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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My neighbours always using my garden...

188 replies

PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:11

I have been thinking about posting this for a while, but todays events have made me need to ask.
I live in a 4 in a block type flat, upstairs. The couple downstairs from me are in their 60's. They have a huge black lab and three grand daughters that visit every day. I'd say they were about 13, 6 and 4, but that is just a guess.
We have seperate fenced off back gardens. Theirs is lovely, with flowers and lots of garden gnomes and a water feature. There is no grass in their garden, it is all slabs and pebbles.
My garden is all grass with a small path that sits behind my clothes poles, behind the path i have a small fence and my sons toys are up the back, we have a swing, house, a few ride ons and a trampoline, i also have a table and chairs set.
Every day their gc are in my garden, on ds toys, climbing on the table and just driving me crazy, because they are shut out of their own garden.
No one ever asked me if the could use my garden it just happens.
The past few days, my chairs have been moved into their garden, for them to use while sun bathing, and today i took ds outside to play to find the three children on his things.
I put him in his swing while the younges started crying saying it was her swing and she wanted in it.
I just took ds out and back in the house.
I am just angry because it is a lovely day and i just want to be able to sit in my garden while ds plays.
I looked out my window to see the middle and oldest girl running through my bath towels that are hanging out. They are clean and out to dry, why would that be okay to do?
Gah, i do feel selfish, but what can i say to my neighbours to let them know that this is not acceptable without sounding like a bitch?

OP posts:

kitkatqueen · 04/04/2009 23:37

Have you considered inviting all your loudest mates round for a bbq - in their garden?

They are being unreasonable not u, I think your MIL would have a v different view if her neighbours did the same...

Confuzzeled · 04/04/2009 23:51

I think your neighbours are as cheeky as the kids. Taking your furniture out your garden is bloody awful. You should get a padlock to keep the gp's out as well as the kids. The kids might climb over but you can tell them to hop it. I doubt an oap will try and get over a 4ft fence. You could put a bike lock on your garden furniture too.

I'm shocked at this, it's really rude.

kitkatqueen · 05/04/2009 00:11

Don't think that the op should have to lock everything and put in a big gate etc, she should be able to speak with her neighbours about the problem. If speaking to them about the children being in her garden is going to cause problems/bad feeling then so is locking everything, they will know why its being done and it could cause more neighbour problems / embarrassment in the long run.

Best just to ask them if they can keep the grandchildren in their own garden in future. If lines of communication break down between neighbours it can get v uncomfortable.

Good luck!

EasterEggsintheSky · 05/04/2009 00:16

I'm late to this but, aside from the kids in your garden thing, I can't believe they are actually stealing your garden furniture and putting it in their garden, even temporarily! This whole thing is absurd and no way should they be doing any of it. Good luck dealing with them and be strong, they are way out of order.

screamingabdab · 05/04/2009 09:57

You MIL is being soft-hearted, which I can understand, but these kids are not your responsibility, as you say.

"(You) shouldn't expect OAP's to cope with three kids and no toys" !!!!!!!. The Children's PARENTS shouldn't expect it

StayFrosty · 05/04/2009 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 05/04/2009 14:25

LOL frosty! We might have had the same dream :P

Today, while the sun was out, i managed two washes, all the beds and work clothes for next week. Got them all hung out and went out to enjoy a seat and some play with my ds.
While we were out again the eldest and youngest girl came out. I had my dog in the garden today, she is a tiny, lazy cavalier king charles spaniel, and all she does is sit under the table. But the oldest girl came over to the fence and said " is afread of missy". SO what? My dog wasn't near her and was on the other side of a fence! So i heard her asking the youngest if she wanted to share with ds and the girl saying no, but they came in anyway.
I told them no, i would rather they didn't use my garden, the toys are in fact my sons and not theirs and they have their own lovely garden to play in. They just walked back out, so i said, in a nice voice, " and i don't mean just today, i mean every day. Stay out of the garden". She just nodded and they went back inside. We spend another hour in the garden before my ds started getting grumpy, but no adults made their way outside.
I still know i need to sort it directly with the adults, but i don't want to chap the door, incase it seems threatening in any way. I hoped someone would come out after the girls told them i shooed them away.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 05/04/2009 14:46

the fact no adults have been seen since would indicate to me they know they have been taking liberties and don't want to face you!
Well done!

