing this

Go with dread tomorrow and don't look back or feel bad xxxxxxxxxxx

Stars, I lurk a bit as I'm never on MN at the times you are, but just want to say again that you've come so far. Reread the list Servalan wrote (great post), that's so much you've done already.

Going the WA route would cut out all this running around - I can see that you're setting up these appointments and postponing a decision until you've had them, I can also see that this time is helping you grow stronger, but the time to leave is coming. If I were in your shoes I've no idea how I'd be, so although I want to say go, now, through WA, I'm happy to just be here with all the others in the background supporting you now and for when you go (soon I hope).

Anyway,I think you are fab. I'll go find some chocolate and prepare myself properly to join the cellulite cheering team.

Just nipped away from a playdate to see what was going on- have to get back before anyone kills anyone - just wanted to say - Stars, you've had some lovely posts here today. If you want me to take you away from it all tomorrow I can - got emergency DS cover lined up and everything. I think you should let me, but it's entirely your choice.

((((((hug)))))

Thedread - you are a true friend and I hope that should I ever need a friend, someone like you would spring into action to help.
You deserve a massive pat on the back for all you're doing, not to mention a big hug

I sincerely hope Stars makes the mover soon as it's gone on so long now it's almost all she knows.
She must realize her children must be being affected by living with such an abusive father and owes it to them to get out NOW.
.

Yes, I'm in awe of all that Dread is doing, too. You must be a lovely person, Dread. It is really heartening to read of someone showing such kindness and concern to someone in need.

Just another one, wanting to say that in no way, not for one second, have you let us down Stars. You have already coped with more than you ever thought you could, and every day you get up, face the world and try your damnedest to make life better for your children.

It seems to me that WA is becoming ever more the way to go for you, they would be able to give you so much real life help, advice and support. No one living under the circumstances you do currently, could ever hope to have a clear head and have it all worked out, it's nothing to feel ashamed about.

I too have suffered with anxiety and raging OCD and I vividly remember how it feels when it all gets too much. You came throught it though Stars, you are still here, you are still fighting and we are all stuck to you like glue, now matter what.

wonders where she might purchase some pom poms from, has twelve tons plenty of surplus cellulite to donate to anyone cellulitically challenged

Bradfordmum and Horton - thanks but .

I haven't even done anything! No more than anyone else on this thread, like flibberty, mistlethrush, clam, PMSL billsilveretc, purplesponge and all the other MNers who've been rooting for Stars for some time...

So many that I know I've missed loads, but can't face reading back through both threads for a proper rollcall. We're all in this together, aren't we?

And all behind Stars - wherever she is right now.... Stars? You OK?

stars, I haven't posted before but have followed your threads. I can categorically state no-one can calmly deal with appointments involved with ending a marriage, you had a panic attack and that is entirely understandable when you are trying to break free of a frankly appalling level of control over your life.

Keep on keeping on. It doesn't have to be today, you will get to where you need to be. You've taken the big steps even if it doesn't feel like it yet because you've stepped away from believing his behaviour is justifiable. It isn't.

Evening everyone.

Not been too bad tonight ,he moaned as soon as he got in though that the bin was not full and he should'nt be f...ing doing jobs when he gets in from work as it is the basics and my job.

Then he made his usual gin and tonic.

My niece rang today and offered with my sister to come over the weekend of the wedding and collect some things from me and they would store them for me.
I know that means holding out another 3 weeks though.

nitemare-that sounds awful,thank you for your support when you self have had a hard time.

I feel sometimes I have achieved quite a bit than other times feel like I am back to square one again.

Dreadpirate has been amazing and still cannot believe the support she and you all have given me.
I am nearly ready to go but fiding it increasingly difficult with H's "mqaking an effort " routine.
Although he came in at 6.30 so still has to go the pub after work ,maybe that's to make a point.

Am feeling very reassured with all the support on here and my niece today said she has so many clothes her daughter has grown out of ,toys,books,a fridge freezer,tv etc all waiting for me if I need them.

My sister is keen for me to find a house near her for support and the schools nearby are very good for the children and DS's appointments.

sorry,that should have said bin was nearly full.

