To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Legal Aid is based on income, not some jumped up solicitor's criteria.

Stars, we live quite near a women's refuge and so there are quite a lot of women living in the town who have come via the refuge. Every one of them (that I know, and I know two or three) left with the clothes they stood up in and what they could fit in a carryable bag. That does for the children too.

One said that she and her two kids spent the first 3m in the shelter playing cards as they had no other games and no toys at all.

You don't really need to do all this stuff. It is not like moving house, or changing your job, where you have to organise things first.

We are talking about your safety and wellbeing and that of your children. We are talking about the influence your shit of a husband is having on your lives. All else is unimportant.

I knew a girl once, who said - you have stuff and you have tat. Stuff is the stuff you couldn't live without and everything else it tat. Tat can be left behind.

Hi everyone,sorry not been on before had a lot to sort out and think about.
The solicitors was a bit down heartning.

dreadpirate-thanks for the update on the solicitors,that is basically what she said.
She said even once I have left and they looked at my income then I probably still would'nt get legal aid as there was no voilence.
Because it was a half hour free session she took her watch off and said she would be timing it and if we went over ot would be £190 per hour after that.
She was very blunt and kept saying I was wasting time as she could 'nt answer that etc etc.

Dreadpirate kindly orgainised a copy of the land registery for me and that was very interesting reading if a little confusing.
No mention of the property being in trust for DS at all.

My DS does have a statement of 20 hours a week and hopefully would kewep that if he had to move schools.

flibberty-thanks for all the paperwork info.
Shopping list sounds good on the door.

Anyone with ideas for council questions for tomorrow would be greatly recieved.

Spoke to someone different at WA and she said abuse is abuse it is not about whether you have been hit or not.
She said this solicitor obviously had no idea about domestic voilence.
She told me to call back tomorrow and ask for someone who is up on the legal side and could give me some phone numbers of solicitors in my area with this knowledge.

Good - glad you got some sense out of someone

Re council questions - I'm hoping someone else here can make a start?

Re tomorrow - will you have time to phone WA? You said you were seeing doctor then council - if you like I can maybe make a call for you if you think you've got too much on?

And are you happy with how you're going to approach the doctor this time? Anything we can do?

Off to start supper etc, but back on later,

xx

What WA told you sounds much more positive. Just treat it like you're shopping around, if one solicitor is total pants don't worry, just ask someone else. It may seem like a waste of time but seeing as she gave you shitty advice at least it can only get better!

I have to log off now to go and pick up kids and do tea etc, but just wanted to say

WHAT AN IDIOT GRASPING, NARROW MINDED, COMPASSIONLESS SOLICITOR

and she is absolutely a typical example of why I won't work for them anymore.

When I had my bullying case the solicitor I went to see went to 45 mins without charging me. What a bitch. You need support and a box of tissues, not worry about some whopping legal bill when she knows you are sahm possibly about to be homeless.

Fancy saying that you are wasting time. You need to get it all out and if she is not trained or experienced enough to ask the correct questions to get the info she needs in the half hour available then she is rubbish.

What a horrid woman. Let's hope she's never in a similar position to yours.

Stay strong. Thinking of you.

dreadpirate-my doctors appointment is at 9.40am and the council is at 11am.

So should be home for 12.30pm

If you do get time to try the WA I would really appreciate it,that would be one less thing to worry about,thanks.

I was totally gobsmacked really.
I did'nt expect her to be so rude.
She made me feel like a naughty school girl.
I did also mention thet fact that I had threads on here from a few years back when she suggested writing the abuse down to see if it merited legal aid.
When I told her about the reponse I have had from people on here in regards to support etc she just looked at me in amazement as if to say really.

Don't let this silly woman put you off or set you back Stars. She obviously has no experience and doesn't have the first idea of what you have been and still are going through.

Mind you, it must have been really difficult for her to concentrate on you while her eye was on the clock. How rude!

I just want to add to what other people have said, you are doing amazingly well and really are progressing nicely. None of this can be easy for you.

I would also like to say that you are more than likely providing a lot of hope and inspiration for many women who are perhaps lurking whilst going through very similar things to you. I'm not going through this myself but I have to say I have learned a heck of a lot about abuse and Women's Aid whilst lurking on your threads. I have been in your position with a violent and abusive exH and I felt very much the same as you, I didn't really believe my situation was bad enough. I can tell you now though, especially after taking a look at the virtual tour of a refuge that was very kindly linked by a poster, I would have no hesitation in going to a refuge if I were to be in an abusive relationship with again. How wonderful it would have been to have that kind of support back then. Not to mention all the support from MN.

