To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

polyfilla - I agree with a lot of the points you have made. It is shocking that we still don't have equal pay.

There are women perfectly capable of supporting a family who have chosen to take on the role of sahp.

Sorry - capable of supporting their family had they continued with their career/job rather than choosing to sah.

Sure Juuule, of course there are. But there are VERY few men who choose to SAH once children are born. Or to go part time. Or to work term time contracts. And it's about time men realised that their responsibilities don't end at conception imo. Bringing up children takes time and effort and work and too often it is considered (by men and women) to be women's work. Not fair imo.

the unemployed
people at home caring for others are unemployed?

No reason at all PollyFilla - like I said, I do it myself

But I know that my female friends that work while their partners stay home feel like they're missing out. And I'm not sure that men feel the same way.

Just think it's rather interesting is all.

There are some days when I work from home and my mum is here looking after my DS and I have to say I quite like that - I like being able to hear him having fun but that I can shut myself away. Very Victorian parent!

Technically they are Harpcarrier. They're 'economically inactive' I think in classifcation terms.

So yes they work but nobody pays them for it so I'd say 'unemployed' is a correct definition really. Surely being employed suggests some money changes hands?

HC

Yes they are unemployed. Lots of people are unemployed for all sorts of reasons other than failure to find work. There is not something inherently shameful in being unemployed.

The thing is that men ARE missing out. They are missing the lovely bits and the hard bits and loads of it because they mostly, mainly WOTH. So why don't they take a slice of the SAH action?

Because they don't WANT to! Because some of it is boring and hard work and unpaid and unfulfilling and has no status and they'd rather women did it.

Some money does change hands - on Ebay!

Spicemonster - "But I know that my female friends that work while their partners stay home feel like they're missing out. And I'm not sure that men feel the same way."

I think you make a very good point there,Spicemonster.

no, not true pollyfilla. "they" may not choose to be defined by the fact that they don't have a paid salary job.
people at home with caring responsibilities are not available for work.
a person at home with caring responsibilities has the same work to do whether or not they are receiving a salary.
I don't really know why one is defined, or woudl choose to define others, by the amount of money they earn.

I do not imply that there is any shame in being unemployed.
a nanny at home = employed.
a man or woman at home doing the same thing = unemployed? why? the work they are doing is NO DIFFERENT.

But staying at home is not the norm, PF.
Many women and men don't want a parent at home because they like the money they earn and say they would find it boring.
You're barking up the wrong tree if you think most sahm are there only because their husband doesn't want to be

there

I don't suggest that MrsR but the fact remains that many many men don't want to be at home with children but are perfectly happy for their wives to make the sacrifices required in terms of earnng power, pension contributions, status etc. How kind of them.

And where the men don't want to stay home and the women do and don't consider it a sacrifice, where's the problem with that?

Housewives present a model that women don't work and serve men. Most women don't want to present that model to their children. They would rather show woman as leading surgeon or Chairman of XYZ plc or partner in accountancy firm or whatever. Those are the better female role models and will also make it easier for your sons to accept they may well haev a full time working wife when they have children. It's the boys of stay at homers who we hope our daughters will avoid because they assume girlfriends will all give up work when they have babies. They are boys to avoid.

A cleaner is not a status symbol. In big families domestic stuff takes a load of time up.

actually i'd love to know what % of women do what wrt wohm sahm and for how long.

xenia, so when your ex was a sahd did you expect him to service you as you kept him?
for bed and board

agree ssd good for you

i am a gorgeous sahm
i am great in bed and my dp cooks

HC

They are different. Nannies often have children of their own that they look after when they come home from their job of looking after someone else's (it is a small minority of nannies that live in). A SAHM is only looking after her own children.

There is a very clear difference between looking after your own family and looking after someone else's.

Xenia - interesting point. Our children will not be marrying each other!
I would not be that keen on my DS marrying the next woman prime minister. I don't think either of Mrs Ts children had particularly happy childhoods.

crikey, there are other opinions. People argue the toss over extremes, but the fact is most people think mothers do the best for their kids based on their personal circumsatmnces. The loudest people aren't the majority on MN.