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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbours always using my garden...

188 replies

PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:11

I have been thinking about posting this for a while, but todays events have made me need to ask.
I live in a 4 in a block type flat, upstairs. The couple downstairs from me are in their 60's. They have a huge black lab and three grand daughters that visit every day. I'd say they were about 13, 6 and 4, but that is just a guess.
We have seperate fenced off back gardens. Theirs is lovely, with flowers and lots of garden gnomes and a water feature. There is no grass in their garden, it is all slabs and pebbles.
My garden is all grass with a small path that sits behind my clothes poles, behind the path i have a small fence and my sons toys are up the back, we have a swing, house, a few ride ons and a trampoline, i also have a table and chairs set.
Every day their gc are in my garden, on ds toys, climbing on the table and just driving me crazy, because they are shut out of their own garden.
No one ever asked me if the could use my garden it just happens.
The past few days, my chairs have been moved into their garden, for them to use while sun bathing, and today i took ds outside to play to find the three children on his things.
I put him in his swing while the younges started crying saying it was her swing and she wanted in it.
I just took ds out and back in the house.
I am just angry because it is a lovely day and i just want to be able to sit in my garden while ds plays.
I looked out my window to see the middle and oldest girl running through my bath towels that are hanging out. They are clean and out to dry, why would that be okay to do?
Gah, i do feel selfish, but what can i say to my neighbours to let them know that this is not acceptable without sounding like a bitch?

OP posts:
serenity · 03/04/2009 18:56

And I'd be really hacked off if they're deliberately letting their dog in your garden. Let it shit on their concrete (please tell me you don't have to clean up after it...?)

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:57

and i only split it into two so my own ds wasn't running through my washing lol.
Lisad, that is what i was thinking, but i don't want it to sound okay that they use it, whether they tidy up or not. They have nothing at all for the kids to play with, but the kids do sometimes have toys with them, a toy buggy, a trike and a plastic dolls house today, but it all gets lifted and taken back in when they leave.
My parents are visiting tomorrow so we will be sitting out if it's nice, and dp is off work tomorrow too so i might get him to say something. What a chicken i am.

OP posts:
Eve · 03/04/2009 18:59

you are too nice..

I kive on a private estate which is very secluded and idea for my children to roam and play safely.

Those of us who have children have contributed to a play area with climbing frame , tree house etc.

I quite happily kicked out 6 children of a simliar age yesterday.

There are 2 play parks within safe and easy distance...they can go play in those.

...get me round and I will do it.. I do a very good line in...

,..and what exactly do you think you are doing, with mummy death stare and arms folded!

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 19:00

Nah, they are good at cleaning up now, but we had that conversation when moved in. I have a dog too, their dog is a big brute who flattens her to the ground though, that is why i built the fence in the first place, because ds wasn't born when we moved in.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 19:02

Lol Eve, you could teach me your ways.:D

OP posts:
lou222 · 03/04/2009 19:02

i can't believe you let them do this even once !
if they came and sat in your kitchen and ate your food would you not say anything ?
think you've been a bit of a wuss really especially if you wouldnt let you little one play out today? he is being punished for you not standing up for yourself!

HenriettaJones · 03/04/2009 19:03

Agree with Serenity, you need to be a bit more assertive. Retreating back inside when the GC started to cry was admitting defeat. I would have told that child in no uncertain terms that "actually, this is DSs swing, and it's his turn now"

I live in an old house where the gardens are all joined up at the back. My DS and a neighbours DC got in to the habit of running in and out of each other's gardens. This was fine until the neighbours DC came in to the garden one evening after DS was in bed and took his toys and hid them in their room. I came out and called to the neighbours DC and asked them really nicely if we could have our things back. The poor things got a huge bo**king off their mum, but they have never done it again ;)

Personally I don't mind them playing in our garden as long as the hours are reasonable and they don't take any more liberties (I would be angry about messing with my clean washing!) But it is mutual - DS can go and play in their garden.

I think if you're not close enough to the grandparents to be able to talk about it, you're not close enough for them to use your garden in this way!

I'd just start off by striding out in to the garden with your DS and sending the kids back home - nicely - saying "sorry kids but it's time for you to go home now" just be firm. Do this every time their presence annoys you and they will soon stop coming!

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 19:06

Lou i am a wuss. No getting out of that. I just don't want any one falling out. I'm also very hormonal and pregnant, and worried if they disagree with me i will end up shouting my head off, or worse crying.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 03/04/2009 19:06

Buy a shed and put the toys in it. Pad lock the garden.

