To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

[starsnstripes]

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

Sorry,am still here.
Been busy with the children
They are out playing out now.

My anxiety and going out is getting batter all the time the more confident I get and stay positive it helps a lot.
With all this to worry about at the moment I don't have time to worry about going out if that makes sense.

Thanks for the hug flibberty,could really do with one.

Will make a note of all the emails you have kindly given me.

Am reassured by the posts by people who say it was best their parents split in the long run.
I still wonder if i should'nt stick it out for their sakes and forgo my own happiness.

Music is my saviour.
I put it on as soon as I get up and have it on nearly all day.
Have just bought some new CD's actually to dance around to.

Flibberty-that comment you got from work has reminded me of an incident last week.
I was in a taxi going into town and the driver was chatting away about his girlfriend. Saying they were going for a walk after he finshed work and she always made him a nice cup of tea when he got in.
He then went on to say it used to be down the pub after work but am 30 now so felt it was time to act responsibly.
I nearly broke down then as was thinking why can't I be with someone who thinks like that.

girlandboy-thanks for the info om the womans aid,very interesting.

I think I will put more stuff by at my sisters.
Photos etc that can't be replaced.

I have my own account so no problem there.
Although child tax credit goes into H's account.

Stars: once you have got away from this abusive man the tax credits should come to you, not him: this is something else women's aid and the CAB can help you to sort out.

Stars. I haven't wanted to add my full story on here, as it's all still a bit raw, 5 and a half years later. I also don't want to scare you with horror stories. The only reason I'm sharing it with you and the other people here, on this thread, is that I want you to see the urgency of you making this move and quickly

A good friend of mine from school was murdered by her partner back in 2003. She was living a similar existence to you for ages, and had finally started to put her life back together. I'll post the link to the article as it tells the story far more succinctly than I can. She was a brilliant, vibrant, sunny person and this man destroyed her.

Please listen to all advice on here. I know that you are making steps, which is great, but I would make it your mission to be out of there as soon as you can. Use the Easter holidays to make your move.

Wishing you all the love and luck in the world.

I have got another e mail address but am worried he would look at it.

I am happy to e mail someome my location.

Horton-your message from your DH made me sob.
I fear that will never be my situation.

Not sure if i would still be entitled to child tax credit as am not working.

that story is scary INMCN-I suspose everyone thinks that will never happen to me.

H has just rung,he never calls me.
He asked when the school holidays are as he was thinking of taking some time off to be at home.

Stars, why don't you aim for Friday? if the kids have 2 weeks off then, it'll be a perfect opportunity to give you time to settle somewhere before they need to start school again. I'm shaking at the thought of your H being at home during the holidays. Please try to be out of there by then. That'll give you tomorrow and Friday morning to gather everything you need, then collect the kids from school on Friday and head for the refuge.

Yes stars, you'll get tax credits. Others too. I'll add my email to the list too if you want to know more or get extra support. It's [email protected].

I don't think that Sammy thought it would happen to her either. She hid the way he was treating her for ages, from her friends and her family. She did make the move, but wasn't brave enough to cut off all contact completely as she felt her DD deserved to have some contact with her father.

I know that your situations are different, though I hear echoes of her story in what you have posted on here. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive for years and drank too much He hadn't become physically violent much, bar a bit of pushing and shoving.

The night he killed her, she was asleep in her bed. They hadn't argued, he was sleeping the booze and drugs off downstairs on the sofa. He took a bread knife from the kitchen, stabbed her 10 times and then cut her throat in front of her 18 month old DD.

I am NOT saying this is going to happen to you. But only wanted to share my story in the hopes that it might make things clearer. I felt so bad that no one had stepped in to give Sammy the support that she needed before she died. I wanted to do the same for someone else.

Keep strong. You need to move quickly if he's intending to be around over the holidays.

Where is your nearest refuge?

Stars, I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sorry. I just meant that that's what you deserve, not this nasty surly man who gets at you for running out of bread (who doesn't, sometimes?!) and makes you feel like crap. I hope you can find the strength to leave.

Stars - I agree that Friday would be a brilliant day to go. Gives you tomorrow to get loads of stuff round to your sisters - all your favourite pictures and CDs (tell H you're cleaning like he wanted), and best loved toys and clothes. Bung them into pillowcases and you've got familiar bedding too.

Then you can agree to 'family' days with H over the holidays, secure in the knowledge that you won't be there.

Also look at www.entitledto.com for info on what tax credits and benefits you'll be entitled to - but Womens Aid will be able to go through this with you as well. Did you talk to them today? If not, then first thing tomorrow, then get the stuff over to your sister's. Please please please

When he comes home tonight you can of course seem happy that he is thinking of taking some time off in the hols. You could say that it will do you good to spend time with him as a family.
I am so paranoid - you don't think he is checking on here do you?

Ineedmorechocolatenow........dear god,that's horrific! What are the statistics? Something like 2 women a week killed by the hands of partners last I knew! I used to be a police officer before DC , and saw terrible things too. Never a murder like that tho!

Stars, what are you going to do? Have you decided on Friday? Like everyone else, I think it's a fab idea.

Stars, you are doing so well, you have come a long way in the last few days.

I urge you to get out of there by the weekend though, he seems to know something's up. I wouldn't have thought he's discovered this thread, if he had he would know we've all been urging you to get out asap so he would probably a lot more proactive in making sure you were not left alone this week, like faking illness or something.

