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Original poster

My neighbours always using my garden...

188 replies

PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:11

I have been thinking about posting this for a while, but todays events have made me need to ask.
I live in a 4 in a block type flat, upstairs. The couple downstairs from me are in their 60's. They have a huge black lab and three grand daughters that visit every day. I'd say they were about 13, 6 and 4, but that is just a guess.
We have seperate fenced off back gardens. Theirs is lovely, with flowers and lots of garden gnomes and a water feature. There is no grass in their garden, it is all slabs and pebbles.
My garden is all grass with a small path that sits behind my clothes poles, behind the path i have a small fence and my sons toys are up the back, we have a swing, house, a few ride ons and a trampoline, i also have a table and chairs set.
Every day their gc are in my garden, on ds toys, climbing on the table and just driving me crazy, because they are shut out of their own garden.
No one ever asked me if the could use my garden it just happens.
The past few days, my chairs have been moved into their garden, for them to use while sun bathing, and today i took ds outside to play to find the three children on his things.
I put him in his swing while the younges started crying saying it was her swing and she wanted in it.
I just took ds out and back in the house.
I am just angry because it is a lovely day and i just want to be able to sit in my garden while ds plays.
I looked out my window to see the middle and oldest girl running through my bath towels that are hanging out. They are clean and out to dry, why would that be okay to do?
Gah, i do feel selfish, but what can i say to my neighbours to let them know that this is not acceptable without sounding like a bitch?

OP posts:
Littlepurpleprincess · 03/04/2009 18:25

erm this is stealing. I would be tempeted to go and give them an earful but I think you should go and ask really calm, for them not to enter your garden, or take your belongings agian. Take the moral high ground. If that fails, report them. It's theft and trespassing.

screamingabdab · 03/04/2009 18:26

I would talk to the kids next time they are out there. Be very careful to sound super extra nice-but-assertive.

If that doesn't work, I'd go and see the grandparents. They must know it's going on and are clearly taking the piss.

I am aware as I write this that maybe it would be fairer to talk to the grandparents first (it's their responsibility), but if you are worried about feeling too angry or coming across as bitch (you are not, btw), then try the kid route first

lizziemun · 03/04/2009 18:26

YANBU

on the next nice day, take your ds and a pinic down and eat it in their garden.

When they complain just tell them that you thought they are communal (sp) garden as they keep sending their gc to play in your garden.

serenity · 03/04/2009 18:27

You sound very nice, but maybe a bit too nice if you understand what I mean? This is one of those situations where you are really, really going to have to stand up for yourself, open your mouth and TELL them it's not acceptable. You don't need to be rude, just firm and tough if they don't like it. By letting it go on, and fuming in private you're essentially giving them tacit approval to walk all over you.

Tell them to stop. It's your garden, your toys etc, they're the ones in the wrong not you.

Hope you manage to sort it out.

NigellaTufnel · 03/04/2009 18:28

Can you put a gate up? TBH it's not the kids' fault, it's the grandparents'.

I would speak to the gps - do NOT write a note - that just gets people into lots of trouble.

I would perhaps say -

I've noticed that your your grandchildren have started to use my garden.
Do they realise that it is actually my garden, and not a communal space? Could you please tell them to stay out? And perhaps tell them that the chairs and toys are not communal?

They have NO moral high ground to climb on. Unless they are orphans, with missing limbs, who live in a workhouse, and only eat worms.

I would get this sorted - summer is just around the corner and you do not want to miss out on your garden.

wotulookinat · 03/04/2009 18:29

I would go out and shout, tbh.

Popple · 03/04/2009 18:31

Poor you - that would totally stress me out. What ever you say to them, or what ever you do, you will end up looking like the bad guy.

I think I would wimp out and write a letter. I KNOW I am going to get criticised for this but a face-to-face confrontation could go very wrong!
You can then explain how you feel very awkward about it but are just not happy with the situation. I wouldn't even let them use it on special occasions to be honest. They would just slip back into their old ways.

doodleboo · 03/04/2009 18:34

It's your garden! Tell them not to use it, you have every right to, and you sound lovely, so i can't see how you could possibly come across badly! Hope it gets sorted out.

Be strong!

mrsjammi · 03/04/2009 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IheartEASTEREGGS · 03/04/2009 18:35

dont say anything, just get a padlock for the gate and lock it so they cant get in!

Blu · 03/04/2009 18:36

Serenity is right. You are not being horrible if you reclaim your own garden! Just straightforward.

