To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Go Stars! Go Stars!!! Lots of pom pom waving!!! You're a different person from the one that started the previous thread!

I hope this insercurity of his does'nt last long.
It is difficult to deal with .
That may sound hard hearted but I can't weaken my resolve now.
He is obviously making an effort as far as not going to the pub so often and I still feel it is too little too late.He has had so many chances over the years.

I feel a different person already.
I feel more confident,less anxious and almost ready to deal with anything that comes my way.
Of course you lot on mumsnet have played a big part in me getting there,thanks.

Not going to the pub also doesn't make up for the fact that he is downright rude, horrid and sarcastic to you when it is totally unfounded. You mustn't let these small nice things lead you to believe that he can improve - as soon as he has got you back 'under his thumb' all these improvements will be out of the window - as he has proved time after time.

What have you managed to sort out so far? Is is still in the house, will your niece be able to take something away, or have you already sent a few things to your sister?

Making an effort??!!!

Yes, he's making an effort in making you feel like shit and making you feel like it's all your fault!

He is getting worried by the sounds of it.
You know why I think that is? Somewhere deep deep deep inside he knows that how he treats you is unacceptable, he is not capable of doing anything about it for very long at a time though, maybe if he admitted he needed help....

Be careful, he will use your rejection as ammo that it is all your fault, I know you must be walking a knife edge with it, it's so nice to hear you standing up to his vitriol.

"No I am not paranoid,you would like me to think I am but that won't work anymore."

These words are great to hear, stars. Keep them with you!

far too little, far too late. And still giving those awful stares... And of course he may not be wanting to eat because it messes with his drinking... Stay strong - you sound so much better :-)

When you get confused because you feel sorry for him then remember -

You might feel sorry for an old tramp lying in the gutter. But that doesn't mean you want to live his life with him!

Well done you are getting there, just get that stuff sorted and before you know it you'll be out.

My ex on cooking:

he had two responses, both usually given after eating everything so it can't have been that bad.

1. Push plate away, make a face and say 'don't bother making that again'

1. Push plate away and say 'that was ok, but when my mother does it she does blah blah blah' (ie better than me).

See, nothing to feel sorry about, he is just being a tosser over one thing or another, tonight it was about food.

Still have things here at the moment but hoping to give some to my niece tomorrow.
She may be moving soon herself so don't want to land her with too much to store.
I have quite a few cookery books which I would like to take with me so need to sort through those another time.

I am always astounded at how he can be nasty one minute then nice the next and expect me to have forgotten how nasty he was.

Am trying to stay strong as best I can.
I don't know how many times I have read all these posts but it helps to keep thinghs in perspective.

dreadpirate-could you e mail me please re coffee as have deleated all my mail from you in case he went looking.

flibberty-
so relate to the cooking ,that is spot on.
H's favourite is if I have served up a shock horror bought apple pie he will turn to the children and say
"Gran (meaning his mum) always makes her own cakes and pies.

Also he always comments my food needs more salt.

You can replace all your cookery books with ebay.

But actually I think you should leave them as he's going to have to learn how to cook.

Stars - why don't you pick out your two favourite cookery books and give them to your niece to look after. It might be hard picking just two - but surely H wouldn't notice 2 gone and that way you will know that you already have them and if you have to leave the rest for whatever reason, it won't matter so much. Couldn't she drop things with your sister if necessary anyway?

Cooking - you can't win can you? I hope that you're cooking things that you and the children fancy!

Keep strong, we're all egging you on!

Stars - have emailed you a lightly coded mail. I think you're right to be cautious at this point, and maybe while you're getting stronger inside you could act a bit more scared outside? Might calm him down a bit, and might actually make you feel even stronger, that you have that control?

Really looking forward to meeting - I hope you can find a time? Can also fit at least 2 cookery books in my current suitcase handbag

Great idea Dreadpirate!

I know it is strange re the cookery books but I have a bit of a passion for them and would hate to think he would throw them out after I left.

Will give some to my sister to look after and dreadpirate if that is ok?

I have so many he won't notice some gone.

flibberty,the thing is he can cook quite well, his mother taught him.
He just does'nt bother.

Will try and not appear too cocky so as to arouse suspicion.

Not a problem - can set up a box in the spare room for anything like that to stay safe from sticky-nosed son

Where are you stars, I can't remember if you ever said. We have room for some boxes if you're near Devon.

Stars you are doing amazingly well... You should be soo proud of yourself...

I'm always looking on here I know I can't give you advise but my thoughts and prayers are always with you...

To be honest its sooo nice to see the last few posts from you have been so strong. You really are special Stars and one day you will believe it.
Lots of love to you and your DC (as always) xxxxxxxx

Do these men read the same 'how to be a dick' book?

ex used to do the, you can't cook thing too, one very memorable time he finished all his food, stood up to leave the room and said, 'I hated that dont make it again'. To which I replied 'I wont make it regularly but I will on occassion as the children love it'. To which he kicked me in the back, I was sitting drinking a really hot cup of tea which sloshed all over me, worse my youngest was leaning agianst me and she could have so easily have been scalded.

Strange tho, that all this disgusting food we allegedly cook, still gets all eaten is't it?

Juxalot - other side of the country from Devon. But can I post you some of my DH's shit treasured items?

I wish I was a bit nearer - I could lend you box/bookshelf space too!

Hey Stars How you doing today? Should be a good day if your niece is coming over have you got everything ready to give to her?

Regarding the cooking, I agree take a few which you really want, but leave some for H as he will need to get back into the habit of doing stuff for himself!

Have you decided if your going to go down WA route?

Stars, I haven't been on for awhile and am amazed att eh difference in your posting style, you are doing GREAT!
I swear you can almost see your self esteem (which was fairly minimal when you started these threads) has rocketed, good for you!

I do agree with those saying not to show him it yet though as you don't want him to get suspicious, my father was always worse when we stood up to him IYSWIM.
Good luck,x

Morning stars! how are you today ?. Hope you have a good one today ..re: pig, does he not eat pig because it would be canabilism ( he is a pig, a great big horrid selfish pig lol )... Can you not use his insults pig headedness over your cooking as an excuse to move your cookery books ? . Tell him your donating to charity shop as he doesnt like the recipes and give them to dread when you meet up..That would have the effect of making him think he's back in control and your on eggshells again and eager to please .