He's obviously noticed a change in you and it's probably dawned on him that you might just take the children and leave. I bet it wouldn't occur to him in a million years that you might go to a refuge though. In his head he does't see there's anything to 'escape' from. I think it's more likely he expects you to go to your sisters or something. I do not know this though, I'm only guessing. The quicker you leave, the better.

You can register for a new email address so easily these days. I would reccommend, if you haven't already got one, to open an email account with yahoo or hotmail. You have to log in each time to retrieve your mail, using a password. You can do it from any computer, and even from some mobile phones. (Sorry if you already know this, but you seem worried he might read you email, so I wondered if you had a windows based email.)

I'm adding my email on here, maybe if updating on here becomes tricky for a bit, it would be easier for you to send a quick group email or something?

taliah_rose at yahoo dot co dot uk

I now want to be very unmumsnet-ish and also give you a ((((()))))

You are brilliant, and one day you will actually come to see this for yourself!

Can you set up another email now? Like starsnstripes at hotmail or something. One he definitely won't know and make sure it doesn't remember your password so he can't get in that way either. Might be helpful to see who's local to you, especially if you're moving on Friday (fingers crossed you will do, it's got to be the best time to go)

I just had a horrible thought. Is it out of character for him to want to have time at home during the holidays? Is it at all possible that he could be thinking of taking the kids to his parents'? If that's a possibility, please get out before the weekend. Don't give him a chance.

Yes, definitely get out before the school holidays, Stars. Even before I read vacaloca's post, I was also thinking that he may try to pull a stunt like this to make you think it isn't that bad but spend the time abusing you instead - if he kept any promise to take holiday at all, which I doubt he would.

I'd suggest during the last day of school before half term, while he's at work, at the very latest, but much preferably before. Apologies if this has been mentioned before, but when are the school holidays for your DCs? If they're anything like ours, we're talking tomorrow.

How are you this evening Stars? I hope things are reasonable for you with H - if he's sober and behaving I can understand you not being able to post

Please make phoning Womens Aid, and doing some packing, your priority tomorrow? And let us know how it's going. You've heard some scary stories on here, but also some pretty uplifting ones - you can be in the uplifting category too

Have just come back online.
H got in at 7 after going to the pub ,he got the bus home but had not had too much drink.
He seemed quite calm.
Then he wanted to watch the football and the children were playing me up upstairs so aske dif he would come and help me out.
He told me to deal with it and said I was showing my weakness and that is where I am going wrong.

Children now in bed and he was in the kitchen so went in to get a drink and shouted why are you in here.
I told him and he said can't you wait ,stop hovering around me.

He has now gone up to bed.

I just can't see myself being ready for friday,in my head I am not ready if that makes sense.

The entitlement site was helpful although not sure what to put n for rent,council tax and don't know what that would be yet.

My nearest refuge is about 15 miles away in a city where my sister lives.

Horton-was not your fault,I cry at the slightest things at the moment.

I have a yahoo e mail address already and another one he does'nt know the password for.
But he has windows xp on his desktop and that is linked to my laptop.
I could e mail someone my exact location and then they could forward it on,not sure how to do group e mails.

I don't think he would take the children to his mothers.
For one he would'nt want them knowing or to burden them

I will womans aid again tomorrow,promise.

He has'nt mentioned the school holidays again only that it is his birthday on monday and was sulking because it was'nt written on the calender.
He said to DS no one cares anyway.
Which is ironic when you read the thread lin ked on here with what happened last year on his birthday.

I still have some other nicknames to search for.
Can't believe there is so many.
Am feeling a bit silly at posting under so many differeent names but was embarrassed at using the same one as people would think why is she still with him?

I was thinking his birthday's coming up soon - and hoping you wouldn't be there for it...

You can be ready to leave - you don't need much - yourself, your DCs, and your sanity! Everything else is just icing on the cake.

Let us know after the call to Womens Aid? And the refuge near your sister sounds absolutely perfect to get you back on your feet.

Am happy to post more links if you give me more nicknames.

And (don't tell anyone but) ((((((((hug))))))))

I can't offer any more advice as I agree with everyone who's saying you should leave asap but I just wanted to offer my support.

I've been reading this thread and remember you posting about his b'day last year - it makes me feel sick just reading about it so I can't imagine how you cope living it. You must be a very strong woman and your children are lucky to have you as a mum.

Leave asap for all your sakes - you can do it. As others have said, it would be better to leave than carry on with things the way they are.

Thanks dreadpirate-am just looking now.

That other nickname was actually

ISHOULDKNOWBETTER

Not sure how I am going to print this thread off yet.

x posts
thanks dundermifflin-I don't feel very strong at the moment but keep telling myself I have dealt over the years with my mothers,fathers,and brothers deaths.
DS's special needs,and anxiety issues.

This sure as hell is'nt going to break me!!

hello, i have been following your thread from the start, didn't have anything to say that hadn't already been said. But I wanted to know you have my support, and can only reinforce what the others have said. I am actually feeling scared for you now, the things you have said are very worrying. You need to be safe and you deserve better.

Good luck

drinking on ex's wedding anniversary

(are you spotting a pattern to my link names? )

Stars I have been lurking and following and praying you are getting out. You need to do this soon. When I was in uni a girl I worked with suddenly became the guardian of a 3 year old girl when her best friend was attacked by her partner. She had been talking about leaving for ages but always talked herself out of it.

Would you want your daughter to put up with what you are going through? Would you stand by and let someone treat her like that? By staying you are teaching her that it is perfectly alright to be treated like crap.

You are FAR stronger than you think. You CAN do this - you adn your children deserve much much better. Please leave as soon as you can. All your worries can be dealt with from a distance - just GO!