To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

I love the way Xenia just sits on the fence in these discussions.

I hope my daughter has a choice whether to be a SAHM or a WOHM when she decides to have children, and a partner who supports that choice.

There is no way I could afford childcare for two kids.

At the moment I am trying to work out the logistics of childcare for three children; one at school, one at pre-school and one a toddler.

I am desperate to train to be a teacher and get back to work.

How do I work this? You tell me!

I don't see it as SAHM v WOHM. For me, right now, I choose to be at home. In two years time I might feel differently. I don't have to occupy one camp for ever and ever...

Exactly! Honestly, you read some posts and you'd think they were different species...

I am a SAHM (not for too much longer I hope!) but I do think it would be a sad loss to society if the majority women gave up work to stay at home with the kids.

But as I have said before - I think the real issue is good quality, affordable, flexible childcare for all.

I think many women are put off by the cost and quality of childcare and unless they have relatives prepared to heklp out, often decide that staying at home is the best course of sction. That was certainly what happened in my case.

BTW do not spend my days fucking fingerpainting and baking cakes.

Yes llareggub - in a few years we will be back on here waxing on about our amazing careers and pitying the SAHMs

smallorange - your points about childcare and relatives are spot on.

When/if my DD has children I would like to be in a position to help out with the childcare of the DGCs to enable her to get back to work sooner or work part time.

There's an interesting article in the Times today (on bberry so can't link) about the impoverishing effects of economic inactivity. Clarion call to push ahead with the only welfare reform that matters - between the economically active and the economically idle.

There are lots of other reasons why working is being
A good role model for children.

I have seen it on here, several times, and I do take your point.

I don't think that being a WOHM is the only role model, or a better role model, than being a SAHM.
so no, YANBU

Happywomble, what if your dd wants to stay home with her children. Hopefully, you would be just as supportive of that choice, too.

Op, YANBU.

I haven't read the thread, just the OP but I agree with Xenia.

It isn't ideal to show your children that the minute you have children IF YOU ARE A WOMAN that you stop working OTH and just do slavery and looking after children and men. But that if you are a MAN then it's ok to keep working and no-one minds.

When MEN start staying at home in reasonable numbers, THEN I will stop believing that women who work are providing a good role model to their children of whatever gender.

juule - of course I would support my DD if she takes a few years out of her career as I have done.

Smallorange

I seem to always end up making this point in these discussions, but I'll make it again anyway.

I know that there are women, who, through no fault of their own, find they cannot support themselves and their children. Mothers of the disabled, for example.

But lots of other women come on threads and seem bewildered that, to use your example, they have 3 kids and didn't get their teaching qualification or whatever first so have no job. How does this happen? 3 kids don't happen by mistake! How do so many women bring lives into the world without having planned in advance or saved in advance in order to support these lives? I fail to see how these women are role models. Shouldn't we all be aiming to help the vulnerable not become the vulnerable?

pollyfilla - are you expecting men to breastfeed?!

I think it's good for both genders of children to see women working. I can't be arsed to read the thread. I get so very bored by SAHMs attacking working mothers on MN that I can't be arsed.

HappyW, no. But men don't in general (correct me if you think this list is wrong)

Go part time once they have a child
Go term time only once they have a child
get penalised for taking time off for sports days/children being ill/family responsibilities (in fact, they are FETED for doing so, congratulated even)
Stop working once they have a child and have a woman go out and earn all the money while they SAH, lost NI and pension contributions, lose their careers, status in society (I'm not saying it's right, just saying that SAHMS don't have any status)

etc etc

And, actually, I can't see that if you are a woman and you go back to work that you are a "Bad role model" - how could you be? What is bad about working?

I think the reality of childcare and the logistics if it all often aren't all that clear before you have children.

True, the logistics are horrendous. And OF COURSE it's easier if one person is at home. But wtf should it be the woman who gives up work?

I'll answer that myself shall I? Because mostly women are paid less than men, even for work of equal value.

Happywomble - breastfeeding can be combined with WOTH.

I asked my DD (aged 4) today what she wanted to do when she grew up. She said either a ballerina or a fairy. So all my WOTH has not had an iota of influence on her career choices.

I wonder if someone will tell me that even asking the question the way I did implies that I expect her to be working when she grows up and that i'm already putting pressure on her etc.

PollyFilla - I have two friends where the dads are the SAHPs and the mums work. In both cases the mums feel like they're missing out loads and are a bit resentful that they are the ones supporting the family.

I'm a single parent so not an issue for me but my mum looks after my DS one day a week and I find myself being really jealous of her on that day even though I am perfectly happy for him to be at the CM on the other days.

We are complex beasts us mothers

Actually - continuing my earlier line of thought - I don't think we should have ANY distinction between wohm and sahm. It's meaningless.

The distinction is between the employed and the unemployed.

Quattro - are you implying SAHM are unemployed or what?

If so where's my unemployment benefit

SAHMS are classified as 'economically inactive' I think.

Spicemonster but why should it be any differnet for dads? why shouldn't women be perfectly capable of supporting a family?

I would still like the OP to clarify what she thinks is constitutes a "good role model"?

Only a SAHM?
A WOHM?
A SAHP?
Both parents on benefits?
One parent on benefits?
Both parents working?

What?