To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

Would just like to point out that DP and I pay for our children, we do not claim any benefits.

I don't think there is any shame in wanting to stay at home with your children, especially while they are little.

Although mumsnet often makes me feel that way.

housewives dont exist anymore do they

I have 5 sons and i am a bloody good role model to them all

ds1's comments tonight showed me that he respects what i do

i would not post them on here though

(tho they often think they are - shhh - don't burst their bubble )

But women can decide that for themselves, and if it is their choice and is a unified decision then how is it all down to the husband?
Most woemn don't give up work nowadays and there is certainly no social pressure to do so anymore
Just because one is a sahm doesn't mean you can't have a balanced and loving relationship.
My decision to stay at home was much more chilled than that- I always knew that was what I wanted to do when I had children.
The sahd'S that I have met seem to have done so because their wives were the bigger wage earner.
Perfectly sensible

I agree with Xenia

"housewives dont exist anymore do they"

What are they called now, then, because that's what I end up describing my occupation on official forms etc? Should I be calling myself something else?(polite responses only please)

But why do we keep coming back to discussing people's ability to do their best for their own children? That does not make you a role model! I find it very disturbing that so many people think that looking after your own, either by working or staying at home, is how we define role model status. I want my children to be trying for a lot more in life than simply protecting their own family like some mafia member.

happywomble, I breastfeed and work and some days dh feeds ds4 breast milk.
I have one of these and he uses these

i dont live in edwardian england

oddly none of my friends 'serve' men either

serving men would make for a most unhappy marriage

why would anyone do it?

But again - I would say that Xenia could afford to have cast-iron childcare when she had her 5? children.

Do you think that putting my babies in an expensive but shite nursery so I could go to work would be the right way to go?

small orange, there is no need to feel like that - there are lots of sahm's on MN

The point is choice and respecting each other's decisions, I am sure many women who have gone on to fantastic careers have had mothers who stayed at home until they went to school.

juule i would 'never' put housewife on a form

i have a job title but were i a sahm i would put mother

No, not an expensive but shite nursery. If I were spending good money I would expect a good nursery. Like the one ds3 and ds4 go to and love.

smallorange i am with you on the mumsnet 'vibe'

funny how being a paid nanny is a job, yet being a fulltime mum is not.

how odd

Juule

Where I used to work, if someone put SAHM, mother, or housewife on a form, it would be entered into the computer as unemployed. I think this is done quite a lot in other places too, including my local women's centre.

small orange i feel like that on here sometimes too, then i see mrsruff and anna and think ah i'm not crazy after all

Hooray another fucking pointless competitive parenting thread

You are all shit mothers and role models

(wishes she knew the text speak for this)

Well, I'd rather be at home with mine until they go to school. I do lol at the thought that this would make my son a misogynist or my daughter unambitious.
Anyone that agrees with Xenia is bonkers

I think it can be perfectly sensible to put children into childcare while you work and it shouldn't only be the MOTHER'S salary that is taken into account here, MEN should pay for childcare too! But so often the family maths go

Man earns £25k
Woman earns £13k

Right, so if the WOMAN works then the childcare will be £10k out of HER salary and it's just not worth it.

Whereas if you say

Joint income £38k
Childcare £10k
New income £28k
which is the same as £14k each, well, then in that circumstance it is not worth working for whom?

JeanPoole

It is not odd. Ask a nanny with children which part of her day is doing her job and which is caring for her family, and I am sure the difference will become apparent to you.

mrs ruffallo

are you married to the luscious mark?

"A SAHM is only looking after her own children."

only?

of course it might even be a DAD imagine.
would he be unemployed too?
what about parents at home looking after disabled children? unemployed?
women and men looking after elderly parents? unemployed?
is all work to be ignored and unvalued unless it is paid? or is it just "SAHMs" (sic) who are "unemployed"?
fascinating stuff.

MrsR, I haven't called you 'bonkers' or name called because you disagree with me and I'll thank you not to do the same.

omg you are clearly bonkers