To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

How about - Council tomorrow:

'I'm shortly going to have to leave my H and my home due to domestic violence - H doesn't know yet - the only thing holding me back from leaving today is not knowing where my children and I can live. Can you help me - would I get housed as an emgergency - and what/where would this likely to be? how can I get an assured tennancy in my own house and how long will this take.'

'If it is not possible for me to have a housing association house immediately, what other options are available? Is there any help with deposits? Have you got a list of landlords who you work with in these instances?'

'Are there any other services that the Council can help with eg obtaining basic furniture and furnishings - I will be leaving with just a few clothes and a few toys for the children.'

'How long is it likely to take to get my children into an appropriate school - particularly in relation to my son and his special needs....'

'I am concerned about the possibility of my husband finding out where I live and arriving, drunk, putting both myself and our children in danger - is there anything that the Council can help me with to assist with this problem?'

Solicitor was clearly completely hopeless and money grabbing - they are not all like this. What utter tosh about you not being able to get legal aid - you will have very little money, no income apart from benefits and no house - what did she expect you to be on to get it???? WA I think is the best option for solicitors - they will be able to advise on who they regularly use - DreadPirates list a good backup though.

dreadpirate-have bought laptop upstairs now so is ok to e mail me,thanks.

Yes he had been to the pub as usual and from the look of his eyes had had more than 1 pint.
That is always a giveaway to me so I can gage how much drink he has had.(sad but true)

Will have a look tomorrow for solicitors on google once he is back at work.

thanks for the council questions.
My mind is a bit all over the place tonight.

Am worrying about the doctors in the morning,which incidently H has'nt mentioned.
I am not going to remind him,may be best not to tell him at all.

Talk about ironic.
He was complaining earlier that I had bought the children a punnet of strawberries each today.
He said he did'nt realise we had money to throw away.
THis is the ironic part-he said this whilst pouring himself his Bombay gin and adding shop bought ice cubes!!
He was sulking because he said to DS there was a time when mummy would have bought me some strawberries as well,not anymore though.
How pathetic I thought and not the sort of thing he should be complaining to DS about.

Please just leave before it gets worse, don't wait till it does.

x posts ,mistlethrush-thank you ,some great suggestions there.

I should be more orgainised myself,planned to sit down tonight and do list for doctors and council.

Although after H's outburst I am feeling a bit down again and had to go in the garage pretending to look for something and have a good cry.
I did not want the children to see me like that and especially not H and give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

He's like a stroppy child isn't he! But a more dangerous one.

You wouldn't be human if you weren't upset by him Stars - luckily, you've got people like mistlethrush to help you get your head together

And for the doctors - maybe just start with the opening statement mistlethrush said, and see where it goes?

One thing about the council, I would not mention the bit about how can you get an assured tenancy in your own home. If you mean the home you are currently in that is. If you mention anything about having a home you won't get priority with the council.
Just stick to saying that you are leaving a rented property. Don't even mention that you rent it from fil.
Anything that might suggest you have an 'interest' in a property will keep you way down their lists for housing.

((((((Stars)))))) I wish I was a bit closer so that I could come and give you a bit of RL support - Hurrah for DreadPirates - I am so glad that she is near and so can. We're relying on your DPs!

Your H is an utter (please substitute what ever word there you feel like - could even have fewer letters (4?). Fancy complaining to his son about the strawberries - he is drinking his - several times over. And his comment about buying the children some strawberries when he is frittering his money away in the pub every night is simply unacceptable.

Given some of the things that he has been coming out with recently, I do worry about you.

Put the solicitor behind you - clearly a 'plant' arranged by your H to deter you from leaving.

Good luck for your two appointments tomorrow.

(My post was crossed with DPs - sounds as if we're starting a mutual appreciation society. Sorry!!! )

Good grief - your H is a grade A noboid.

Clearly shelling out on gin is something he is entitled to and doesn't have to justify because he "works".

Whereas you - what - sit on a sofa and eat bonbons (or strawberries...) all day while being waited on by a bevy of willing Chippendales? (Obviously while simultaneously being terribly "horrible" to Twathead...)

