To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

I help out on a NCT sale twice a year. There are always things to donate to various charity shops at the end - I'm not sure how much of this is helpful for them as some things are rather specific... I will try to find out what the local Women's refuge would find useful and I will see if the NCT would be OK with putting things aside for them...

Re the alarms, there's a service offered in your sister's town for about £2 per week, with help available for those on limited incomes. I can't find any info for the town you're in now.

Thanks everyone.

Noonki-I am in East Anglia.

Had'nt thought about needing an alarm.

Am going to try and get some sleep as suddenly feel a bit sick and ought to catch up on my sleep.

Night everyone,thanks again for all the help and support.

Will be thinking of you in the morning Stars

try and sleep well stars xxx
My thoughts are with you tomorrow. I hope you manage to find all the right words x

I help out at an NCT sale too, they always try to donate to a local women's refuge.

good luck today stars

I am sorry yesterday turned out bad (am on your behalf at H and the solicitor)

Just don't forget you've got WA as back-up

take care

Morning stars . Hope today goes well, hope the doctor is helpful and the council give you the info you need. You're doing so well

Stars still lurking, still thinking about you.

Sorry Sorry Sorry everyone.

Have let everyone down today.

After last night I could'nt sleep and felt really sick .
This morning had a really bad panic attack and just managed to get the children to school.

Came back home and could'nt stop crying.

So ultimatly I could'nt go to the appoitments.
I know I have let everyone down and feel really bad about it but my stoamch is in knots,feel sick all the time and really tired.
Just feel like running away somewhere on my own ,it's all getting too much.

Everything is jumbled in my head.
After yesterdays less than positive soilicitors meeting and H coming home reacting as he did I have let it and him get to me,which I know I should'nt have.

Sorry again to everyone as you all had so much faith in me.

Am thinking this is why H gets frustrated with me when I panic and can't do things I should be able to do that others find easy.

Stars - you haven't let anyone down. None of us would feel that way.

You've had a perfectly natural, understandble reaction to the continued abuse from your H. Please, please be easy on yourself. If you were reading this as someone else, what would you say to yourself.

You've coped with so much I'm not surprised you've had a small meltdown. You live with so much stress - it's going to get to you from time to time.

But think how far you've come over the last few weeks - you're doing brilliantly. Really.

Just take some time out, do something nice for yourself - cup of tea, loud music, dance around?

I'm here if you need to talk.

xx

Stars - don't be silly - you had a crap day yesterday.

When you get out of the situation you are currently in, I'm sure that your panic attacks etc will ease.

Have you actually missed your Dr's appointment? I know that you've not missed the Council one yet. But even if you do, it doesn't matter. You can simply turn up at WA with the children, then, when you're out of the poisonous atmosphere that you've been in for so long, you can take your time and make the appointments again.

Would it help if you took someone with you - even if it was only to wait with you in the Waiting Room?

I know that you can do this. Stay strong for both yourself and your dcs.

(((((((Stars)))))))))) (I don't care its not the 'done' mn thing - you clearly need them)

Don't worry. You can re-schedule for another time when you're feeling calmer.

You've let no one down! We're all on your side, remember.

In a while, why don't you phone the doctor and explain your predicament? Our surgery does telephone appointments. If anything, it'll re-inforce your case - that life is so stressful living with H that this is what happens.

Now put the kettle on!

Here you are!

You know what Stars, I'm really looking forward to the time when you've left H and had lots of time to recover, and don't have to associate alcohol with drunken abuse, so I can give you a really large glass of (virtual) wine to relax with

Sweetheart, you have no need to apologise. Look at what theDreadPirate wrote - she's said exactly what I'm thinking. Don't look at this as a step backwards - just look at how far you have come!!

We are out here thinking about you, worrying about you, caring for you, loving you - but definitely NOT condemning you. We will be here for as long as you need us, and will rejoice with you when you leave - whether that's tomorrow, a month hence or a year hence. We hope it will be sooner rather than later for your sake, but we're here for your needs and your timetable.

So chin up, enjoy the chocolate biscuits, listen to some music and then see where you go from there.

{{{hugs}}}

Thanks everyone.

Have calmed down a bit but my heart is just pounding so fast and am feeling really anxious.

Tea and choc biscuits sounds good.

I do occasionally like a glass of red wine but always feel guilty drinking any alcohol as associate it with him.

You haven't let anyone down at all. This is just a minor set back caused by a shitty day yesterday and your H's stupid behaviour.

Regarding this - "Am thinking this is why H gets frustrated with me when I panic and can't do things I should be able to do that others find easy."

