Hi Stars
Still rooting for you like everyone else.
Just thinking about the impact on your H, but only because you are expressing concern about that.
First of all, I echo what has been said here, you do not owe him anything.
However, putting aside the fact that I personally wouldn't give a shit about him...
It is pretty clear from what you have posted that as well as being a nasty aggressive bully
(a) he is an alcoholic
(b) he is in total denial of this.
Earlier in the thread you talked about him saying to you that you needed a wake up call.
I dispute this. It is him that needs a wake up call. In the long term, his heavy drinking is going to do him no favours emotionally or physically. More than that, as well as leading him on a path to self-destruction, his drinking is already having a harmful impact on the people around him.
No one can change an alcoholic's behaviour other than themselves. To change their behaviour, they have to admit that they have a problem. If an alcoholic doesn't have any reason or incentive to take a good, hard, cold look at themselves, they are very, very unlikely to change.
Your DH coming home and finding you and your DC gone will give him a shock, but frankly, he needs a shock. You going will give him the opportunity to look at his behaviour and give him an opportunity to change.
Now, he may well squander this opportunity and become more self-pitying, worse etc - but the fact is you will have given him the opportunity to address his life and sort himself out - and facing some harsh, home truths will take him further down the road to recovery, even if that road includes some hefty dips on the way (and those dips are not your problem - it's a journey he needs to make on his own. If he needs support there is AA).
Right now, he can deflect what he is doing to himself by blaming you and using you as an emotional punchbag. Removing the emotional punchbag means that he has to look to himself and his behaviour.
Again, you owe him nothing, but in fact by leaving you are ultimately, long term doing him a favour.
I agree, please don't sit down and discuss this with him, even with a third party there. He is unpredictable, he has made threats to you in the past. It is not safe. If you want to explain, leave him a letter. If you talk, he will not listen/he will shout you down etc. With a letter there is more chance of being heard, and a letter after you have moved out gives you and your DC a chance to get to safety.
I'm only posting this and showing any concern about your H because you have been expressing doubts and guilt around this. I repeat, I'm not actually at all concerned about your DH. He has brought this all on himself and doesn't deserve pity. The main priority is you and your DC - and actually you do matter!!! The shit he has been feeding you is making you think that you don't but you do.
Stay safe. Stay strong. We are all behind you.