To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

[starsnstripes]

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

Please don't discuss with him. Do everything via womens aid!!!!!

Stars it's a long time since we heard from you - are you ok?

DreadPirate - if you've heard from Stars can you update us?

Please god stars DON'T talk to him you will be in an even more vulerable position (as will your children).

I think that you want to see the best in him, the man that you married, BUT the man you describe to us, the one you have to live with and creep around on eggshells- to make sure that he doesn't erupt, is not the kind of man that will respond well to a calm logical debate about your future.

Please do it tomorrow, I was driving along today, listening to thought for the day and you were my thought, I was praying for you to get out safely with your children.

Yes I know it's so easy for us to sit miles and miles away, to say go but you are going to need to be the one to be so brave. Please think really hard about leaving tomoorrow. Really what IS stopping you?

I've just started ML and have nothing on for the next few days that can't be easily cancelled. If you want I will get in my car and drive to you to get you out of there. I feel so on your behalf, but, sorry, the thought of you thinking you need to ask his permission to take the kids, or even to leave yourself, makes me with you. Sorry again about that, but, really, WTF!

I've a friend who had problems with her exH and every time she made excuses about his behaviour I got angry with her too. She thanks me for it now!!

Please, please let us know you're ok. DreadPirate, any news?

I keep checking in and hoping that no news is good news...

Stars, I hope all is well with you this evening.

Thinking of you and hoping you have the strength to go...very soon.

Just wanted to repeat myself:-

Worst case scenario if you don't tell him and you run away = you feel a bit silly for overreacting.

Worst case scenario if you do tell him = he hurts you or the children.

If you do tell him and he lets you leave, he might then turn against you and prevent you seeing the children.

Blimey Stars, whatever you do don't tell him. Just up and leave with your children.

Do this as soon as you can.
Do not leave your children behind.

I really hope that your absence from here this afternoon is because you've already left.

DreadPirate, did you manage to get in touch? Do you know what is happening, if anything?

You know, it's possible that he has no idae of quite how badly he's behaving. In which case, it's going to take action of this magnitude to shock him into acknowledgement.
Why don't you film/record him? If you can do so without antagonising him. Perhaps if he watched himself whilst sober he might realise...

Er... no offence meant to you Clam, but have you actually read all of this thread?
It's way past that point as unfortunately, there's no way filming him won't antagonise him.

Yeah, I suppose. Stupid suggestion. Maybe a couple of years back?
Although yes I have read it all. And I am very worried for her too.

I've just noticed, DreadPirate has not been on since lunchtime either. Didn't she say she lived in the same county? Let's hope this is good sign... or am I just being too hopeful for Stars.

I stayed up til 1am last night reaading this thread.

I didn't realise what it was about until I started and am truly apalled at all the things you have had to put up with over the years.

Despite the verbal battering he has give you, I can tell you are so brave and strong still.

I really, truly hope that you put your children first and get them away from his nastiness which must be creating a crushing atmosphere in your house.

You must have forgotten what life feels like without the tension and pressure. You and your children deserve a chance to feel that life again.

For god's sake don't tell him you are leaving and please, please don't abandon your children to him. They need you to protect them.

I so very much hope you are ok.

Oh goodness, has she gone to get her? Oh please let it be that.

Stars usually posts at this time of day I've noticed, it seems to get some moral support before her H comes home. I don't know whether the fact that she hasn't posted is a good sign or not.

Now I'm torn between dread and hope/excitement for Stars.

oh i hope so...

I hope we get an update soon. Come on stars and dreadpirate.... let's hope that she's escaped...

Sorry everyone,did'nt mean to worry you, only just back online.

I had a really good talk with dreadpirate this afternoon ,she is very kind to take the time out to talk to me.

As I said to her and please don't be angry with me I still need to get things straight in my head.

I stll have so many things going round in my head.

I would never leave the children behind.
That is'nt an option.
I will not tell him what I am planning but am still stupidly feeling bad at just leaving without telling him.

He would never hurt the children.

I am making myself re read all my old threads even they are painful to read,and hopingthey along with everyone on here will give me the push I need.

H is not home as yet and have resisted the urge to phone him and ask when he will be for dinner as I would have done in the past.

Not angry, just happy to hear from you!

And, PUSH - don't make me come round there and do it in person !

Please don't feel bad about leaving without telling him. Do you think he feels an ounce of shame about the way he treats you? No. This has been going on too long.

Glad you and dreadpirate are in contact in RL. You've got another support there.

We'll all come round - we could push you round the world and back!

Seriously though, good to know you're ok. Don't phone him, just get that stuff packed for tomorrow. And don't feel bad, just feel confident about what you're about to do. We're all thinking about you.

Stars no-one is angry with you, I think everyone understands what a huge step this would be for you after being so much under your H's control for so long.

Here is a PUSH from me too, I really really do hope that you can find the resolve you need in order to leave and make a fresh start free from abuse and anger.

I'm glad you are ok.

But I think you are underestimating the effect on your children of seeing him treat you so badly.

It must be so hard for them to witness the hurt he is causing you but they can't do anything to help, other than offer you a hug or a kiss.

I hope you feel strong enough soon, I'm so worried for you and your little ones.