To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

But Xenia, the point you miss again and again and again is that not everybody wants to do things the way you want to do them.

That's your blind spot. YOu literally can not wrap your head around the notion of an intelligent and confident woman with a perfectly strong character (and therefore good role model) staying at home for a few years.

My x has Asperger Syndrome and you remind me of him in some ways. You are obviously ambitious, single-minded, articulate, intelligent, focused, determined etc, but you have an absolute blind spot when it comes to seeing this issue from any perspective other than your own. Your starting point in any 'argument' you present is always that people want the same out of life as you do. That being a SAHM makes every person feel the way it makes you feel.

You seem to have you hands over your ears screaming la la la la to the logistical and practical obstacles that are most people's real lives.

I'll work again one day and I've no regrets. I just feel sorry for the mothers who work when their children are tiny because they're terrified of the wrath and judgement and criticism from the many people who think as Xenia does.

Although, most people, when they take on board a few more details of an individual's life they are able to mull it over and accept that that person has made the right decision for their life. Xenia is on a mission to force every woman to work. Taht would be replacing one form of slavery with another form of slavery.

I don't have a husband OR a boss. BUT, I'd rather have a decent husband than a shit boss. I'd like a decent boss and a decent husband but short of waving a magic wand I just have to make the choices that make my and my children's lives the easiest for the time being.
Same as millions of other women.

I think it's a bit pointless to try to imagine ourselves into some life that we're not living and second guess what we'd do!

FWIW, all the parents I know have their children as their number one priority. It's just that some of us choose to work as well.

That last post was in response to Sfendona's

But that's how this thread rumbles on for 755 posts! Everybody thinking that they have all the answers, that they know how other people should live their lives.

I think a lot more people should accept that other people know their own personalities, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, earning capacity, childcare availability etc etc to be in the best position themselves to make the right decision for them.

This 'all mothers MUST work' is an dangerous argument which won't do women as a whole any good.. At the moment we seem to have an element of choice (in theory, usually dictated by money though).

OK vh!

Violet
if this was for me : one can always dream

On a more serious note i am not the only one who talks hypothetically. Many said 'if i stayed home i would get bored' but they havnt try it

I still stand by what i said: different priorities.

And not everybody wants to spent 70 hrs a week in a City office

I was never so bored as when I was earning £32k a year (7 years ago). That was an ok salary back then. Bored out of my f*king mind I was. My children bore me less than my job ever did, hand on heart.

Well said Margot. We all need to find our own way, that which works for us. There is no right way of doing things, in contention to what some pps believe.
I used to get screwed up about these sort of threads. I am a disabled parent and unable to work, ever. I used to succumb to feeling tiny and worthless, and of no value. However I've turned round. I am a good role model to my kids, because I drag myself up when I can and love them. And do they need more? I think me and my dh are giving them all the tools and forming caring sensible attitudes. Why do I need to be working to do that? At the moment my dd wants to be an archaeologist and my ds a computer whiz (which he no doubt will be lol). So it seems their ambitions are not restricted by my own restrictions.

'Have to say I agree with that last point to some extent xenia. When my girls did brownies, most of the adult leaders were working mothers. I don't know whether it's a case of having the organisational skills, the confidence etc'

I used to run Rainbows, as a sahm. Because of the hours most wohm couldnt do it- I really think the hours create the difference. PTA for example here is 99% sahm. Also, as a SAHM I managed a degree and did my finals caring for a 5 week oold, nt 7 yr old and asd 4 and 8 year olds; no organisational skills my perfumed arse!

It's a choice. At some point it may not be as ds1 cannot access childcare and theaby will grow, then I may begrudge it but right now I am happy

I have experienced staying at home in a modified sort of way - for about a year in total (2x maternity leaves and 1x gardening leaves). The evening meals were getting ever more elaborate ... and then I realised I actually needed the stimulation of work.

Margot - it's a shame though when the debate centres on whether it's more 'boring' to work or stay home. It makes it sound as if people's decisions are being driven by negatives - eg giving up work because you're not enjoying your job, or going to work because you're not enjoying being home.

It really is possible to enjoy aspects of both you know!! I love spending time with my children - in particular I've always loved bf, playing with them, reading to them and generally chilling with them. I also really enjoy my job! I can't imagine anything worse than staying in a job that bored me rigid!

'the couple above where the man is going to work less to pick up the child after school is because the woman earns more. if the man earns £50k a year and the woman £20k then she is more likely to give up work' my earniong potential is igher than dh, but he would hate to be a sahp as mich as I hated being a wohm.

But a lot does depend on your life ambitions. We are not driven. DH has the job of his dreams and guess what- 2years in he found actually, it's not that fab. 3 y4ears later we have fixed a life that we are happy with where work isto pay for the bills etc but we live to sit in front ofa tent relaxing. That's where our identity exists. Work fubds that but is not a source of it.

Plus, if I did get aday job we would never see reach other as dh works permanent nights, heading off at 9. Also a biiiig factor for us, and indeed a factor in my Mum being a sahp as Dad worked similar hours

Certainly second that Margot!

Riven, you have not, nor in my experience of your posts and the information gleaned there-in, could you ever let down woman-kind

I posted recently about a phonecall that my cousin gave me tother day. She asked me what it was that i did all day as i do not work. When I told her that i was busy being a mum. I think she didn't get it- being mum is not just a state ob being but requires bloody hard work too. love it though and prefer it to my other job!

I think very few WOHM are criticising SAHM, most of us have been or will be in both camps.

I think, Twinset, that the thread hs been slightly more critical than you think (though your own posts have been perfectly balanced and, like myself, you've been in both camps).

I haven't been through each post individually, but off the top of my head SAHMs have been called/accused of:-

Dullness, drudgery, being poor role models, intellectually unchallenged, Stepford Wives, housewives (my DH said I wish! ) parasites (my own personal favourite), supporting negative sexual stereotypes, letting down the whole female race and eroding the confidence of employers in taking on women!

Apart from that, and the usual cake-baking /finger painting accusations, I think we came out of it all quite well

PS...my keyboard is sticky tonight, so please excuse any spelling/grammar errors [blsh].

I have been thinking about this thread earlier when driving up to the inlaws...and thought what I had done had I not originally trained as a nurse, but had done OT straight-away when younger....and I think, had I done OT, I probably wouldn't have been a SAHM, I think I would have worked part time...but that would have been due to the fact that the work is simply more enjoyable and also that shift work is not so much of a part of OT (although can be)....obviously.. Paywise it is on a similar scale to nursing...so....part of my choice for SAHmumming, if I am very honest, had to do with the fact that I had come to dislike nursing... !

Guffaw at Xenias recent pearls on this thread....sorry...but I can't take it serious, sorrrrryyyy

oh and Twinset...lol at you having your own dick...aka the rabbit....(I think the Rabbit is far superior, tbh... )

Riven, I bet you were mortified....

lol riven.

squilly I do sometimes bumble through life with my rose tinted glasses assuming that everyone loves each I have clearly done it on this thread.