To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

Was pondering some of these issues today and thought I'd add:

I go to two toddler groups, onw which has a hugh propertion of SAHM/nannies and another which is almost exclusively working parents.

The first toddler groiup is made up of middle class professionals - women who had good career and then left to stay at home, be an artist, whatever.

At the second almost every parent works 3/4 days a week and 5 are men. The difference is that they are all public sector employees taking advantage of flexible working hours to save on childcare and spend time with the kids.

SO I wonder if there is any correlation - that highly paid private sector jobs just do not accomodate flexible working. And that women seem to be more willing to take the 'career hit.'

(bet I've killed this thread with my tedious post)

I do think flexible working opportunities would have made a huge difference to a lot of us

You are not unreasonable at all - I think you may be right. If you stay at home you are teaching your children the value of being selfless and also that working hard and money are not the only important things in life. In addition to this my mother stayed at home and I have such lovely memories of her taking me to school, picking me and and never being too tired to read a bedtime story. I think staying at home is a nice thing to do if you can afford it.

Just catching up with this thread and I have 3 points to make so far:

1. I don't usually waltz in 5 mins before I start teaching but it is possible. My hours are organised around school hours. Some days I don't start teaching till 10.45 when I would probably drop kids off at school in a leisurely way and be at work for about 9.05 with still over an hour to prepare for my first lesson. One day a week we start with a meeting so I have no problems with going straight into that. When I do start teaching dead on 9 a.m I can drop the dds at breakfast club or dp takes them in or can leave in the playground with a friend. Also I finish teaching at 2.30 at latest and don't have to pick up kids till 3.15 so I have at least 30 mins prep time at the end of the day. I then take work home to do when kids are in bed or at weekends if it's dp's turn to take them to swimming or whatever.

1. The implication that WOHM aren't there to pick up their kids if they're ill is so much rubbish by juule. My workplace is 5 mins away and that's how long it would take me to get there if they were ill.

1. As I've said before the stuff about SOHM and only SOHM keeping the voluntary sector is also a load of rubbish. Last time I had a meeting at the dcs' school the woman serving the tea for the PTA works full tiem OHM in a high powered job. But I know zillions of WOHM who participate in voluntary work for example as school governors etc etc and the nature of much of the work that women do for money anyway is about helping the community - teahing, nursing, classroom assistatns etc.

As I keep saying it is not a them and us situation.

WOHM are parents too and equally important as parents. Just because they're not sitting at home while their kids are at school does not mean that they cannot and do not participate in voluntary work, do homework with their kids, take time off when they're sick etc. I do EVERY single thing that I would for my kids if I were a SAHM and quite a lot of more that I can only do because I work.

"If you stay at home you are teaching your children the value of being selfless and also that working hard and money are not the only important things in life."

sorry but what utter poppycock and how terribly biased and very naive.

what would you think about this view: quite frankly if you stay at home you are lazy and selfish because you probably make your poor husband go out and work everyday god sends so you can sit in starbucks and talk about erm nappies....

like i have said before, i wish women would just stop judging each other and work together to make motherhood easier for all whatever their choice is.

"The implication that WOHM aren't there to pick up their kids if they're ill is so much rubbish by juule"

I think that it has already been acknowledged that you are in a rather unique position with your employment, 5c. I worked about 15mins away from my child..BUT it would not have been appreciated if I had just dropped whatever I was doing to go and pick them up because they were unwell. Sometimes it might have been possible but most times it wouldn't have been.

And yes, I know you didn't just get lucky with the work you are in. It was by your own design and everyone else is so incompetent as not to be able to manage their lives as well as you have.
The fact is that some jobs just don't lend themselves to being able to skip off at a minutes notice. And unfortunately not everyone is as lucky as you have been to find a job which they enjoy, which is as flexible as you describe yours and pays as well as you say yours does.
So, no, it isn't rubbish to say that some wohp can't be there to pick up there kids if they are ill. It was a very stressful time for me and dh if any of ours were ill while both of us were working.

Good post, ickletickle.

'i wish women would just stop judging each other and work together to make motherhood easier for all whatever their choice is.'