No, no, no! Your H is NOT right, don't speak to yourself in his voice for him when he's not there to do it! There is no 'should do' anything, you are coping the best you, or anyone could with a very difficult situation brought about by him. How dare he 'get frustrated' with you when he has caused your panick in the first place fgs. Others may find certain things easy but they don't live with your H. I bet you a lot of others find these things just as hard as you if not harder. They may look like they're coping but everyone deals with stress in a different way.

One eg is me, I felt stressed because my ds had feeding problems, this manifested itself in my anxiety levels rising. Because of this my fear of wasps got totally out of conrtol until I would hardly leave the house unless my dh was with me. I am a lot better now, was always afraid of them anyway but no to that extent.

Anyway, my point is, that was just caused by a small, common problem in my life but you have much bigger stresses to deal with so it's not surprising it affects you in this way from time to time. You'll get there, one step at a time. None of us are judging you, you are doing brilliantly.

Oh Stars, I really feel for you, panic is nasty and cruel isn't it - just when you need your strength it bloody pops up and knocks you flat! No way have you let anyone down, it's really not surprising you couldn't go, I know exactly how that feels. Remember what I posted before about saying positive things to yourself - well now more than ever that's what you need to do. You couldn't go - YET. You will, I'm sure.

Please, email me if you feel you can, or if you say it's OK I'll send you my mobile number, I've just been to the GP for a medication review because I've been having panic attacks for years, I've finally got some control over the last six months so if there's ANYTHING I can do to help I will.

Give yourself a huge hug, you've done so much over the past few weeks, just remember that - don't worry about this it's just a small step backwards, think how many steps forwards you've taken!

{{{hugs}}}

Stars - won't it be nice to have the occasional glass without feeling guilty? - something else to look forward too!!!

Can you go outside with a cup of tea and sit in the sun. Sod the house etc - just go and sit in the sun - hopefully listen to the birds - and think about a really lovely place. Perhaps a summer holiday with your children? Day trip to the beach with them?

With no one looking over your shoulder all the time you'll sleep better, you'll feel less stressed and therefore you will be able to cope. We can see how strong you are...

Stars - I remember someone posting previously about how you can use the symptoms of a panic attack to help yourself. She suggested that the racing heart, breathlessness etc be treated as a 'fight' response - your adrenaline is up, and you're ready to fight for yourself. It seemed to make sense at the time. Maybe some really fast music on loud, and race around the house putting things in an escape bag?

It is a very understandable reaction you are having. Living on eggshells all day long everyday leads to your body and nerves being on constant alert, so in the end you feel anxious abotu EVERY single thing and look for the danger in EVERY situation, so you are scared to even leave the house.
This is a very common reaction to someone who has been living under stressful conditions. This is what my shrink told me- I have been told I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from having lived with an abusive partner for years, being frightened every time he came home, wanting to leave but being too scared to leave- a onstant state of high anxiety and high alert.
I am now a nervous wreck from all those years of living on eggshells and have a lot of anxiety attacks. This is what living on eggshells does to you. It also makes it very hard to think straight. I still get confused and can't plan my way out of a paper bag!
I identify with what you're saying about your head spinning and being unable to leave the house, unable to clear your head to think properly. These are recognised symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress. Not to sound too daft, but it's a little like you've been living in a war zone- you are constantly on the alert, never relaxed, and that damages your nervous system so you can't think straight and feel frightened even of the simplest tasks.
He has done this to you. It is twisted of him to badger you about your anxiety when it s him that's caused it.
You HAVE to get out of that situation. He is making it harder and harder for you to leave by srewing your head up.
I really think you need someone to hold your hand while you do this(in RL, not just online) - think of yourself as a little old lady that needs help crossing the street- no offence meant at all, but that is essentially what he has reduced you to (mentally at least) There is no shame in that, but you have to get out.
Let someone like Dreads come and take you away (I would but I'm miles away). YOu do need guiding- you are really going to struggle to get organised and get to appointments. Sod appointments, just get out to a refuge and then sort out housing, schools etc.
He cannot take the children from you; don't worry about the doctors, see them when you're out of there.
I'm less worried about him thumping you than the effect on your mental health living with his mind games is doing to you and what toll it will have on you in the future.
Please accept help. People want to help you and you need help.

Might have been me, sounds like something I'd say! DPR is right, use the force! although I'm guessing right now you might just feel worn out by it.

Nitemare - what a great post - well done for getting out. What made you or facilitated you getting out in the end?