Don't bother speaking to the neighbours (they know they are taking the piss BTW) and shout at the children to get out of your garden. They are old enough to understand the concept of ownership. Tell them their grandparents can buy them toys to play with.

cheshirekitty · 03/04/2009 19:10

YANBU. Your neighbours sound pretty selfish and unthinking tbh.

Might I suggest you go over to neighbours house and say you are worried their gc may come to harm in your garden and your insurance would not cover them? That way you would be blaming a third party, so do not come over as the bad guy.

Can I just say you sound like a lovely person to have put up with this so long. I would have long ago got a padlock and a 'trespassers will be prosecuted' sign.

KimiWantsAnEasterEgg · 03/04/2009 19:14

YANBNU in the least. How bloody rude of them, I would not take my child off of his toys and inside because some brat was having a tantrum that they wanted it.
I would ask you neighbours to stop useing your garden as a play ground, not to move your stuff and keep out.
Can you lock your garden at all.

Eve · 03/04/2009 19:15

I could make a fortune with my mummy death stare if I could bottle it and sell it.

I just have to raise an eyebrow at either of my boys and they know!!

..its all in the body language...

Stand up straight.. say it like you mean it, politely and frimly.. cross arms or hands on hips and stand there and hold the eye contact.

Dominant body language.

don't apologise, don't say would you mind... etc etc..

say.. i think you will find this is MY garden with my childrend toys and I would appreacite it if you didn't come in here uninvited.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 19:17

Sounds like we're all in favour of the padloak then. This should give them the hint, if not, try a sprinkler.

We had neighbours like this when I was a child. We used to have an area at the bottom with trees on either side, nice soft grass, flowers, it was lovely until they started jumping on the trees and destroyed it. I used to sit there and read but I couldn't do it after as all the trees were split so they had to be dug up. I was really, really sad. Don't let them do this!!!

louii · 03/04/2009 19:18

I am in a four in a block as well, everyone thinks the bloody gardens are communal.
Pain in the ass!

TheCrackFox · 03/04/2009 19:19

"say.. i think you will find this is MY garden with my childrend toys and I would appreacite it if you didn't come in here uninvited."

I think Eve has hit the nail on the head. Memorize and repeat next time the brats are in the garden.

TheMightyBoosh · 03/04/2009 19:23

The other neighbours with the washing line in their agrden...

do you know if thats allowed? If you know those neighbours at all,achat and a united fromt might work?

I get annoyed enough with cow next door sitting on her roof in hher skimpies complaining that the fact she can see our faily in our garden infringes her privacy, I would be annoyed as anything at this (and I would do about as much about it as you )

sandpebbles · 03/04/2009 19:23

PrammyMammy: no, YANBU! The next time the children are in your garden go to the grandparents and cheerfully complain. better to speak to them while the transgression is actually taking place. no need for you to take into consideration that they've played there before IMO. you have decided that henceforth your garden is not open to all comers. If the gp's have the gall to say that because you have given your tacit agreement before so it should continue then just play dumb, looked shocked and claim you never noticed them in there before!
it's not the kid's fault, and i'm sure their gp's will take them to the park for time outdoors when they can no longer take advantage of your space! (flipping cheek!).

Sheeta · 03/04/2009 19:28

YANBU, of course.... it's a very bad example to set the grandkids too, just taking other people and their stuff for granted? I'd have a word... soon as.

TheMightyBoosh · 03/04/2009 19:32

Oh and its easy to deal with the apparent 'change of mind':

'now ds is a bit older and spring is coming, we've found he wants to play outside mroe but gets upset if other children have the swings- if you could pass the message onto your GC's that I need to keep the garden free from now I'd be ost grateful'

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2009 19:35

good lord, no you aren't being unreasonable at all.
I won't say any more other than that I agree with everything that has already been posted!

if, however, you don't want to speak to the neighbours, or just don't feel up to it then just put a lock on the gate so they can't get in.
and some trellis round the top if they try and get over it.

that way you don't even have to talk to them

MsSpentEaster · 03/04/2009 19:37

All you need is three things (and some patience)

A shot gun
A strand wheat
A rocking chair

Sit in the rocking chair, chewing the corn patiently with the shotgun in your hands.

When they turn up cock said shotgun and say "get of ma property" (Spit on the floor next to you) then start firing

traceybath · 03/04/2009 19:39

lol msspenteaster.

serenity · 03/04/2009 19:40

I take back everything. Do it like MsSpentEaster says!

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 19:43

lol there's an idea.

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/04/2009 19:46

I still think you shoud have a well placed garden sprinkler! Trun it on when you have intruders, leave it off in the summer, hey presto!

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