Stars - I can collect some stuff tomorrow. I can come back on Monday. If I collect you and the kids tomorrow we can find some hefty men to get more stuff once you've got somewhere more permanent to be...

I hope you're having a peaceful evening Stars, and look forward to hearing about what biscuits DreadPirate brings... Based on some of the most recent posts, better make them jaffa cakes so that Dread can join in the pompom waving with the rest of us. I'm allergic to chocolate, but don't have any lack of cellulite, so I think I'll manage without it!!!

I have been thinking more about the WA route and the lady said that they had a place in this area but not in my sisters city at the moment.

Not trying to make excuses but feel it would be best to move to near my sister initially rather than move near here as am sure H would turn up at the school.

x posts mistlethrush-I love any type of biscuits.

Did WA say when they might have a place near your sister?

Just thinking - H may turn up at the school, but you could if you had to keep the kids off school until you had a (proper) solicitor sorted, so that he couldn't take them away... Then move closed to your sister (and me if that's not too offputting ) when there's a space available, and you've found a school?

Sorry, that was a cross post I was reading and thinking.

Stars - what's holding you back?

Some guesses:

Fear of the unknown - you don't know where you'll be living, don't have a house to go to, its all going to be so different from now. On the positive side, you won't have the fear of what your H might do or say constantly - even when he is out I get the sense that its an overpowering influence on you which is sapping all your spirit.

Fear for your children's future - school, where you'll live, what effect it will have particularly on your son. WA must help mothers deal with this on a very regular basis. Also, I remember that you mentioned two things about your ds in the first thread - one that he was 'expecting' you to tidy the dining room up in a similar vein to that your H would impose. Another time I think he came and gave you a hug or something when H had upset you (again). This is not a healthy situation to be bringing up children in - they shouldn't see your H treating you like this, they shouldn't be subjected to potential harm from a drunk.

Fear of change - but surely this must be less than the fear of H every day?

There must be so many things rushing round your head at the moment - its not surprising that you panicked this morning.

I really hope that you don't wait another three weeks - I don't want you to be treading on eggshells for that long, I will be really worried about what your H might do. DP has made the offer of helping you move the essentials - including yourself - tomorrow, please please please think about this - this weekend you could be free and safe. But I'm sure no one will blame you if you decide to stay for a little longer.

Please take care of yourself.

(Sorry, this post has taken rather a long time to write, so I may have missed something)

They did'nt mention when a space would be available ,could ring tomorrow and ask.

Was going to ring to ask about them recommending a solicitor as well.

Not too offputting at all,not sure what area you are in.

That village on the edge of the centre? With the bakery as was? Shall give you my address tomorrow anyway. We could phone tomorrow morning, and maybe make any other calls you want to make, if it would help to have a second opinion with anything?

mistlethrush-I guess it is all those things.

Mainly my sons condition and how this could set him back and how H could use that againest me.
Also the thought of living alone with the children,will I cope and how will I feel at night when it is all quiet and will I be worrying and listening for him to turn up.

dreadpirate -meant to say I suspose I am thinking if we move somewhere here then have to move again to WA in ....... then again to a private rented place that's more upheaval for the children.

By the way H said the house was a mess tonight so will try and get tidyed up before you arrive in the morning.
Don't worry it's not that bad,it's just housework has'nt been my main priority just recently.

if it gets too much stars, consider you local WA. you can find a solicitor and a place near your sister & schools from there safely, with lots of support and help.

jaffa cakes are quite low fat I believe, i would recommend those nice chocolate vienese (sp?) sandwich thingys (and I too can offer cellulite to anyone who feels the need)

Yes that would be good.

Could maybe ring the lady from the council with those questions we had set out for today.

Stars - my house is entirely at the moment. As are my biscuit-eating capabilities (PMT)

x posts-love jaffa cakes or anything covered in chocolate really.

Obviously the lady from the WA could'nt say where the place was near here but said it would be accessable to their present school.

Just remembered when I mentioned to the WA about the stares H gives me she said itwas a common thing that she had heard from a lot of women.
They don't need to say anything ,just give you that stare.