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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the sleeping rough, drunk people

263 replies

fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 19:57

who accost me for spare change whenever I walk down the road with my two small children in tow. This happens at least 3 times a week.

I don't mean to generalise here and I know there are real genuine hard luck stories out there but these people do my head in.

If I have any spare change I will be spending it on my children thank you, not on your next Can of Special Brew or a contribution to your next wrap of Brown. Ask the single person in the smart suit or the well dressed young men coming out of the expensive bars that may be able to afford to help you out. Not a single mum with two small kids, pushing a falling to bits buggy.

Well am I?

OP posts:
Gorionine · 31/03/2009 21:40

X-posted, sorry DSM

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 21:40

Think she is reading them but her kindness and patience does not extend to a single mother with an ex abusive, alcoholic husband and a disabled child clearly.

OP posts:
Portoeufino · 31/03/2009 21:45

But fleur, who knows what kind of awful life the homeless people have had either. You can't expect them to treat you any differently, because they don't know your circumstances. Anymore than you should make judgements about them. Not saying they are all angels. Just keep walking.

GivePeasAChance · 31/03/2009 21:50

Fleur, you sound really sad about your situation and that is completely understandable. Just not sure the homeless are a good target for your frustrations................there must be better targets for your energy....

Thats how this comes across to me. I apologise if that is not the case.

Its just that the thread was not about your situation, it was about being pissed off with homeless people begging. The 2 were not related in 'thread' terms and I am sure noone would not be sympathetic to your situation on here.

noonki · 31/03/2009 21:56

well said givepeasAchance

surely there are other people more deserving of your pissed offness.

For example our rubbish care system from which a third of the homeless come from.

DSM · 31/03/2009 21:57

Fleur - with all due respect, please do not insinuate that I do not have compassion for someone in your situation.

Of course I do. My sister is severely disabled and I do not take kindly to you suggesting my 'kindness and patience' does not extend to people with disabled children

I just find it very sad that you don't seem to be able to extend the same compassion for others. Especially given that when walking past these homeless people to which you refer, you can quite blatantly see their problems, they cannot see yours.

I think you should be thankful for what you do have, rather than pissed off by people who have less.

dittany · 31/03/2009 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie · 31/03/2009 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Triggles · 01/04/2009 12:59

Think she is reading them but her kindness and patience does not extend to a single mother with an ex abusive, alcoholic husband and a disabled child clearly.

Wow. You've brought your specific situation up so many times, you're beginning to sound a bit bitter about it. You think you're the only one that has had to deal with these types of things? The phrase "get over yourself" pops to mind pretty quickly. So you've had a bit of a bum rap - welcome to life. So have many of these homeless people you are so annoyed at.

First of all, you don't want to know about their problems, so why should they care about yours? I doubt whether or not you are a single mum has even crossed their mind.

And ffs, do you honestly think that being a single mum (with all your extra baggage that you trot out like it's a get-out-of-jail free card) means you don't have to deal with the less-than-pleasant aspects of life anymore?

Wake up. There are tons of mums (and dads) on MN that have broken marriages, abusive ex's, are single mums, and have disabled children. They don't come on here and whinge that the nasty homeless people are picking on them because of their situation in life. Most of them are intelligent enough to be thankful they are not worse off themselves, and think "there but for the grace of god...." and politely say no (or give if they feel they want to).

You asked if YABU, and obviously some of us feel you are. Question answered, I'd say. If you're THAT concerned about it, wear a big flippin' placard around your neck saying "I'm a skint single mum with a broken marriage and a disabled child and can't afford to fund your addiction." You can wave it at anyone that looks remotely like they might approach you. Problem solved. Yeesh.

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 13:27

Wow. Well I've come to this late but wanted to say that I can empathise with the OP.

Where I work there are fairly large gangs of men around the tube station who are already pissed when I arrive for work every day. They come up waving cans of special brew and asking more money rather drunkenly and sometimes follow you down the street/ask you out etc.

I really don't want to get my purse out and give them money, I just say sorry and keep walking. I once offered one of them my packed lunch as he said he was hungry but he wouldn't take it and just followed me down the street instead.

When I was younger and smoked I always gave cigarettes which went down well. I do give money to homeless charities.

