To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Things have been fairly quiet this afternoon.

Was just in the kitchen listening to the radio and he marches in and changes the station to the football.

I came out of there and for the first time ,don't know where it came from said to myself

"I am nearly ready"

Obviously meaning ready to leave.

Yay! Woohoo! Let's just get you over that final hurdle, whatever it might be

Is he back to work tomorrow?
So willing you to make that move, and get you and your kids to safety and a degree of normality.
Thinking of you and sending some more hugs x

dreadpirate-your response made me laugh.

stanausaurus-he goes back to work on weds.
Am itching to get things orgainised here and plan to carry on with my list of things to do.

when you leave (not if) you will start to live again. How anyone can treat another person the way he treats you is madness, especially the mother of his children. it's time to leave and i think you know this. it'll only be a matter of time, it won't be easy and you'll have many doubts, but you must remember that you'll be free of the horrid comments the unpredicable behaviour, the guessing when he'll be home and all the other crap.
I'm sorry you've been ill - it's probably stress that is contributing to the illness.

take care

Well done stars... Keep up that thinking and it wont be long untill your a free and you are you again!!! [excited smiley]LOL

You go girl xxx

Total Tosser.

It'll be over soon.
Thinking of you, keep strong.

Well done keep thinking it nearly there xx

hi stars, not posted for a while but been Reading. That coke incident, says it all really, absolutely no respect!! Assume it was in front of kids too.

Wednesday he's back to work, you need to be out of there, while it's all fresh in your memory......and his!! No need to explain why you have left is there? Leave a note next to the crushed can! Just go now, enough is enough!!

Thanks everyone.

Luckily the children did not see the incident this morning.

I was up here posting and he sent the children up wth a bowl of raspberries,strawberries and cream for me.

Nice thing for a H to do under normal circumstances but it did'nt make me feel like it should have.

Oh Stars, you deserve so much better.

One day someone will bring you strawberries and you will feel cherished.

stars, here are some positive affirmations, keep repeating them to yourself.

I have inner strengthI am strongMy soul is strongBecause I am a woman I am strong

Thinking of you.

Bugger, they were sopposed to be in bold.

Phew I didn't insult you

Two things today - firstly, even though I left my ex p it took me years to get my confidence and self esteem back. one thing that helped was a self help assertiveness tape that someone lent me. It sounds pathetic but it really helped.
Every time your h does something like that coke incident or talking down to you, you just repeat to yourself
'No matter what you do or say to me, I am still a worthwhile person'.
Then, the bit that really really helped me through that horrible day when I knew I was going, but he'd been threatening suicide etc (I actually looked at him and thought, oh good that would save me a lot of hassle if you top yourself ), is that YOU are not responsible for someone else's feelings. You have to act in the way thats best for yourself, and they choose how they react. So if he goes mad, suicidal, begging, upset etc, he has chosen to deal with your leaving in a particular way and its up to him to deal with that, not up to you do do anything detrimental to yourself in order to make him 'feel better'.

Secondly, this wedding. He is keen to take the children so that he can show a fab-father-adoring-kids front to his family. He is not bothered whether you come, because then he can put on some long suffering husband act about you being an agoraphobic nutcase to his family and get their sympathy.

So, I say to you, STARSNSTRIPES that you should be long gone before that wedding, take the kids with you, and not give a shit whether he is shown up at not having his kids present at his brothers wedding. Because he's never given a shit about whether you are shown up to anyone through his behaviour has he? Taxi drivers, neighbours, his family etc etc.

Let him go to that wedding on his own, and if you are gone by then I can assure you, you really won't worry about the wedding. Once you've gone it will be like a curtain drops and regarding your home and husband it will be like someone told you that you were once married to him. There will be no emotional tie at all once you've gone, just relief. But you have to GO!!!

Juxa-that is a nice thought for the future.

poshtottie-I will keep repeating ths affimations,thanks.

dittany-maybe my inner voice is finally starting to emerge.

Flibberty-I will look into getting one of those tapes,sounds like a good idea.
As for the wedding and what his family think I have long ago given up on what they think of me.
His mother once told me she thought I was strange,so will be living up to her expectations of me.

I want to get a list together of things to take with me but am so worried he will find it so will make start making one on this thread and can add to it when I think of more things.

Passports
birth certss
wedding cert
Debts in my name
DLA letters
Carers allowance letters
child benefit letters
child tax letters
bank statements
payslips
childrens red health books
DS's statement review letters
DS's and DD's school paperwork
DS's paediatrician,SALT letters etc
calender
address book/phone numbers
mobile phone
laptops
laptop connections/plugs etc
diary of appointment dates
red orgainiser/filofax
CD's
photographs
discs of photographs
video of children as babies
toys
books
clothes
bedlinen
towels
toiletries
shoes
coats
cd player
DVDs-childrens
bank cards
keys

Dongle for internet connection-most important for mumsnet.

No more will I have to hear "oh you are on mumsnet again are you?"

Good list stars

Do any of you have any medicines you need to take everyday?
Any comfort objects that would help with the transition.

I'm guessing as he works full time you would have a good 8 hours to take what you need the minute he were to walk out of the door? If so you could just go round the house with the list and put it all together. Also the logistics of moving, does your sister or niece drive and could help you move?

Sammy -my niece drives but not my sister.
But they have husbands with access to a van if needed.

Medicines DS
Doctors numbers

thanks,yes for DS but he will wanting a new prescription soon anyway.

I was just wondering, do you think you'll be ok being re-housed rather than going into a womens' shelter? If he knows where you're living, what reaction do you expect to get and do you feel that you can deal with that e.g. coming round drunk at midnight, turning up at school etc.
That aside, have followed the thread and really wish you the very best.

Yes, It would be awful to move and have him come round and cause a scene in front of the DC's. Please do take the Women's Aid option; just until you know how explosive he's going to be when he finds out you've left. I really really really don't think he's going to becivilised so please keep yourself safe

The coke thing was awful; just reading him off the page makes me shudder! But you must have an inner core of steel, reserves you never knew you had to put up with his vitriol all this time. But god how you must be tired of it. You & the dcs DESERVE a better future.

V good list btw.

Just point of view in favour of going short-term to a WS. Women's shelters have access to support that you & dcs could find very useful & you just need to be able to breathe when you leave, not worry that he'll be turning up on your door. A layer of bureaucracy and officialdom between you and hb would be no bad thing - jmo.

Stars I've been following your post. I am outraged on your behalf and think your DH has huge problems. You must not take them on as yours.

I hope that the support and advcie that fellow MN have shown you will help you gather the strength to leave. You are in my thoughts and you know where we all are if you are feeling wobbly.

It's time to look forward to the start of a brighter, happier future for you and your DC.

Sorry, meant to add, I second and third what everyone has said re. Women's aid. They are immensely helpful with everything from practical details, such as helping you find somewhere safe to live when you are ready and furnishing the place to legal support and also emotional support too.

Stars - I'm still waiting to come help/pick you up, and can always look after a couple of boxes of stuff for you if you want to keep it handy while at Womens Aid?