Sorry the solicitor was such a load of cack today. It's so depressing to think people like her are out there discouraging women who need affirmation, support and a decent service. I'm just glad that you spoke to her after having posted on here and having spoken to WA. The last thing someone in an abusive situation like you needs is to hear "advice" like that

Makes me really appreciate how great it is that Womens Aid (and Mumsnet ) exist. It sounds like going the WA route to getting out will help you get proper advice and support rather than having to deal with money-grabbing and - actually - stupid people like the solicitor you saw today!!

As ever you sound fab and strong!! Keep going, we're all behind you!

Your H really is unbelievable

I'm not sure why this is only just occuring to me, but there should be some information about council housing/deposit schemes/local housing allowance and landlords on your local council website.

Would offer to gather info for you but don't know where you are!

You should get some advice from them tomorrow about your individual situation, but if anything is mentioned and you don't get enough info/can't remember something it should be up there on the internet if needed.

Try not to worry about what to say at your GP appointment. A simple intro will lead to the GP asking you questions so that they can get the information that they need. They may give you a questionnaire to complete, and may offer treatments (counselling/drugs). Take your time, be honest, and don't play down how this is all really making you feel. The GP is there to help.

I'm very sorry to hear that your solicitor was such an asshole. I just can't see how such ignorance can be good practise?! Don't let it set you back, I'm sure WA can put you in touch with someone who actually knows what they're talking about.

Good luck for tomorrow

Stars - I'm getting a bit concerned by his propelling you by your shoulders in the kitchen a couple of pages ago. First the coke can and now this. I think he's taking steps towards being violent. Please take care of yourself.

You OK stars?

Sorry, yes am ok.

H has now gone to bed so can relax.

Will make a note of all those fab questions for the council tomorrow.
I will do a search for the local council website although if I intend to move areas then would need to check the relevant one.
I am hoping the council lady tomorrow I am booked to see can advise me on moving to another area as she deals with where I am living at the moment.

Just a thought, I think it was mentioned way back on the first thread - could everyone reading this maybe contact our local refuges and give some spare clothes or toys next time they get cleared out? So sad for those poor children who played cards for months because they had nothing else. None of these situations are their fault.

It feels like a small way to help women in Stars' position, even if we can't all help her directly ourselves. Does anyone know if refuges accept donations?

And Stars, you're doing so well, just keep going, we're all rooting for you!

Stars - have just mailed you a link to the website for your sister's town -they say they have a sanctuary scheme, but you have to phone a housing contact number to get information.

If you need to delete any of the mails I've sent you I can easily resend, so just let me know?

What other research can I do for you?

Kettlechip - they certainly used to accept donations - my mother volunteered at our local one when I was a kid and they had way more toys than we did! Have actually today emailed to ask, as I'm having a declutter of DS's stuff - will let you know what they say.

Good luck tomorrow Stars.

Bless you stars...

I posted something on here a few days ago about a monitor thing. (my friends husband was never actually violent towards her) She managed to get something fitted in her house in case he ever turned up. He was a big drinker and used to mess with her head loads.

I jst wondered if anyone else has any experience with this thing??? I know my friend was in a refuge for a few months maybe asking about this might put your mind at rest about him coming round when drunk?...

xxxx

Sorry if that was a bit of a mess I sometimes get confused when I write things down iykwim??

Great idea kettlechip.

Have replied dreadpirate,thanks.

Can't think of any other research at the moment,I have my own private researcher.{grin}

Thanks mistlethrush.

They do take donations of any stuff they can give to the mum's moving to new homes, clothes and toys for children / mothers.

They sent me a lovely thank you letter for donating our old hoover and television

x posts cazzaben-thanks,could certainly ask about it.

stars - the council tomorrow will probably quite a long time be warned.

If you present as homeless I would be very surprised if the council did not find that they had a duty to rehouse you.

I tried looking as to where you are in the country but didnt manage to suss it out.

Where I am (manchester) if you want to move out you would be offered temporary accommodation (intially a hostel and then possibly a temporary council house) you would then be given a permemanant offer of accommodation anywhere in the city.

When you get a new tenancy you can apply for a community care grant (between £100 - £1000 ) towards helping you get stuff. There are lots of furniture places that help out (St VIncents are nationwide) with secondhand stuff.

Get the number of the local education authority for help with schools.

Make sure you tell the council all of the detail and let them know that your husband is abusive towards you. Be as honest as you can.

Please let us kmow how it goes tomorrow.

Make sure you take a pen and paper to take notes..it can be a bit mindblowing

good luck xxx