I can understand why the OP is upset at being accosted by drunk man after drunk man when out with her children. I wouldn't like it either. Frankly sometimes they are a bit scary. I know that they are addicted to alcohol and down on their luck etc but that doesn't mean I should have to like being harangued so often.

Is it any different to being accosted by a drunk man who is not homeless? Not really, and that can be pretty scary too.

Surfermum · 01/04/2009 13:35

People who are addicted to substances will sell their granny for their next bottle of whisky or fix, so I think it's unrealistic to expect a begging alcoholic/drug user to avoid asking someone who doesn't look like they may have much money, or someone who appears to have a lot on their plate.

pingping · 01/04/2009 16:13

YABU! They don't know that your a single mother...... And to be honest if I lived on the streets I would turn to drink special brew too its cheap and it gets you wankered On a real I am not shocked at the drunk homeless people and I am more than happy to give them change for them to spend it on whatever....

I tell you what gets my goat is when people are rude to them and treat homeless people like they are nothing

pingping · 01/04/2009 16:15

noonki I agree with the care system making young people homeless they did it to me if it wasn't for good friends I would of lived on the streets once you turn 18 and get a job they wash there hands of you...

pingping · 01/04/2009 16:17

CONGRATS HEDGEWITCH Hope you and baby are great

dilemma456 · 01/04/2009 16:37

Message withdrawn

JemL · 01/04/2009 16:48

Maybe your previous experiences have made you a bit cyncical, and as other people posting here haven't worked in this area, it is hard for us to understand your viewpoint.

Have to say though, a very good friend of mine works for Emmaus, and she gets very arsey when people talk about homeless people as all pissheads who spend their begging money on booze and drugs...so I am a bit surprised at your attitude, normally people with frontline experience get very annoyed at such stereotypes.

In my opinion, yanbu to get a bit fed up with being harassed, especially if it is aggressive but yabu to think that being a single mum, etc, should protect you from it.

Ripeberry · 01/04/2009 16:57

In the countryside there is quite a lot of homelesness. There is a man in the next village (must be in his 70s) who just wanders around in an old tracksuit and begs for money and stands in the middle of the road.
I later found out that he had a four bedroom cottage in the village but he did not like being cooped up. Very sad.

onagar · 01/04/2009 17:30

Why do homeless people need to beg for money?

Sounds daft I know and maybe the rules have changed, but I was (briefly) homeless once. I slept outside for a few nights while I worked out what to do. I went to the social security and they gave me an emergency payment and would have continued to give me money weekly if I had stayed homeless. I went to the council and they found me a hostal for a few nights. After that I found a place to stay and a job and eventually got things sorted out.

Do they not give benefits to homeless people any more?

I've never understood about cardboard bozes either. If you got any money (from benefits or from begging) surely you'd get a cheap sleeping bag and maybe even a light tent.

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 17:52

I thought you can't sign on if you don't have an address? Perhaps it's not widely known that you can get financial help if homeless?

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 18:25

I think there is an issue if you are addicted to drugs/booze in that a lot of the hostels don't want you doing it on their premises. And so as a lot of people are addicts they can't really get in there.

I also think that my drunken friends at the tube station aren't all homeless - it's kind of like a place to hang out. I think maybe people assume that people are homeless sometimes when they aren't.

There are different issues here about homelessness, street begging and drunk people aggressively begging.

JemL for what it's worth I think the OP is able to judge whether a man walking up to her on the street is drunk or not, as am I. The cans of special brew, booze on breath and staggering are a bit of a giveaway. Not sure how that is stereotyping. It's just true. And is can be intimidating and unpleasant to be approached, followed, shouted at etc. When is happens day in day out, well I can see where the OP is coming from.

Surfermum · 01/04/2009 18:28

I work in this field JemL and it's not made me cynical - it's given me a much greater understanding about people who are homeless and have addictions. And you're right - I hate it when they get stereotyped.

catinthehat1 · 01/04/2009 18:55

Well I've come to this late, but this was an A1 Mumsnet feeding frenzy. Lots of points on my Bullshit Bingo card so thanks, well done all.

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 18:58

erm, you're welcome.

"all"? "all"

catinthehat1 · 01/04/2009 19:07

(all who gave me the points Hecate)

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 19:13

ah, that's ok then

where can i get a bullshit bingo card and what's the jackpot?

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