You stay strong xx

Stars - do you want to mail me the details of the woman you've been speaking to, so I can reference that when I phone tomorrow? Just so they know I'm not some nosey busybody

I just noticed this 2nd thread is up to 600-odd posts!

Now then shall we tell you that you aren't allowed to go to a third, you need to be gone by 999

I was making the tea before and thinking how absolutely crap it is for women like you, that there are divorce solicitors out there with no idea of levels and extent of abuse in relationships. All they care about is whether there is a case for them to make money out of.

If you were trying to tell her about threads on here and speaking about the whole sorry relationship it sounds like you just need someone to talk to, to get it off your chest and remove the weight from your shoulders. She just wasn't listening and didn't give a shit.

Many solicitors do work for free for deserving causes, you may find that womens aid have an arrangement with someone who does that. If you get a solicitor through womens aid she will be very experienced in what you have endured and what you need to do.

If the doctor offers counselling then grab it with both hands.

Sorry dreadpirate-that would help would'nt it.

Am sat here my heart is beating fast and am fighting back the tears.
The children are playing outside and H has just come in .
The front door was open and apperently he could'nt get in and was banging on the front door.
So he came round the back to the kitchen door where I was hammering on the back door shouting to let him in.
I let him in and he just started shouting

"did'nt you hear me knocking?"
"Making me look like a f..king idiot"
"what you were doing in here that was so important?"

I asked if he would like any dinner seeing as he usually complains what I cook for him
and he just started saying

"WEll yes,I have been at work all day"
"a concept you don't understand anymore seeing as you have'nt worked for 7 yrs"
"simple really is'nt it?"

He is currently banging around the bag of cubed ice for his gin and tonic he is making.

He is just come and kissed me on the cheek and said
"I still love you even though you are horrible to me"

Oh Stars he is vile

[s hock][sho ck][shock ]

Toss er.

oh stars, get out of there, please. he is a nasty piece of work and you really don't have to put up with it.

no one should make your heart race like that.

Stars , he is an uberwank!What is it with all the projection on to you? he's the horrible one! everyone here knows it.The sooner you get settled away from all his mind games the better.

HE is just eating his dinner.

He came and sat oppisite me with his drink on the other sofa when I had just finished posting and asked me what I was doing.
I told him I was'nt looking at anything in particular.
So he said no,exactly what are you doing,it's not difficult is it.

I am getting paranoid,as he put his feet up and just sat there with a smile on his face staring at me.

More mind games. I'm hoping you'll be back on later to tell us he drank himself to sleep and you're safe for another night...

You could go tomorrow. Friday dreadpirate can just take you and the kids away.

Maybe best to just post when he's at work or when he's started snoring.

Ooh - yes please!

YOU are horrible to HIM??????

That's one f**d up world he lives in Stars, he really is twisted. If that is 'love' then what would he do to someone he hated? Noting the time of your post I take it he's come home via the pub, as per usual?

The way that solicitor treated you was disgusting, thank goodness you've got such an amazing support network on here giving you advice and cheering you on.

I hope you get a much more positive response from you GP and the council tomorrow, and that WA have more advice to offer you.
You are coming on in leaps and bounds Stars, your confidence seems to rise by the day. If you are already finding this level of inner strength, just think what a woman you'll be once you are free from this situation!

stars or dreadpirates ... maybe google solicitors. area you're in. domestic violence.

If I do that for manchester it comes up with Otten and penna (a firm we recommend people go to). If not homeless families team in your area should be able to point you in the right direction.
That solicitor sounded a right pratt

While we're all here, shall we put together a list of questions for Stars to pick and choose from when she goes to the council tomorrow?

Here's mine:

o What financial assistance would be available to setup a household away from H, given no savings, and can assume no financial support for Stars or children for a long time, if ever?

o How long to get into an assured tenancy, preferably with council or Housing Association?

o Can council provide panic buttons in the home, or does that have to be via police?

o Would it bump Stars up the housing list if she were applying from the WA refuge?

o Does the council have a DV policy in place to help women starting over with the basics?

I may have phrased those all wrong... Come on guys, do better than me

Stars - have googled as suggested (well done that Noonki) - will mail you the link that came up when you tell us you're not being overlooked