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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbours always using my garden...

188 replies

PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:11

I have been thinking about posting this for a while, but todays events have made me need to ask.
I live in a 4 in a block type flat, upstairs. The couple downstairs from me are in their 60's. They have a huge black lab and three grand daughters that visit every day. I'd say they were about 13, 6 and 4, but that is just a guess.
We have seperate fenced off back gardens. Theirs is lovely, with flowers and lots of garden gnomes and a water feature. There is no grass in their garden, it is all slabs and pebbles.
My garden is all grass with a small path that sits behind my clothes poles, behind the path i have a small fence and my sons toys are up the back, we have a swing, house, a few ride ons and a trampoline, i also have a table and chairs set.
Every day their gc are in my garden, on ds toys, climbing on the table and just driving me crazy, because they are shut out of their own garden.
No one ever asked me if the could use my garden it just happens.
The past few days, my chairs have been moved into their garden, for them to use while sun bathing, and today i took ds outside to play to find the three children on his things.
I put him in his swing while the younges started crying saying it was her swing and she wanted in it.
I just took ds out and back in the house.
I am just angry because it is a lovely day and i just want to be able to sit in my garden while ds plays.
I looked out my window to see the middle and oldest girl running through my bath towels that are hanging out. They are clean and out to dry, why would that be okay to do?
Gah, i do feel selfish, but what can i say to my neighbours to let them know that this is not acceptable without sounding like a bitch?

OP posts:
Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:12

Forgot to say, they have clothes poles in their garden, but no ropes, and they use the other neighbours garden to hang their washing. So i don't want to be the non sharing bad neighbour!

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 03/04/2009 18:14

YANBU!
You can talk to them 'nicely' - it's just not fair for your ds not to have access to his toys. They're taking you for a bit of a mug.

Grammaticus · 03/04/2009 18:14

Why on earth do they do that? They are totally out of order!

KingRoloEgg · 03/04/2009 18:14

Well, you're not being unreasonable to feel angry about this, I know I'd be very annoyed! The only thing to do is have a quiet word with your neighbours and see if that makes a difference.

Thunderduck · 03/04/2009 18:14

I can't think how to word it precisely but YANBU. It's your garden, it isn't your problem if they've paved over their grass.

If they want the grandchildren to have room to run riot they should take them to the park.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 03/04/2009 18:14

they sound very selfish, I dotn know what you can say other than that they are stopped your ds playing in his own garden which is obviously not fair.

neolara · 03/04/2009 18:14

You've just got to tell them it's not on. Because it's just not. I'd be bloody furious if my neighbours decided to hang around in my garden. It's your garden. It's not remotely unreasonable to say that you want the kids to stay out. Really. You're not going to sound like a bitch.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 18:15

Get a padlock for the gate/remove all the toys/get a shed and lock them away (the toys, not the neighbours)

wotulookinat · 03/04/2009 18:15

I know exactly the sort of set up you mean - I used to live in such a flat. I ended up putting a 6foot fence up around my garden. I got a right mouthful from the elderly man upstairs but it was my garden and was worht it for the privacy. Could you put a fence up with a gate?

wotulookinat · 03/04/2009 18:16

And you could speak to the freeholder about it too.

Ohforfoxsake · 03/04/2009 18:17

Just tell the children to go and play in their own garden. They are old enoough to understand.

psychomum5 · 03/04/2009 18:17

any way that you could string up electric fencing to stop them coming in???

Yurtgirl · 03/04/2009 18:18

They are being extremely unreasonable - you are being imo extremely patient in not telling them off

If they have poles for washing - they should use them! It sounds to me as if they are using not only your garden but your neighbours as well. Very rude and selfish!

I would politely tell them whats what - Your garden is your garden! They are not entitled to use it - If they want grass and equipment for the kids they should ditch the gnomes and make space!

HTH

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 18:19

Get a sprinkler. Set it off when you have the unwanted visitors, they will soon bugger off (leave it off in the summer though )

Electric fence is a very good idea.

frogwatcher · 03/04/2009 18:19

YANBU. You poor thing - it would drive me mad. If you are not comfortable saying something direct, make up an excuse like you are using weedkiller/plant feed that may harm people and it musnt be walked on for three days and you dont know when you will apply it so could they make sure nobody goes in. Or get in before they do and gently tell them to go back to their grandparents when they enter.

psychomum5 · 03/04/2009 18:19

or buy a zapping machine to aim at them when they enter........

chickaleggjac · 03/04/2009 18:19

That's bloody ridiculous, it's your garden not theirs.
I couldn't handle something like that, it would really annoy me. I would tell them straight and if they were offended, tough, they shouldn't be so rude and use my garden and my child's toys.
Sorry no advice about how to say it without sounding like a bitch, as I would be just telling them straight it wasn't on.

CarGirl · 03/04/2009 18:20

I'd mention to them that you chose to move into that flat because you were told they were individual private gardens and whilst you're happy to share on special occasions if asked in advance that you'd like them to not use your garden without asking. Or just tell the children that it's your garden and they need to play in their gps

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:20

I have a fence and a gate, but no shed. That is a good idea though. Maybe a bigger fence.
I really want to just know what to say so i don't sound like i'm selfish or something, and not cause any trouble. It is such a pain, i feel dread every day when i go outside and have to move everything back up the garden just so i can get into hang the washing up. It is just making me angry.

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 03/04/2009 18:21

They are being selfish,not you.

Flier · 03/04/2009 18:22

I think you're going to have to pluck up your courage and go in and speak to them about it. Do you have anything in writing that states the garden is yours?

Yurtgirl · 03/04/2009 18:23

You are not being selfish - they are! Its your garden, they have no right to use it or rearrange your stuff, or to take your patio stuff into their garden

Tell them whats what - if they continue complain to the landlord/council whoever

They are taking you for a fool and whilst you let them continue they will!!

I would have complained about this the first day it happened tbh! Be strong

wotulookinat · 03/04/2009 18:23

Being able to use your own garden without other people being in it is not being selfish.

Smithagain · 03/04/2009 18:25

Totally unreasonable.

When I was a kid, I had friends who lived in a flat with a similar set-up. Their parents always put the fear of God into us whenever we went out to play. We were VERY clear about which was their garden and which was not and we did not tread in anyone else's space.

Think you're going to have to talk to them and point out that your son was very upset about not being able to play on his own toys.

barbarianoftheuniverse · 03/04/2009 18:25

Crikey. An unquiet word is needed.
Set up your barbeque in their garden.
Get ds a fishing rod for the water feature.
Slabs are nice to chalk on. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.