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Original poster

To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

1004 replies

starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 15:42

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

OP posts:
theDreadPirateRabbits · 02/04/2009 19:36

Hey all - sorry I haven't been back and that you were worried. As Stars said, we talked this afternoon. I've confirmed that I am in a position to go and get her if she needs me, and asked her to at least text me if she can't post any day on here (cos we're all worried now!).

Stars - I meant it all, and you should call any time you need, even if just for another chat. You're so close to breaking away now. Phone Womens Aid again in the morning, even though it means telling your story to someone new, if it also means never having to spend another weekend with H.

xx

HerNameWasLola · 02/04/2009 19:55

PUSH Stars PUSH! Please do it tomorrow, for yourself and for your children. Otherwise how much longer will this go on? You've been posting about his abuse in one form or another for years now, why would he stop now when he never has before? Please just get out. Go tomorrow. There will never be a time when it feels easy, get it done, then it will be behind you and you can start to look to a future which doesn't involve being scared every time the man who is supposed to love you more than anyone walks through the door.

A big PUSH from Hampshire to help you on your way! Good luck lovely lady.

Original poster
starsnstripes · 02/04/2009 20:01

DS has been bugging me to ring up H and find out when he is coming home.
I was reluctant to ring him .
I wish I had'nt now.

He said he would be home in 20 mins and sounded really grumpy.
DS wanted to speak to him so passed the phone over.
Then when I took the phone back H said stop playing games ,what are you doing getting the children to ring me.
i told him DS wanted to see him before bedtime.
He went on say its nearly their bedtime.
i explained they were waiting to see him and he just shouted get them to bed.
He said he was not going to stand in the middle of town arguing with me and when he gets in he does not want another night like last night.

OP posts:
dittany · 02/04/2009 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theDreadPirateRabbits · 02/04/2009 20:10

Time to go. It's not going to get better, it's going to get more dangerous

Horton · 02/04/2009 20:24

Please go, stars. Take the help that's been offered and just take the plunge and do it. Please.

MrsFogi · 02/04/2009 20:27

Fine if it's your job you'd better work out what you are contracted to do and work to rule.

pigglemama · 02/04/2009 20:32

Hi Stars, this is my first post to you and wanted to add my support.
My Mother was in a similar relationship with my Father and as a child I used to pray that she would leave him & take us anywhere else, she never did though & finally after 23years of marriage, he left her, she is now with a man who worships the ground she walks on & I can't tell you how happy & relieved I am for her.
I just wanted to say please reconsider the womens refuge, as they will protect you and offer support in the early days/weeks, putting you in touch with legal advice, as well as helping to sort benefits and other services too, it also means that if your H hits the roof, you will be safe.
I've worked in a women's refuge previously and they really are quite nice places! + its somewhere you really will be able to relax & feel safe while you get yourself sorted.
Big hug x

Original poster
starsnstripes · 02/04/2009 20:33

The children are in bed.
he is now ranting at me because he wants to know where his new cashcard is.
He is pulling everything out saying is it in this pile of shit here.

He accused me of hiding his fucking mail now.

Hr then found it and said why did;nt tell me it had come just shows where you are right now.

He has just gone upstairs and gave me the famous dirty look pointing his finger saying what the fuck are you playing at.

Am quickly posting this and will sign off as he will probably come down again in aminute

OP posts:
girlandboyWantsMoreEasterEggs · 02/04/2009 20:52

I think this latest episode tells you what you have to do.

Being alone with your children in a new place can't be worse than this.

Just think how free you will feel. This atmosphere is not healthy for you or your children.

dittany · 02/04/2009 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notsualmnname · 02/04/2009 21:03

I've been in a similar situation, i was debating over what to do for a long time. I should have just left though, because he ended up getting arrested for rape. I could have left before, but I always hoped something would happen to make it easier to end it, or he would change. Really do just leave now. I think about what happened everyday and still get really upset about it sometimes, it effects me in loads of ways. Things were really bad anyway, but the night he was arrested totally sent me over te edge for quite a long time.

clam · 02/04/2009 21:06

Just what are you getting from this existence? Does he have any redeeming features that make you want to stay? You've said previously that he's a good dad. Sorry, But I don't see that from what you've posted. A good dad doesn't mind when his kids call him coz they want a chat. Or fall down so drunk they're incapable of reading them a story. Or belittle, insult and swear at their mother.
There is a whole better life waiting for you out there. When you're ready.

notsualmnname · 02/04/2009 21:06

meant to change my name to notusualmnname for this, but missed the U in usual.

