To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

"there is an implication that WOHM do not do the work of motherhood" - where, fivecandles? where is this implication?
implied into what, exactly?
some people choose to stay at home and not return to f/t work when their children are at school because they find at difficult to find work that allows them to manage the school run, picking up at 3pm, illness, INSET days, school holidays, the times when your childminder is ill....
it really isn't as simple as all that

twinset, I work part-time. And dp although a teacher, has the sort of job that he can't bring home. I work when the kids are in bed and if necessary through lunch hours etc. I am also lucky in that dp and I can give each other the odd hour or morning over weekends and during holidays if either of us have a lot of work on. We take it in turns to take the kids to swimming lessons on Sun morning for example so I can work then. It doesn't impact at all on the kids. And they love our work in the sense that they come to our workplaces a lot and know all our colleagues etc.

Little bella puts it better than me.
just because you "don't understand it", doesn't mean it is wrong.
or indeed that it is any of your darned business

Dp and I had the exact same discussion juule, I am a workaholic, I am miserable when I dont work like I do. I have tried to change and it just does not work. Dp is not thank God, he is at home now and works from home while dd is at school. He sometimes puts in a few extra hours while dd is in bed so she does not notice. He is able to take her horseriding and be there to watch, to take her on a walk or bike ride every afternoon after school. Whenever the school ask for parents to go in he is able to and he has even had other parents round for morning tea! DD has a perfect life now.

U know, those who say that they are good role models did you think that maybe you are not role models at all-good or bad.

Children are influenced by the people who spent more time with so just pray that your nannies/AP/nursery workers are good people so your children have good role models.

Sorry to say this but i have been nanny for 23 years and the babies i have looked after are now in high school or uni and guess what every christmas they remember me singing with them the carols and they remember me picking them up and doing everything and they like the foods i liked, they have the same taste in music as me, they have been influenced by me in the hobbies/career they have choosen

You cannot be at two places at once. When you are at work , you are not at home

harpsichord, the implication is all over this and other threads. For example, where people talk about 'missing out'. Well, actually I don't miss out. Not on one second. And when people suggest that it's only SAHMs who contribute to charity work and to PTAs etc which is also rubbish.

LaQ, when I am at work I am not at home, true. But neither are my kids. They are at school!

twinset, you have said on other occasions that you are really passionate about your career and put your heart and soul into your 70 hour week. That is not something that all, or probably most working mothers do though. Well i know you, and Xenia

I have a "good" job. It still takes 2nd place to DH's "good" job though but that is another thread entirely.....I don't put in hours like that though. And if I have to do extra work, i do it when dd is in bed.

Maybe I have a good employer who will let me work from home if she is sick. Maybe I am lucky that my hours are reasonably flexible and as long as everything gets done, no-one is moaning if I nip off early.

DD has been to both DH and my workplaces and has seen that we have her drawings and her photos etc and understands that we love her and think about her whilst she is off having fun.

Where is the implication on this thread?

ok fivecandles
i meant pre school children

Bringing up children is a thankless task. With the exception of the odd Daily Mail article making critical remarks and the debates on MN, society in general doesn't care about how individuals bring up their children (within reason).

I am not really interested in how good a mum someone is or how good someone is at their paid job. To be honest, I am not that great as a parent and I'm not that good at my paid job. Even if I was great at both, I doubt anyone would be that interested.

There was a tv programme about a woman bringing up a number of children with autism, and there are women I know who do amazing and difficult jobs and have kids. These people are role models, but most of us are just ordinary. Mainly I make judgements about ordinary people based on their compassion for strangers and strength of character, not their childcare strategy.

I think a lot of these arguments on MN stem from the fact that there is never going to be a standing ovation for being a SAHM or juggling paid work and home. A lot of people feel cheated by that, but society is never going to be that interested in private family life, because bringing up children, however you choose to do it, is no more than the ordinary task of an ordinary, reasonable adult.

Yes 5 candles that makes sense I started doing 2 days a week and then 2 and it was blissful. I used to go in on my days off while dd was at nursery and get all my marking and planning done so rarely had to do anything at home. I am too ambitious to stay part time though.

DD also loves to come into school actually, the kids make a real fuss of her and often bring things in for her.

thanks happywomble.

although got very emotional writing all that...

I agree it shouldn't have to be women who take the time off and it doesn't have to be, its just that there are more women who chose to make this choice than men because (a) they have breasts and (b) they generally have greater reserves of the patience and energy required to spend the whole day looking after a small child.

what is stupid and very wrong is how hard it is for many women to take a career break at least while their children are pre-school age which many more women would choose to do if it wasn't so damaging to their career.

or indeed for them to get the time off if there kids are sick or needing extra help or attention with homework or behavioural issues without it affecting the way they're perceived at work.

Perhaps there should be an option to take the government money that would be spent on nursery on extended maternity leave if that's what some parents chose.

mrsr, all over. A poster earlier assumed you cannot breastfeed and work. I did. Another suggested you cannot do charity or PTA work if you are a WOHM. That's rubbish. Several posters have talked about 'missing out'. It's full of it.

"because bringing up children, however you choose to do it, is no more than the ordinary task of an ordinary, reasonable adult. "

Dangerous as it may be to say so, I agree with you. It's just what we do. SOme do it better than others, some enjoy it more than others, but in the end we are all trying to do the same basic thing. Bring up our children in love, security and joy. It's not a 'job', it's just what we do. And we do it in different ways.

LaQuitar - so why don't all children become teachers then? That's where they spend most time. As I've mentioned, my DS's current role model is a footballer. He's never spent any time in his company. He's hardly allowed to watch him on TV even as it's usually too late for Match of the Day and we don't have Sky.

you really are lucky five candles

pretty exceptional too

I agree that most people dont work my hours, although I bet a lot more do than we realise. I know lots of people I work with work similar hours to me.

I just think it is nice if a parent is there on tap so to speak, but acknowledge we are lucky to be able to do that. ALthough it was not down to luck we have worked hard to do that and have to give up things in order to fund dp being at home.

Wow, that's very subtle compared to the attacks that xenia unleashes on sahm's.
Maybe if you read her posts you could understand why some sahm's were feeling defensive?
In Ringo Starr styleee peace and love, peace and love
It's all about being happy with what you choose, as everyone on here professes to be

Shouldn't that be a good thing?

not saying you can't breastfeed and work but merely that its not as convenient to pump etc. than it is if you're there on the spot as and when its required, just saying its a factor.

Maybe his nanny liked football?

I was talking about pre school children.

Much of the personality is formed in the first 3 years.

And yes you miss out. Ask any nanny and she will tell you. We see the first step of the baby, we hear the first word, we draw together the first picture, Sorry but you DO miss out. You cant be in two places

yes we all all zombied dumb assed 'servers' according to Xenia

our children need role models- grab your suit girls

I too agree with MillyR, nice way of putting it. Nobody really cares that much IRL (withihn reason), just a ritual on MN. I've been busy with work these past 4 months but nice to see some topics stay the same.

I really don't think there's much attacking going on here one way or another. The fact, is it's an assumption - that I or my kids or both must miss out and be less of a mum because I am a WOHM - that rankles.

As has been said it is not being a SAHM or s WOHM which makes you a good or a bad mum.

But there's nothing wrong with pointing out advantages and disadvantages with both scenarios without attacking or feeling one or the other is being attacked.

lizzid, I breastfed my kids whilst on maternity leave (it's now fairly easy to take up to a year off you know without quitting your job) and then continued when I went back to work after work and at night and expressing.