To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

[starsnstripes]

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

Was thinking along those lines too balloonslayer. Funny how we can second guess these men when we've been through it ourselves!

Stars.....sounds like you aren't ready yet to go.....are you waiting for another incident to happen?

Stars - I wouldn't. It sounds as though it would just antagonise him. I would be rather vague about the whole thing. There is the Doctor/patient confidentiality... FWIW, dh hasn't got a clue when I last had a smear test (reminds me, must ring up and find out when I'm due to go) - that's something that I don't feel the need to share with him .

As I mentioned it, I thought I'd better reply: my gut instinct would be not to mention any more about the appointment and just watch his reaction. I think he is worried, and if you tell him anything you have said to the GP I feel he will try to turn it against you.

I do think that at the next appointment you should tell your Doctor everything.

But I have not been through this - I think the advice of the posters who have is worth more than mine.

Stars, don't tell your Husband. Work on a need to know basis only.

There's also no harm in sorting everything out, even if things do get better. My sister once asked me to banks some money for her. It was her 'escape money' as they were going through a tough patch and it was her DH's second marriage, he was drinking a lot and she wanted to be sure things would be OK for her and her DD. Fifteen years later they are still happily married. She got the money back when he stopped drinking and the marriage was back on firmer grounds.

I will see if he comes straight home or if he still goes for one drink.
That will speak volumes.
Will see how the rest of the week pans out.
But deep down have made my mind up.

I had thought I would'nt tell him that I mentioned him.
I don't know what his reaction would be and don't want to risk it.

That's what worries me.
If I say too much to the GP it could go againest me.
He has already made references in the past to be being unhinged and this would confirm it.
I don't want to come across to the GP that I am not coping.

No,I don't belong to a church I'm afraid.

But am sure my family would rally round and help out where they could.

Stars,your're I east anglia area. Will you be wanting to stay local? Have you given any thought to 'this time next year I want to be.....'? It's good to have some sort of aim in mind .

Your GP records are confidential. Your husband isn't medically qualified so the "you are unhinged" comment holds no water at all. Your depression (if that's what it is) is a perfectly normal response to being in an intolerable situation and under great stress. It confirms your side of the story rather than his.

Freecycle is a good idea ,had'nt thought of that.

Have not thought about area really.
Obviously the children would need to be near the school .
I do't drive so would need to be within walking distance.
Although we live already within walking distance so could be too near to here.

Maybe a fresh start somewhere else although that would mean upheaval for the children.

I am sure the GP would keep everything confidental as you say unlesss things got nasty re the children.

He is not home yet and could be home for 5pm so am not holding my breath.

Is your sister/any other potential support in the same town or just fairly nearby?

My sister and some other family members live about a 40 min drive away.

He is still not home and am feeling really rundown and exhausted.

I feel like going up to bed with my laptop and relaxing.
Think I may suggest this when he finally gets in ,not sure what response I will get.

Just need some time out to think.
The children have been full of beans since getting in from school.

Its worth having a think whether you would find it easier to settle close to them or in your existing town. I know that this would uprooting the children - but you would (I hope) have some family support which would also benefit the children - and remember that they can't enjoy seeing their mum so sad and shouted at by their dad.

If you work out what you want now, if you do decide to leave and/or have to leave in a hurry, you'll already know where you are going to etc which will make it less traumatic.

What time do they normally start going up to bed?

My sister is always I wish you were nearer so I could help more.

The children go to bed at 8pm so start getting ready about 7.15pm

He is still not home,so so much for making an effort.
I did'nt expect he would be.

I think I send you a very un mn ((((((hug)))))) as I think that its in order.

It sounds as though living in the same town as your sister might be worth seriously considering then. Issues like school etc can be resolved - they are not the real problem.

You seem to be a very strong woman inside, even if you don't feel like it. If you weren't you wouldn't be writting as you do on this forum.

I think that ILTiffany's suggestion of thinking where you would like to be (in terms of self rather than location) is a really good idea. Make it attainable, but give yourself something to work towards.

Thanks for the hug,I need it.

I don't feel strong but must be to have survived all I have.

Where I would like to be?

Funnily enough I was thinking about that earlier.

All I want is to be able to relax in my own home .
To not keep looking at the clock and wondering what time he will be home,how drunk he will be,what mood he is in ,not have to watch what I say all the time,not feel on edge all the time,play music when I want etc etc.

He is still not home so expect it will be a taxi home .
I just thought he would have made an effort tonight as he knew I was anxious about the doctors today .
Maybe he is trying to push me over the edge!!

Stars......location wise,the hostels /refuges I was in wanted me away from the ex, not same town. Your location will be confidential. You can't tell him. So if he were to find you in your own town, it would put other refuge residents at risk also,so you may be placed well away from 'home'.

Kids adapt and adjust, even sn. Don't worry too much about upheaval. Just keep that goal in mind of where you want to be.......