Oh and for the 'what is holding you back?' comment, to me it was partly taking responsibility for myself. If you are putting up with emotional and other abuse you are not used to making decisions for yourself. But I hope that you can make this decision and leave before it gets worse.

Original poster
starsnstripes · 02/04/2009 21:14

He came back down and made a point of opeining the oven door looking for dinner.
I told him me and the children had snacks as they had a cooked dinner at school today.
He said I had dinner in town anyway .

He then kept on about his new bank card accusing me of hiding it up.

He then went on to say "you are lucky I had some money in my pocket."
"Go and get some treatment,you are so far gone"
"Do not open any of my letters ever again,do not fuck around with my money"

I was standing my the cupbaord and he opened the top cupboard and I asked him to be careful he nearly hit me on the head with the door.
He reckons I need to be hit on the head to wake me up.

Sorry for writing all this he said stuff but it will be useful to record on here as I may forget.

I am now sat here hoping he has gone to sleep with the lounge door ajar in case he comes down again whilst I am typing this.

OP posts:
Servalan · 02/04/2009 21:19

I've been following this thread and like many other people posting here, I am really worried about you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this shit and I hope you find the strength to get out as soon as possible. It sounds like you are doing lots of positive things in that direction.

I can understand why you are worried about your children's reactions. My feeling from what I've read is that even if in the short term they are upset by moving away from their father, in the long term you will be doing them a huge favour by getting them out of this toxic environment. You sound like a fantastic mother. Caring, there for them, supportive, with their best interests at heart.

Nothing I have read so far about your H suggests that he is any of those things. Most Dads would be delighted to take a phone call from their DC when they were out - and as for drunken story reading and the way your DC see him treating their mother...

You have lots of support here. I bet there are loads of other people who have been following the thread without posting yet who are rooting for you too.

theDreadPirateRabbits · 02/04/2009 21:20

Come on Stars - time to go - please? If you don't want me to pick you up, Womens Aid can arrange transport I'm told.

Please?

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 02/04/2009 21:20

please get out. nothing matters more than the safety of you and your kids. Don't wait for him to hit you before you make a move. Because that punch is coming. Can't you see it?

Servalan · 02/04/2009 21:23

Cross posted.

It sounds like he's getting worse.

You and your DC deserve better than this

CKelpie · 02/04/2009 21:23

Why is he making a point about dinner if he has already eaten? How contrary is that?

How dare he say those things to you. He doesn't realise what a fool he is.

Tidey · 02/04/2009 21:25

Nobody on here wants to read or find out that something really awful has happened to you. What you've gone through already is bad enough.

Please please get out of this horrible situation now.

clam · 02/04/2009 21:28

So, if he'd already eaten in town, what was the point of opening the oven as if to look for dinner? If not just to try to make a point of you not having cooked and therefore being an unfit housewife? He's behaving just like JR Ewing, with his mindgames and "you're an unfit mother, S'wellin."
Wanker.

clam · 02/04/2009 21:29

X posts Kelpie!

theQuibbler · 02/04/2009 21:30

Stars - what do you want? Do you want to leave or do you want to stay and somehow have things become magically better? Really ask yourself the questions, because it is important.

Because, none of these posts can make you leave, no outside pressure can (or should) make you leave. You have to go because you want to, because you feel that it is the better option.

Women in abusive (and he IS abusive) stay for all sorts of reasons, but they leave for just one. Because they understand that they have a choice.

You will have support even if you decide to stay, you're not letting anyone down. Keep talking to WA, keep thinking about your choices, keep thinking about what is best for you children, think about what is best for you.

And stay away from him. Don't engage - he's spoiling for a fight, don't go there. Stay safe, please.

CKelpie · 02/04/2009 21:37

Clam, you are absolutely right - he is the man Larry Hagman and the script writers based that character on.
It's him, all him doing the damage.

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