To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

PS I hope that you don't live on a cul-de-sac otherwise we might cause a traffic jam all coming to help you move out!!!!

Hi Stars - glad you've had a productive morning, and a good talk with WA. Good news about refuge too - good to know it's there for you.

I'm guessing you've got a lot to think about and process for now, so maybe talk/mail/post later?

BTW on Friday I can bring a couple of Ikea bags with me if you want to put any toys/clothes to one side?

Fantastic supportive chat you had with the WA woman there! And great news that they have a space in your area available now. I do hope that makes you feel better that you have somewhere all ready for you to run to when you're ready.

Hi Stars, sounds like you've had a very positive and productive day so far.

The lady from the WA sounds wonderful, and it's excellent to hear that there's a space for you and your children if required. The things that she's said make a lot of sense, and I hope it's put your mind at rest a little.

Now that you have your list of questions for the solicitor have you also posted a thread over in legal for any family law savvy MNers?

Oh stars, it really is true that there is another way to live than this one, and that you can live it - it's not exclusive to the rest of us, but is just waiting for you to take it.

He's such a prick.

Shame about your experience with the clinical psych. Most of them are nice people, very understanding and really, really want to help. Hope that one's gone on to a career they're better suited to (sewage worker perhaps?).

your WA lady sounds lovely. It must be nice to know there is a place if you need back-up before you make your plans.
Hope it has helped you.

Moving in the right direction eh Stars

I've been reading and not posting because I don't have any experience to offer and am too far away to offer practical help (though I'd be happy to offer any kitchen or house stuff that you might need, should we have anything spare that might be useful to you when you get to that point). I just wanted to say that I think you have done brilliantly to get so far and it is lovely to hear you sounding more and more confident. Best of luck for the next stage in your life.

And your WA lady sounds like a gem. I do hope you can let her help you.

Stars thats good news about WA - have you thought more about going down that route?

I think it will be best TBH for the moment.
When do you see the council? xx

Stars, such good news that they've got room for you at the moment. I hope you get to the point where you feel like you can go there before someone else takes the space. That lady sounds brilliant; what a good thing to have her on side to talk to.

I know you're worried about DH's reaction if you go the WA route rather than private renting. But surely you wouldn't have to tell him you'd gone to WA, at least initially - just don't tell him where you've gone at all, and get someone else to supervise visits initially - then when he's got over the initial shock you can decide where you want to live and what you want to tell him about your arrangements?

Hi there I am sooo pleased that you feel positive after the chat with wa.

I was reading your post about what she said and thought 'is that woman me???' sounds like she's been there too. What she was saying was absolutely right.

I think you don't need to tell dh (dick head ) that you have gone to a refuge. he need never know. You simply tell him that you have gone away for a couple of weeks to sort yourself out and that you will be in touch.

I honestly think that not knowing where you are, when you will be back etc etc will be such a shock to him and thats what he needs.

I am thinking maybe I could see how I could train to do counselling for victims of domestic abuse. Trouble is I'd have to let dp in on this thing that I talk about on mumsnet (though NEVER before in the depth I have here) and I just don't want my lovely man to know I was ever in that place.

Why don't you set a new target for the half term week? Thats far enough away for you not to panic about every thing you've got to do, but close enough that you could have this summer as free as a butterfly.

Just bumping to see if Stars is around...

Hi,thanks again everyone for your continued support.

Have been preparing my questions for tomorrow and to be honest have used the ones suggested to me as they were better than anything I could come up with,thanks.

I do actually live in a cul de sac.

Council appintment is thursday.

Flibberty -you should definetly look into training for doing counselling work you would be great at it.
You have given me such great advice and seem to have a natural flare for it.

Believe it or not before I met H I trained as a samaritan and worked for them for a while.
I would like to think I could get back into something like that myself in the future.

dreadpirate-still looking forward to friday.

On a less positive note H was complaining again tonight about dinner and declined to eat it if that was all that was on offer.

The children were playing up a bit tonight and H just laid on the sofa whilst I dealt with it.
They then went to bed and I read DD her story but when I came out of her room DS said daddy did'nt read him one ,H had said I would do it.

Came downstairs and H was criticizing how I dealt with the children earlier.
I just stood there and said nothing and he shouted
"HELLO"
Then he put his hands on my shoulders and started to push me out of the kitchen and I calmy told him to take his hands off me and not push me.
He just told me to shut up and walked off.

POsted this seperatly so as not to tarnish my previous positive post.

Meant to say will put a post in the legal section to see if anyone has any advice before tomorrows appointment.

Don't forget details such as your computer's history and any automatic passwords. Delete them.

So glad he walked off Stars - I do worry when he's being nasty and not getting the response he's after.

And so glad you're feeling positive about tomorrow. Shall look for your thread and make sure it's bumped

I do delete all sites I visit and make sure my passwords are not saved.
Although tonight I mentioned something to H about the laptop over heating whilst on i player and he said he would take it in to be looked at.
I persuaded him it was not a problem.

Have just started a thread in legal,hope I have worded it correctly.

Have seen and bumped. Are you sure you want to stay in the house though?

Long term I definetly would'nt want to stay here but just wondered what my rights might be or if it was a no go .
It may give me some time to get more orgainised with planning school moves etc although know really it would be a bad idea.

If there's a shelter within taxi distance of DS school, that might be better short term? Because - as I understand it - it's in the short term that H is most likely to be dangerous, both to you and the kids.

But knowledge is power, so I hope someone comes on with an answer soon.

If you go the wa route won't you get help with finding school places?
I might be wrong but from the info on school places I got last year I would think your children would get school places quickly if you are being sorted out by professionals.

The laptop is probably overheating through all this activity and my fingers practically smoking with these long posts!

Short term stars please don't try to get him to leave so you can stay in that house.

I can hear him now drunk on the doorstep truamatising you, the children crying, the neighbours rolling their eyes and thinking 'oh god its that tosser again'.

Do you want any of that? No, you need a FRESH START with professional support all round you.

I am going to be really STRICT (!!) with you now and ask, can you tell us what the things are that you feel you have to do before you can leave?

Perhaps we can offer support and info to help?

Trouble with me doing any counselling - I'd be up for gbh myself. The only thing thats stopped me from coming round and ripping your dhead's head off is the distance.

I am on the board of our local surestart centre and one of the other members is the community midwife, her husband is a vicar and she collects stuff for a womens refuge near here. I might ask her how I go about supporting these women.

I see that the WA locally would be a good move but when she said there is a place now I panicked.
I suspose I am thinking it is still away from my sister niece etc.

Thanks dittany

Flibberty-I know deep down staying here would be a bad idea and am sure I would'nt be able to sleep living here knowing he could turn up any minute.
Am sure they would help with schools.
Have just remembered the WA lady said today I could ring round schools in the area I was thinking of settling in to ask about SN units for DS.
She said I would'nt need to tell them my location ,just say I was moving down here,and it would be confidential anyway.

Things I feel I should do.

Any personal items and things that have memories attached to them gathered together.

Selection of clothes

Books and favourite toys

paperwork-of whch I have lots to sort through,debts and also DS's reports from various agencys etc.

Informing the school will be a difficult one

Talking to my family beforehand

Most importantantly what to tell the children

Surestart sounds good flibberty.