To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Morning Stars! Just checking in to hope you're OK. I'm afraid I won't be around much this weekend - RL getting in the way (turning 40 ). Will try to check in every once in a while, and will check my email too. You have my mobile no if you want or need to talk - and I'd always love to hear from you .

Do you know, this is one of the last weekends you ever have to spend on eggshells... I can feel that the end is in sight from the strength of your posts

xxx

Hello Stars, last night I stayed up into the wee hours reading all of both threads, once I realised that you were the same woman I'd read about over the past year I had to know if you were ok now. Can I just say how amazing it was to see you get stronger and stronger. You sound like a different person now (more like the real you I'm guessing).

You come across as a kind, intelligent
strong woman who has overcome agrophobia and anxiety to be her ds's advocate, who has kept herself together through years of abuse and who has had the strength to ask for help and listen patiently to all the support and advice given. You are always so thoughftul in your responses and show consideration to everyone. You also sound like a great mum.

I can see that you are ready to go now. Can I just add myself to all your supporters, another person on your side.

Hope you are feeling well Stars. It sounds like you are getting stronger by the day.

Please don't waste your energies on feeling guilty for your H. He's honestly not worth it. If ever there was anyone to feel guilty, it's him.

You're doing brilliantly - keep getting organised.

YOU CAN DO IT

Hope you're OK today Stars with it being the weekend and all. You are doing fabulously well! (Been mostly lurking from the beginning)

I had a thought that I still have a big pile of dd's summer clothes from last year - mostly aged 3-4. Not sure how old your dd is but you'd be welcome to them if it helps.

Sorry Stars, the shorter question was really a kind of psychological thing. Someone standing in judgement over you like your dh can appear to be very big. As you get to grips with your fear of them, they can then seem to be smaller. I have noticed it with a couple of the bosses I have had - they both seemed pretty tall and broad when I was in the middle of being bullied by them, but once I started fighting back either I grew or they shrank! Meeting one of them several years later, he seemed almost tiny!

Just wondering how you're getting on tonight stars?

Hope you're well

Nothing at all from you Stars today. Hope you are OK?

Hi stars I was talking to a friend of mine who left her BH 3 years ago in June... The same troubles you've had although he used to cut himself in front of their children (now 7 and 4 years). She went into a Womans refuge and when she moved in next door to me (her first house since leaving her BH) she had a special alarm thing fitted that the police monitored all the time. She had a sort of button that she pushed if anything happened with her BH... Hopefully this might put your mind at rest about him coming over.

Hs anyone else had any experience with this??? I'm talking from information I received from my friend so not sure how it works...

Also hope your ok stars xxx worried that you haven't posted today xxxxxx

Have emailed, will let you all know if I hear back

Still lurking, stars. You are doing so well.

Sending good wishes to you

Sorry everyone for not posting yesterday.
Had a busy day and got a really bad headache so went to bed really early.

I think maybe he is doing what he excuses me of all the time which is playing mind games.
He says things in a smug way like he is somehow superior and that gets me annoyed then he excuses me of shouting and needing to get a grip.

I dread to think how mch he spends on drinking,taxis etc.
It does'nt seem to bother him but will make a fuss when the children leave some food and he says they are wasting his money he goes to work to earn.

thanks evryone for keeping me sane.
Felt really down yesterday and at one point thought this could go ethier way.
There is no inbetween it's ethier sink or swim.

dreadpirate-have e mailed you.

This morning the children were up at 6.45 and were arguing so went to sort them out.
It woke H up or rather he said I woke him up telling them off.
He gets up at 6am everyday for work so weekends he says I have to deal with the children.

He walked in on me in the bathroom and shouted

"Why don't you lock the bloody door and don't stand there looking at me as if I am stupid"

SHOPPING ALERT AGAIN

He came down to the kitchen to make a coffee and asked if there was anymore sugar.
When I said no we had the usual

"Why can't you get it together to get the basics"
"Sugar,coffee,teabags,not difficult is it"

Then the usual

"You are unbelievable"

Seems to be a theme with him as soon as he gets up before he has his first coffee.

You're not "unbelievable", he is. But he just can't see it can he.

Don't put up with this for much longer Stars.

stars, like many I have been watching this. I can sympathise with you. I really hope you find the strength to go and soon.

Just do it.
Every day you stay is just postponing your new free and happy life.
Life is too short and you owe it to yourself the DC to enjoy living and be as happy as you can be.

Keep strong and set a day.

stars.......all this is so damaging for your DC. Please re think the speed of your plans, for their sakes as well as your own. Next week I believe you are seeing sol etc? Good. But please think about how your DC will remember their childhoods........makes me shudder when my son remembers how abusive his dad was to me. He was 5 then, 11 now. But he has a clear memory. My daughters more so.

Stars, so sorry to hear you've had another bad day . But horrible as it is to go through this, every time he kicks off and says something cruel and spiteful he is proving to you that your decision to end this relationship is the right one.

It took me about 5 months from my initial "light-bulb" moment (when I realised I had to leave the relationship) to actually move out. You will take this step when you're ready. But it IS just a matter of time now.

About a year after I left my ex, I woke up one beautiful sunny morning in my rented flat decorated with pretty knick-knacks that I'd bought from charity-shops, and realised something was missing. Something about my life felt very different. It took me a while to realise that what was missing was fear. And constant anxiety. And shame. All these feelings had been replaced with another one that I had to analyse to recognise.

I was HAPPY! And I remembered that it's normal to feel this way. I felt like a normal human being again. It was as if a swtich had been thrown overnight.

Many brave and strong women have posted similar stories here. You are not alone. We all are living proof that leaving is the best decision for you and your children.

HTH X

stars the way he talks to you is like a spiteful child! My brother used to talk to me like this when I was 8 and he was 10.

It is truly pathetic.

I think he senses you have emotionally withdrawn from him and he is losing his grip. You are doing so well, please take all these other wise women's advice

x

He is stamping on you because it makes him feel bigger. He's a pathetic little man, who is threatened by your strength and will do whatever he can to stop you realising who you are and what a great person you are.

Please don't wait much longer for freedom. We are all rooting for you.

Hi everyone.

Things not too bad am looking forward to getting back to some normality next week as far is school is concerned and getting to these appointments.
I can also get on sorting through more clothes,photos etc for my niece to take.

Am really struggling to keep it all together at the moment and don't know how to behave for the best and keep strong and orgainised and trying to keep him from getting suspicious.

He threw the bacon around earlier and was moaning because there was no eggs to go with it.
Spiteful child does spring to mind.

I hope my light bulb moment comes soon.

He threw the bacon round? Nice!! Hope he cleaned up afterwards!

I have just tidyed the kitchen.
He did make something for the children as well although he has to make a big thing about it.

So this is him making an effort, is it?

He clearly seems to think he's being hard done by in life, simply because he has to go out to work and spend a bit of time with his family at weekends.

Pratt.

Here's an extract from a typical Sunday living with a normal (although by no means perfect) DH:
"Who'd like a bacon sandwich?"
"What would everyone like for lunch?"
"Kids, can you help Mum clear away?"
"Anyone fancy a bike ride?"
"I'm going to watch the footie in a minute, but I'll do some ironing while I'm at it."
"You wouldn't mind making me a cup of tea, would you?"

Stars, please don't settle for what you have from this grumpy old sod. No one should have to live with being told off all the time. Life could be so much nicer for you...

Oh, and "We've run out of tea bags. I'll nip up and get some at half time!"