To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

You cannot let us down, whatever you do.

We are just concerned for you and want to know that you and your kids are OK. Just keep posting. I, amongst others, think about you a lot - not just when I'm on here - and hope that you are happier today, being treated well. We want to see you being loved and cherished by someone as you deserve to be. We want you to be living a life which doesn't involve treading on eggshells or being grateful for behaviour which most of us take for granted.

Pass him a take out menu.

Go out - for good

tell him to bugger off Stars, he is capable enough to make his own dinner FGS

You are not letting any of us down, we will all support you in anyway necessary.

So you've got his mother effectively spying on you now as well?

You're not letting us down Stars. If anything the opposite - I just hope that we're giving you some of the support you need to help you to leave when you're ready. From your posts you do seem to have made up your mind that you will leave, and its just 'when' that is the question now.

I hope that you are managing to start the small bits on your list - and get things to a safe place like your sisters. I think Flibberty's post idea is great - getting one or two things ticked off every day would help you to feel that you were achieving things, even if it was at a gradual rate...

Take care fo yourself Stars, your h sounds really scary tbh.

I know you probably dont think he is but from an objective point of view, from the way you describe him, he does not sound like a man I would feel terribly safe sharing a roof with!

Having said that ex used to beat the crap out of me...and I wasn't afraid of him either. It's just now when I'm out of it and can look back and I wonder why on earth I wasn't a terrified wreck when he was around.

Get all the advice you need to together, clear out any joint bank accounts you possibly can, or get your name off of any joint bak accounts/credit cards you have once you've sorted your own bank account out, you do not want to be jointly repsonsible for any debts he runs up after your departure.
Make sure all your papers eg passports, birth certificates, qualifications, credit cards, bank statements, national insurance number card, child benefit information, tax credit info childrens papers etc are all moved to a safe place where you can get them when you've moved, and not left behind.

Good luck, do little manageable bits at a time.

Have just nipped on whilst he is making himself a gin and tonic.

the children wanted sausages and mash for dinner.

H's response
"I hate F...ing sausages"

stars he hates sausages?... what a lovely way of trying to put you and the kids down. ...he's no kind of father who does that...you and the kids will be so happy when he's gone! i'd be tempted to have sausages every night .dont let him get to you ,he's a waste of oxygen.

I think when considering whether to go down the Womens Aid route, you could factor in his family (mum) aswell. I think if you're in a temporary safe environment you will not have to face the pressure they will inevitably place on you.

Stars - I mailed you earlier - sorry I haven't been around this afternoon. Just want to say 'chin up' - but not so far up he gets suspicious... And as I said, you're not disappointing anyone by not leaving yet - we're all here to pay you the respect that you haven't had for the past few years, of letting you make your own decision in your own time.

But nagging you because we all care what happens to you and your children.

Hope this evening gets better for you,

xx

Stars what a lovely response?! Did you cook sausages or what H wanted?

xx

Poppity, that's a great analogy.

Stars, I've been thinking of you lots. You're sounding stronger by the day. I hope his mood has improved this evening. Stay safe and out of his way if not.

"I'll ask you again. What's for dinner?"

Who the F* does he think he's talking to? I know what I'd have been tempted to do with those sausages.

Normal service resumed then? You deserve so much more respect than this. Thinking of you.

Hi everyone.

Children asleep and have come up to bed.
He ate his sausages after all!!!

He did have a bit of a rant about how he made an effort at easter and I was a miserable bitch.
He reckons I am not alive at the moment.
He took his drink outside in the garden and slammed the back door.
He took his keys and locked it from the outside.
Whether that was so I did'nt lock him out?

I reckon he was so annoyed when he came in because his mum had given him a hard time about him not phoning her over easter.

Flibberty-yes my mind has already left this place.

poppity-great way to put it.
I sometimes get those feelings when he has been away working.

"butyou see I have had all day to think about what is for dinner,so I must know."
Me an dthe children usually just play it by ear especially on school hols and they had been playing sleep overs which iswhy we had the picnic dinner at 5pm.
H can't understand that.

Have sorted through some photos ready for my niece to take on friday.

We don't have any joint bank accounts at all so that is one thing less to worry about.

Am trying not to come back with clever answers just thinking them in my head.

Am feelng a bit guilty about not getting H anything for his birthday.
Wonder if I should'nt get him one of those shopping list blackboards for the kitchen.
Then when I leave I could hang it up where he would see it and put-

BASIC ITEMS YOU SHOULD'NT RUN OUT OF

BREAD
MILK
SAUSAGES
BLEACH
COFFEE

Don't forget to put COKE on that list

Well, isn't he lovely then.

I just hope your children didn't hear him talking to you like that.

How nice it will be for you to be able to cook sausages and mash for the 3 of you, and not have to cook for an unappreciative "man" like that.

And I use the term "man" very loosely here!

Love the blackboard idea Stars

Don't feel guilty for not getting H anything for his birthday as lets be honest he doesn't deserve it!

Have you sorted a bag of things for your niece to take on friday?

Personally, I'd be tempted to write 'compassion' on the blackboard with the other essential items.

Oh forgot about the coke!!
I must be getting stronger.
An incident like that with that coke before would have had me upset for days.
Water off a ducks back now.

The children did'nt hear any of that thank goodness.

Have a few items for my niece to take,photos,CD's,etc.

There seems to be a running theme with H and food.
Last night I had used to much garlic in the chicken and he sat complaining as he ate it.

Horton -great idea.
Could think of a few other things as well but won't waste my time,let him figure it out.

Great idea Stars !

Good for you Stars

Stars

How daft to feel proud of you when I don't even know you.

Good for you Stars, and maybe when you've finished writing on that blackboard you can shove it up his arse, it will help him to read it better, as his head is up there already!

No one on this thread is judging you Stars, we all acknowledge just how huge this is for you. Of course we want you and the chilren safe, away from this sorry excuse of a man but we are here for you however long that takes, and beyond.

You already seem so different from the person you were a few weeks ago, it's wonderful to hear you becoming stronger every day. You will have the life you deserve very soon, just hang on in there!