Honestly, if they are on your things in your garden, just go staight out and say to the kids 'sorry, this is our garden and DS wants to play on his things now, so I'm afraid you'll have to find somewhere else to play'.

And say to the GPs 'I have asked your gc not to play in my garden because things are getting moved around and also we like to sit out in it now that summer is coming. I'm sure that's ok, isn't it?'.

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 03/04/2009 18:36

No no no. This is ridiculous. The toys are yours, the chairs are yours, the garden is yours. You wouldn't let them borrow your sofa or television would you. They should ask. If you let their gcs play with your ds's toys you are doing them a favour, being kind and neighbourly. If they assume they can use your stuff they are being rude. Stick up for yourself, and your ds.

(Personally, I'd kick the kids out of the garden, go to their gps and say that they need to learn what belongs to them and what belongs to others, and to behave accordingly. But I'd smile while I said it.)

Heated · 03/04/2009 18:37

NigellaT has it spot on; her words would strike exactly the right note imo.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:37

I just went out and brought the washing in, hoping to catch one if the grandparents or one of their daughters, because i know it isn't the kids fault. Their big lab is still out and wandering in the garden, but the kids are inside, and i didn't really want to chap the door. I hope to catch them when they are out to make it seem more casual iykwim?
I wouldn't write a letter, lol, it hadn't crossed my mind, but i can imagine all the trouble it would cause.
Thank you all for the replies. I really thought i might have been over reacting and just stressing over nothing. I will have a nice word asap - or i will try.

OP posts:
Blu · 03/04/2009 18:40

It isn't the kids fault, but they can still be asked not to do it!

It's OUTRAGEOUS that a 13 yo messes with your washing, tbh!

ajandjjmum · 03/04/2009 18:40

I think that you would be liable if anything - dog or child - came to harm in your garden, so you really need to protect yourself. Not meaning to worry you, just giving you something to say to them!!

Ohforfoxsake · 03/04/2009 18:42

Perhaps they think you don't mind because you would say something if you did?

I'd tell the children to play in their own garden, and if they carried on playing in mine, then I'd have a word with the grandparents. Its not the children's fault if they haven't been told, and you are not being selfish.

KERALA1 · 03/04/2009 18:43

If you feel uncomfortable standing up for yourself tell yourself you have a duty to do it for your son. Their trespassing is upsetting him and means he can't play in his own garden so its up to you as his mother to put this right. Be calm and firm - you have right on your side. Good luck!

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 03/04/2009 18:43

My good golly, if I found a child in my garden who hadn't been specifically invited over, I'd completely flip out! How incredibly rude! Chuck 'em out sharpish!!

The nerve of some people! Take your family round this evening to watch their telly and eat their dinner. It amounts to the same thing.

Ohforfoxsake · 03/04/2009 18:46

Don't burn your bridges though, that 13 yo could be a handy babysitter in a couple of years

serenity · 03/04/2009 18:48

I might have missed it, but is your bit unfenced? (the grass at the front that is, I get that the bit with toys is) Could you get your landlord, whatever to fence it in to make it crystal clear it's yours?

We've got a similar set up, but as it's LA we have to fence our "bit" ourselves and I've never bothered because the surrounding gardens were never looked after (made it pointless to have a little oasis of tidyness surrounded by impenetrable god-knows-what) In the end one of our retired neighbours took it over and we have a nice big communial green space instead.

Daffodingles2 · 03/04/2009 18:48

God some people are just so rude...
Stick up for yourself Prammy, it's your garden.
It doesn't really matter how you say it either, because you have right on your side... I can't imagine you'd go round there all guns blazing anyway, you sound far too nice ]

lisad123 · 03/04/2009 18:51

I would go and say something like "while i undersdtamd that my garden has more toys for your GC, it is my garden. Please can you teach them to put the toys back, and not to run though my clean washing. Also if i brong my son out,please can they let him play as it is my garden. If not, im going to put up a higher fence!
hth, t be honest what i would want to say is: can you please keep your horrible gc out of my garden, i pay for it and tbh i think you are rude as you never even asked, you selfish sods!!

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 03/04/2009 18:51

No we have the whole garden fenced off with a 4ft wooden fence, but i have a smaller metal fence that splits the garden in two, the half with the clothes poles and the other half that has ds toys and our table and chairs.

OP posts:
serenity · 03/04/2009 18:54

Then there's absolutely no excuse - they're deliberately trespassing, it's not like they're accidently wandering in then.

Firm word then, and I'd definitely look at padlocking the gate shut as an added emphasis.

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