To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

[starsnstripes]

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

Those sound really nice aims - and entirely reasonable aims. I'm looking forward to the thread next March (or earlier) to let us all know that you've achieved them

So - drinking at the pub and taxi home - he is clearly being careful of his outgoings

His email he sent today reminded me something my ex used to do.
He treated me like crap most of the time but if I was ill, or needy for some reason, he would come over all soft and 'love me'. Because he preferred it when I was helpless and dependent on him and that made him feel like he loved me in those situations.
Does that make sense?
So you've been to the docs and the doc has said you might have depression, husband goes into 'aw she's helpless and needy so I love her' mode.
But its worrying me that knowing you've been to the doctors today he still goes to the pub and I hope he's not going to go off at you about it as soon as he gets in.

Having been in the 'eggshells' situation for a couple ofyears I'd suggest just saying 'oh they want me to pop back for a blood test next week just to rule out anything serious from the headaches'. Let him think you are worried your doctor thinks you've got a brain tumour or something. That way he might be a bit 'nicer'.

And btw my ex really honestly beleived that he loved me. When I left he was so shocked, and had a fortnight off with stress because he could not cope without me.
However at the same time he had changed the locks the day after I went, and then a week later a neighbour rang to say he appeared to be having a bonfire
So the clothes I stood up in when I left were all I got out of my house cos what he didn't burn I think he sold but I couldn't get back in the house to get anything and he just said he put it all on the bonfire.

God its shit talking about all this. I want to cry because the situation I am talking about is so horrible and then I have to remind myself, my god it was ME.

Am a bit concerned about going the womans aid route.
Would the council re house me do you think as I could not stay in this house?

I am looking forward to, it will be such a relief.
I just want it all over with now.

I have to keep pinchimg myself reading this thread that this about me,it's scary.

Well he came in at 7.50 and wanted to know why the children were'nt in bed.
He yanked the plugs from the socket for the TV and my laptop and told me to get them to bed.

I just took them and read their stories to get them out of the way.

I came down and asked him why he was so late.
He got aggressive and said "don't question me"

He said it was my job to get the children to bed so I stood up to him and asked what his job was.
"To go out to work and feed you"

But I told him he could be home at 5pm so why was'nt he.
He did'nt answer .
"So said you have no answer for that do you?

His reply
"I have plenty of answers for you don't worry"

He has gone up ot bed now,and after his concerned e mail today he did'nt ask anything else at all about the doctors.

You suddenly sound a bit excited Stars, and a bit positive too! - you are looking forward to something - and I have the feeling that you haven't done that for a while

Sounds like he's up to something. All these thinly-veiled threats about wake-up calls and answers for you. What's he working towards?
Anyway, you have your own agenda now. Wonder if he'll make the first move. And what on earth was that strangely conciliatory email all about today? When he'd clearly forgotten about it later on. Although he'd been in the pub inbetween, presumably.

I take it he's vile whether or not he's been drinking? So we can't "just" blame it on the alcohol. (no excuse, I know).

Stars.....you will be put on the homeless list. You can go on one housing association or council list as officially homeless. My friend was in a nice hostel here(bedfordshire) and was re-housed in 3 months. You will be top of the list as you are fleeing dv. Take all the help that's offered. You'll get lots. I was lucky and got a really nice house in a lovely village. No reason why you can't acheive the same. Go for it, he sounds really horrible tonight. You are worth so much more.

I am feeling more positive and sure I am doing the right thing.
Tonight just comfirmed that.

I wonder what he is up to as well.
He had been to the pub but was not that drunk so even more frightning really.

I don't know what he does in the pub who he talks to ,nothing.

I had rang him earlier but he hardly ever answers his phone.

I just could'nt believe after that e mail and I had done nothing wrong in the mean time that his mood towards me had changed so quickly.

x posts.

That gives me some hope re the housing.
I hope it can be that easy for me.

Stars - would it be worse that you are coping with at the moment even if it did take 6 mo?

I suspose not,it just worries me.

This could be my paranoia setting in but I heard a loud bang upstairs.
H came down and I asked what the noise was.

He snapped at me and said that it was just the toilet seat and does'nt need a major investigation.

Why use the words major investigation.

I was thinking is he reading my posts on mumsnet or is he referring to the doctors today.

Stars - does he know that you are on MN?

He knows I go on mumsnet yes.

Stars are you ok?

Hi,yes am fine.
Just sat here thinking if he has seen my posts on here.
But then I can't imagine he would be able to hold back from saying something if he had.

Might expalin why he yanked the plug from the laptop earlier.

Does he know your mn name stars? Or could he guess at all

Ilove - has she vanished suddenly??? I just logged on and caught up..

Stars don't panic yourself, just keep being careful with passwords etc.

Do a name change if you think he could guess your mn name.

I know you say it would explain him pulling the plug, but the way you described it I read it as him thinking 'WTF is she doing sat on the laptop with the TV on when she should be putting the children to bed and behaving like a good little wifey'.

No,don't think stars has vanished. I think she's a little cautious tonight as dh is acting weird.

fair do's, the tone of her last message worried me. I don't have any real advice to give so have been keeping quiet, but seems things are more sinister now?

My ex was violent and there are comparisons...

Hope u r ok stars...

Echoing all thats gone before, but have no practical advice to give, other than supporting you and to say I am thinking of you. Be careful stars, and hope you are ok.

Sorry,am back and am fine.
He kept coming back downstairs again so logged off for a while.

He would'nt guess my mn name but am careful to log out everytime I am on here and delete the browsing history.

He was probably just mad that the children were'nt in bed so unplugged the laptop.

Shit! is all i can say
I have seen quite a few comparisons between yourself and my partners sister a few years ago. But I must say now that she is happy again her children are happy again, She has a new partner who is lovely.She only has one regret-that she didn't leave him years earlier
My thoughts are with you you can do this and come out the other side a happier person. Take care

I hope I can do this.

Am just feeling numb this morning.

I have been reflecting on his words last night and can't believe he seemed angry with me for going the doctors.
Whether he is annoyed because it is taking steps to getting help I don't know.
Or he is worried what I will say.
How can a husband be angry that their wife is having a hard time at the moment ,a husband should be supportive and realise that I am worried.

Maybe "I have some answers for you" is his way again of thinking he knows best and I don't need the doctor.

It is boarding on cruelty to be nice to me through that e mail and then to come home and complety turn it around and mix everything up again and be nasty.

Morning Starsnstripes

If I were you I wouldn't be thinking too hard about what's going on with him, going on in his mind, he has major issues, you could spend the next fifty years of your life trying to analyse what's going on with him but never find out.

Now is the time to be thinking about yourself, focussing on you and your children and your plans for getting out of there. That's where all you energy should be going. The more you think about him the more power you are giving over and the less you are giving to yourself. He isn't worth it, you are!!

Stay strong and stay focussed,you are doing great so far

Yes I agree with Time, don't bother trying to figure out what's going on with him; it'll just take up valuable head space that you need right now to sort out your escape route. As Time says, you will never figure him out anyway, so why waste time trying? In fact, you don't need to figure him out, just really concentrate on being careful that he doesn't know what you're planning and concentrate on the PLAN.
IMO I wouldn't bother arguing with him anymore; why pull him up about why he was late home? You know it's not going to change his behaviour; he'll still come back late; it just means you have a row; why bother?
JUst smile to yourself that you are going to be away soon. Though don't hint that this is the case or appear smug or let him see you smiling! I meant smile inwardly! you don't want to arouse suspicions. I just mean having almighty blowouts about his bevaviour isn't going to get you anywhere.
Have you spoken to Women's Aid yet? Please make this PLAN a priority.