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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think PIL were mean with DD's birthday present?

103 replies

Moop · 10/03/2009 15:39

I am interested in what people think about presents for their children from family and especially whether grandparents should be fair between their grandchildren.

We have just had DD first birthday and to be fair to my PIL they did a small birthday party for her at our request and MIL made a cake and did sandiches etc and it was very nice.

The bought her a £10 toy (happened to see it in the shop the other day) nothing else. I feel that they have been/are more generous with their other grandchildren and given they have lots of money I feel that there is a little that we can afford things for our daughter hence they won't spend their money on her and I feel a little hurt that they buy such cheap stuff. I am always hearing how hard up their daughter is (husband is a real joke and they have satelitte tv and designer haircuts and things so not that hard up).

I think that grandparents should be fair between their grandchildren and not assess how much income each of us has (none of their 3 children are badly off and it would be different if one couple was really struggling).

I guess the other thing that annoys me is that they don't ask me if their is anything we would like for her - anything we would find useful - it seems that xmas and birthday so far have been the easiest, cheapest plastic thing from the supermarket.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 10/03/2009 15:42

you know what a £10 present for a one year old, who has NO idea that it is her birthday is fine IMO

They also had the grace to make her a party and a home made cake which is lovely and must have cost them money

you sound a wee bit petty - sorry YABVU

SoupDragon · 10/03/2009 15:44

YABU.

100yearsofsolitude · 10/03/2009 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poopscoop · 10/03/2009 15:45

YABU - They did a party, they bought her a present. The cost of the present is immaterial. They remembered it, they celebrated it. That is far more important than the amount spent.

Original poster
Moop · 10/03/2009 15:45

That's pretty harsh!

OK - well I guess I think they could put a little more thought into it. There are lots of nice wooden toys and stuff like that - it's too easy to just walk round the supermarket and pick up any old thing and give it no thought at all. Other people are know make requests for presents which we have never done - I guess you must think that is unreasonable?

OP posts:
megcleary · 10/03/2009 15:45

FIL and Step MIL forgot his firstgrandchilds first birthday my dd and they do free childcare for her children. They had a welcoming party when DH sister had a ds and a huge fuss was made but our child is ignored i never mention it i pop round and visit etc but i have a long memory

MorrisZapp · 10/03/2009 15:45

YABU.

They can buy what they like. Don't see how any family member has an entitlement to anything. No doubt your DCs are swamped with toys and material goods.

Most kids get far too much as it is.

They did cake and sandwiches - making memories which will last much longer than some random expensive gift.

Would you rather they spent their time or their money? Not that sandiwches are free.

MrsMattie · 10/03/2009 15:47

YABU.

They did her a party and a cake and bought her present. She is one and will never remember any of this anyway. To even think about the price of the present is crass in the extreme.

Three letters, my love - P.F.B

Pennies · 10/03/2009 15:47

YABU, and materialistic and greedy.

You don't know how lucky you are to have PILs who even notice your DD.

SoupDragon · 10/03/2009 15:48

Blimey, if you think those responses were "pretty harsh" you won't survive on Mumsnet for long

nametaken · 10/03/2009 15:48

YABU - I'd be over the moon at my PILs throwing a party or baking a cake for one of my kids. Sadly, they never have, nor are they likely too.

Was there something your dd desparately needed that you couldn't afford to get her? Thought not.

Your dd is loved and cherished by her grandparents. Don't knock it.

Tamarto · 10/03/2009 15:48

YABU - She's one, like she cares!

How do you know they put no effort in?

Original poster
Moop · 10/03/2009 15:49

OK - I mentioned the price - that was not my point really - it was that it was just something they picked up at the supermarket and didn't give any thought to.

People I know make requests for things and I am simply saying that a little though going into a present would be nice REGARDLESS of cost - cost is not the issue.

OP posts:
traceybath · 10/03/2009 15:49

I do sort of think though that its fairer if grandchildren all get the same. Perhaps i've been lucky as thats what my parents and in-laws do - they're scrupulously fair.

Perhaps though they thought the party was part of her pressie too . . .

Surfermum · 10/03/2009 15:49

I don't think they were mean at all. They paid for her party and a cake for her as well as a present.

Some people always ask if there's anything you'd like for a birthday, some don't. Maybe they chose something that they thought your dd would like, and it's just your opinion that it's "cheap".

MorrisZapp · 10/03/2009 15:50

Having re-read and seen that it was her 1st birthday I have to say I think you are being VVU.

Pruners · 10/03/2009 15:50

Message withdrawn

RedOnHerHead · 10/03/2009 15:50

If their daughter spends her money on designer haircuts and sattellite tv, then I think it is great that your PIL's spend money on the children if they dont get anything.

Children dont need too many toys anyway. My DS gets spoiled rotten by our parents (Not by us, we cant afford it - and I have NEVER had a designer haircut, or got sattellite tv - dont drink dont smoke). But do you know what? All the toys he has and all he ever playes with is his lego and crayons. Give him a piece of paper and he is happy.

It doesn't matter how much she spent on the present, as long as your daughter plays with it and has fun with it.

ShowOfHands · 10/03/2009 15:51

£10 is "cheap" to you? You sound a little, erm, grasping. I don't mean to sound harsh, but price is irrelevant. How lovely that they had a little party for her.

Plastic tat is unavoidable I'm afraid. Some children even like it.

Don't put a price on affection. Be thankful it's there.

CatchaStar · 10/03/2009 15:51

Sorry, yabu.

It shouldn't be about material things, at all.

They had a party for her, they remembered, they bought her a gift, made a cake etc. Really not seeing the issue here.

My dd has never recieved anything from my exp's side of the family, or exp himself actually and she's nearly 2.

As long as they love her and want to spend time with her, isn't that the important thing? Besides, she wont remember the gift, she's 1!

sazlocks · 10/03/2009 15:51

sorry but I also think YABU. My parents spend shed loads but doesn't mean they love my DS anymore than his other grandparents. Personally I would rather they sat down and read him a story, played with him etc than just flashed the cash. Memories like a lovely party etc mean a whole lot more than what people have spent.

poopscoop · 10/03/2009 15:52

How do you know not much thought went into the present? Just because it was from the supermarket? What difference does it make where it came from, it doesn't mean they didnt think about it.

Methinks you are up for a baptism of fire being new and posting this thread!!

Surfermum · 10/03/2009 15:53

I buy loads of presents in the supermarket. They're brilliant for toys. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

nametaken · 10/03/2009 15:53

How do you know they didn't put any thought into her present. Perhaps they thought long and hard and decided to get her what they did.

And so what if it's from a supermarket. Elderly people often don't feel up to trundling up and down the high street and if they can put other stuff in with their weekly food shop and make their life easier then good for them.

Please, please listen to all the wise advice people are giving to you now.

MorrisZapp · 10/03/2009 15:53

Were you there when they bought it? How can you know how much thought they gave it?

You called them mean in the title. Are they mean in other ways or is it just the present?

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