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Original poster

To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

1000 replies

chickenmama · 06/04/2009 17:40

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/04/2009 10:24

Stars you are doing so well, it's just amazing to see the difference in you.

What sort of cookbooks do you like? I have 2 copies of some of mine (gifts etc) which I was going to offer around the family but I will hang on to them now so that I can send them to you as a housewarming gift once you are settled again with the DC.

Dalrymps · 17/04/2009 10:43

Morning Stars, hope you are feeling hopefull today , am checking to see how you are/how much of a dick your dh is being everyday. You are an inspiration

I think when he comes home one evening you should have a whole pig cooking on a spit then he really can say the house 'smells of pig'.

fuzzywuzzy - That is an awful story, so glad he is your EX! Hope you're in a much better place now.

Dalrymps · 17/04/2009 10:49

Ooh, don't know if this has already been suggested but I had an idea...

If there are things you will need but can't necessarily take with you then you should list them on here. For eg: tv, chest of drawers, spare bedding, kitchen stuff (cheese grater, pan) etc etc, anything really.

Then we could all see if we have any of these items spare that we can donate. Then you'll have stuff to set up home till you are on your feet and want to replace the items with things more to your taste.

What do you/does everyone think?

singalongamumum · 17/04/2009 10:51

Oh stars, you are doing so brilliantly.

Checking in on you every day-

The fact that you feel sorry for your DH is just another sign of what a compassionate, intelligent woman you are. You know he needs help for his abusive behaviour and alcoholism. But remember- you are not the person who should be giving him this help. It is not your responsibility and you are not in a position to do so. Your priority, quite rightly, is to keep yourself and your DCs safe.

You ARE an inspiration. Take your time, stay steady and you and your DCs will be free.

Longtalljosie · 17/04/2009 10:55

I agree with Dairymps but think she should definitely take the cheese grater with her. ROFL at Stars' H coming home to find her cooking a whole pig on a spit!

Dalrymps · 17/04/2009 10:59

Longtail - Probably a good plan cause i only have one cheese grater anyway . Yeah I was pmsl whilst I typed that at the image I had in my head

Longtalljosie · 17/04/2009 11:14

We have four for some reason. And if my H behaved like that I'd take the lot, and both garlic presses!

PMSLBrokeMN · 17/04/2009 11:27

Great idea Dalrymps - I've got some stuff I was going to freecycle, but I'm hanging on to see if Stars needs anything - I'm sure that for those people living further away we could organise some kind of delivery chain to get the stuff to her!

slug · 17/04/2009 11:36

Didn't Paddington Bear always give hard stares? Maybe you should visualise H in a rain hat and yellow Mac every time he gives you one of his.

vaRIAtyisthespiceoflife · 17/04/2009 11:43

good idea Dalrymps

Dalrymps · 17/04/2009 12:09

We'll await 'the list' then...

Slug - PMSL at her H in a rain hat and yellow mac. Maybe she should make marmalade sandwiches for tea too?

ohdearwhatamess · 17/04/2009 12:30

Dalrymps - that is a great idea. I'm doing a bit declutter at the moment and have lots of kitchen stuff, cookery books, curtains, and bedding to spare. All good stuff, just not used or needed here. Was going to freecycle it but will wait.

Stars - I've been lurking and reading this thread from the start, checking in each day to see that you're ok. I haven't felt I had anything to add to the fantastic advice and support that others have given. Just wanted to say that I'm so impressed with the strength of character and courage you're showing. I hope you can start your new life soon. You and the children deserve so much better.

Ladyfacefullofchocolateegg · 17/04/2009 13:57

Another lurker here who would just like to add her support.

I read through all your threads yesterday and it brought back some memories of my XP. To the outside world he was a nice, happy guy and successful fitness trainer. However, he was also an angry control freak who chain smoked joints ever night.

I too used to dread him coming home from work, never knowing what mood he would be in or what would set him off. I even stopped driving for a while as his comments made me lose all confidence behind the wheel. If I complained about his criticism he would say I was oversensitive and had issues. He hated my family and friends saying they put ideas in my head (about him).

I now have an amazing dh who is nothing but loving and supportive and we have a gorgeous dd. When I think about the life I could have been living, had I stayed with my ex, it chills me to the bone. The feeling of freedom I had when I finally left him was like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders.

I wish you all the luck in the world for your new life and when you are ready you will find a wonderful man who will give you all the love and respect you deserve. x

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 17/04/2009 14:07

Slug Excellent idea re Paddington - though it might not help Stars with keeping up the frightened act. I'm PMSL and I don't even have my DP in front of me to imagine like that!!!

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 17/04/2009 14:46

Hey Stars, how are you today?

If I store some of DH's shit treasured items, will he miss them? It would amuse me, actually....

No no, my dh would not be happy. Oh so tempting

slug · 17/04/2009 15:07

Whoops, have just realised that Paddington Bear wears a duffle coat. (DD will be ashamed of me for getting that one wrong)

singalongamumum · 17/04/2009 15:08

x posts dalyrumps- great idea!

SammyK · 17/04/2009 15:42

Hi stars, great to see that you are feeling more 'ready'.

Don't know about other posters but I think you are being amazingly strong to hold fort until you have been to all your appointments, got all your info etc. Do be carfeul how you react to him tho, try to carry on as normal as much as you can, you don't want him getting suspicious.

Hope you are having a good day

starsnstripes · 17/04/2009 15:50

Thanks again for all your kind messages.

Had a nice day so far.
My niece came roind and we had a good chat and she took some things for storage for me.
She also has a few bits in her garage that I could use if need be.

fuzzywuzzy-that sounds awful,so glad you are away from him now.

Thank you for your kind offer of items to set up home again,although am very embarassed and would'nt feel right making a list.

ladyface-so glad you are happy now ,hopefully that will be me one day.

paddington's stare-yes that is H down to a tee.

WriggleJiggle · 17/04/2009 16:03

Have been following your thread Stars, waiting for you to announce your new identity - you must think up a great new MNing name to reflect your new found freedom
Hoping everything keeps ticking over calmly until you're ready to make your move. Good luck.

Dalrymps · 17/04/2009 16:20

Hey stars, glad you've had a nice day so far

I thought you might say something to that affect re the list. I think I'd be the same. How about we all just list things we have and if you get closer to 'the move' and need any of the items you can say and we'll sort it from there?

starsnstripes · 17/04/2009 18:00

Wriggle-will have to get my thinking cap on for a new name for my new life.

Dalrymps-that's really kind of you.
Will keep it in mind for the future.

we did have a lovely day hopefully tonight will be ok.

amidaiwish · 17/04/2009 18:02

what does your niece say about it all? is she shocked or have you been telling her bits over the years?

starsnstripes · 17/04/2009 18:11

amidaiwish-My niece knew bits and pieces over the years but not the full story really as did'nt want to burden her with my problems.
She has seen first hand his drinking at times but not being abusive.
My family have only seen the nice side to him and when not drunk is very charming.
Of course over the years when I have declined invitations to partys,family celebrations etc she must have wondered why.
She says talking to me and also my sister,her mother,had said as well they have seen a change in me and think my mind is made up and I have had enough of the whole situation.

Her DH was away working today and rang her on his mobile to let her know where he was and what time he would be home.
SHe sais that was the second timwe he had rung today.
I had to fight back the tears over something so simple and thought how nice it must be to have a relationship like that.

amidaiwish · 17/04/2009 18:37

it is great you are letting those close to you in on what's been going on.
you WILL have a relationship like that. you sound like such a lovely person, someone wonderful is going to be very lucky to meet you.

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