I agree, I don't know why they do it. A job or not having a job has nothing whatever to do with being a role model. There is a lot more to it. A WOHM can be a brilliant or lousy role model, a SAHM can be a brilliant or lousy role model-it isn't what they do, it is how they do it.

AllGyrls - I drop off my DS at school, then pick up DD from school bus and DS from after school club (which he loves and whinges if i pick him up early. Every school day. And I read both DCs a separate story at bedtime. Every day. And I work on average 35 hours per week.

It is possible to be a WOHM and still do the important things with your DCs.

And why the implication that WOHMs are selfish? I work to get things for my DCs, not to buy flash cars for myself (you really should see my battered old Ford!)

Agree piscesmoon, I would NEVER come out with the self-satisfied claptrap I have heard from some SAHMs here. It is everyone's choice how they choose to care for their families, none are better than any other, just different.

Stop the preaching SAHMs, staying at home does NOT make you a better (or worse!) mum, just DIFFERENT!

Apologies if it sounded judgmental. I did not mean it to be - I don't judge people for working or not working or whatever they choose to do. I accept I overshot that particular comment about values. The rest of my post merely referring to my experience as a child and not too anything else.

I think you'll find, Jack99, that some WOHMs have been incredibly rude about SAHMs and some SAHMs have been rude about WOHMs.

In just the same way, some SAHMs are good role models, some WOHMs are good role models.

Neither method is right for everyone. Each side feels 'got at' in this debate in some way. Mainly because some people can't resist being superior about their choices...

Stop the preaching SAHMs and the preaching WOHMs!

Jack99 - "I would NEVER come out with the self-satisfied claptrap I have heard from some SAHMs here."

Except that your post appears to attack only sahms.
Are you saying that only sahms have come out with self-satisfied claptrap?

Good point Juuule. The self satisfied clap trap has been incoming from both sides

I think it's useful to talk about these important issues, even though it's pretty bruising at times.

Juuuule - can't speak for others, I only ever speak for MYSELF! I was responding to AliGryll's post. And she has responded in a very positive manner. Thanks AliGryll, you are a very reasonable person.

My whole point was that I am not attacking anyone, was defending myself.

Where in my post am I attacking this whole group known as SAHMs? Just the ones who come out with claptrap!

And yes, to be fair, there has been some b*ks spouted by WOHMs.

I think the bottom line is, both solutions work for different people at different times. Neither should be judged as moral choices. Kids manage to be brought up as healthy and happy individuals by both.

Lets stop being so sanctimonious about the whole issue!

There is very tiny chance to work 2 min away from your Dcs school unless you are part of the 'Estenders' They all work in the sqaure dont they?

For the rest of the people is at least 9 hours work plus total another 2 hrs commuting so by the time you come home it is bedtime for dcs.

sorry i meant square

Sfendona - not sure who you are responding to, but in general I would say that there is a mid way between being 2 mins from school and commuting for 1 hr each way. Quite a few WOHMs choose to work more locally (and possibly take a pay cut) to be within a reasonable distance so can drop off and pick up.

Then again, some work miles away and have to get nanny to do pick ups. Different strokes and all that.

Also helps if DCs school starts at an unearthly early time as do mine!

It wasnt for you, it was after reading 5C s posts.
But for me and all my friends it would be imposible to drop, to collect or to be there iimediately if the child is ill let alone to do any volunteer work at the school

But then again i am in London, maybe this makes the difference ?

I'm not in London, Sfendona, and it would have been impossible for me and a lot of my colleagues and friends, too.

thanks J

feeling better now

i thought i am the only one who misses my dc day and the rest have amazing careers in 3 hours only (!!!)

Sometimes I finish very late and don't see them, and then other days I finish early and am home for them finishing school.

But they do have a father, and I have friends and neighbours with children. So when I am home early, I have a house full of other people's children, and other people do the same for me. The children like spending time together and often kids are just in and out of our house even when there is a parent at home, and mine do the same.

Obviously that doesn't work if you have a baby. But if you have school age children, why don't other parents help you out? The people where I live work all different times. Some start late, or work weekends, or evenings, or nights, or do 35 hours in 4 days or whatever.

It all becomes much easier if people help each other out.

no i didnt complain about luck of help. Oh God my parents are helping i couldnt complain.

But if i didnt need the money so badly i would prefer to spend more time with the dcs myself