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 05/04/2009 14:49

I'd say it's done now. Well done, and don't let anyone walk over you like that in the future!

springlamb · 05/04/2009 14:50

Well done.
I was lurking yesterday and hoped you would 'grow a pair' about this issue (no offence meant). We all have something that we know we should deal with, but just avoid. I've had about a hundred of them.
I think the adults are probably well aware they've been taking the piss. If they thought they had any rights here surely they'd have come out immediately.
Keep up the good work. Ignore softy MIL, my MIL would've gone down and boxed their ears shrieking 'get orf our land, that's my precious X's swing', but then she is a very defensive woman, also very offensive but let's not go there.

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 05/04/2009 14:53

Wellll, i just heard my ds sit and spin thing playing songs so i went out, the grandad was there watching the kids play. So i asked him if he would please keep the girls off the toys and in their own garden. He just looked at me and called his dog (who was also in the garden) So i said, i didn't want any trouble but the youngest was crying when my son wanted to play and she thought the toys were her, and it wasn't very fair. Also that i don't hang my washing out on the line for them to play with it. He said their mum didn't know they were swinging on the washing and that he would keep them out the garden.
Now that i have spoken to an adult, i can buy a padlock guilt free, and i plan to!

OP posts:

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 05/04/2009 14:55

lol springlamb, your mil sounds like my mum. She keeps saying she will sort them out ha.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 05/04/2009 14:56

You're on a roll! Hire yourself out to people who need some straight talking done for them!

bronze · 05/04/2009 14:59

well done

if you were anything like me you went back in all lightheaded and shaking slightly. they've been told now so hopefully nomore

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 05/04/2009 15:03

Lol, bronze, i felt like that outside, because he wasn't answering me, felt like i was having an argument with myself.
They are all away back inside now, their gnomes can't be that exciting.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 05/04/2009 15:04

Well done - isn't it awful when people take advantage of your kind nature and somehow you end up feeling like you've done something wrong.

I'm always the same when people forget to repay me money they've borrowed. I get in such a state about asking for it back.

springlamb · 05/04/2009 15:08

Oh, very well done.
Now, could you come and stay for a few days please and sort out my nosy neighbour who has knocked some of the knots out of the fence so he can see what dh is doing in the garden? I think the sound of the drill has attracted old Eagle-Eye but he's gone a bit far this time and MIL's not around.

screamingabdab · 05/04/2009 15:11

Well done!

madairyMilkEggday · 05/04/2009 15:11

Good for you. Hopefully you'll have no more trouble now.
at the grandad being in your garden watching his gc playing on your dc's toys. Unbelievable. But you've shown now they can't walk over you any more, well done.

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 05/04/2009 15:30

O i don't know about that, it's taken me a few weeks to even post this thread remember :P
I think the grandad was out because the older kid felt uncomfortable after being told off earlier on. He probably didn't expect me to say anything to him.
Thanks everyone :D

OP posts:

Blessingsdragon · 05/04/2009 15:31

Well Done!!! - I would also tell your mother in law how polite but assertive you were

Blessingsdragon · 05/04/2009 15:32

And please dont't back track if they challange you about it!

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 05/04/2009 15:38

O thank you. I expected them to challenge me about it at the time, i had lots of lines in my head (from on here ha) that i didn't even need.
I am chuffed with myself, i just hope they listen.

OP posts:

differentEggD · 05/04/2009 15:44

Well done you- I wish I'd had your guts when we had problem neighbours

MayorNazeNotWithChoccyEggs · 05/04/2009 15:50

missed all this but just read thread and well done you

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