...or lazy to pay for a cleaner when I'm a SAHM?

[WhoAmILike]

I'm a SAHM with 3 DC aged 5, 3 and 5 months old.
Like all SAHMs I live a Groundhog Day of school run, appointments, shopping, washing up, laundry, cooking, cleaning, parenting, organising etc, etc.
DH works very hard and unfortunately far from home so is away 12 hrs a day often coming home once the kids are in their PJs.
Now I know our house isn't a show home, it's cluttered with toys which irritates the hell outta me but hey the kids have very generous relatives.
This weekend DH (who suffers from dust allergies) criticised about the lack of cleaning that was evident to him in the house, he reckoned he had to take Claritin because the house is so dusty.
I said that I do what I can when I can and I only have small windows to perform tasks especially with a baby that starts to gripe if left to play alone for more than 15 minutes to which he kindly (NOT), suggested I do a small portion of vaccing/dusting behind the furniture and under the beds everyday to keep on top of the dust build up.
As it is most jobs are done with DD strapped to me otherwise I'd get nothing done. My nearest relative lives 30 miles away, so it's not like I have someone at my disposal to whom I could entrust the baby whilst I do a more thorough vac/dust. I do everything around here Mon - Fri.
So DS1 at school for 9am, DS2 at preschool for 9:30am with a 12pm finish and DD with me all day so on top of everything else that is done from the time I open my eyes till approx 9pm at night, I've got to shift furniture on a daily routine for vaccing/dusting?
DD is exclusively BF and since her birth I have been out without her on only 3 occasions, DH on the other hand goes out to his mates at least 4 nights a week and plays sport on another night.
So, am I being unreasonable to think FCUK the extra housework, I'm no skivvy and I aint killing myself for anybody, I intend to spend £12p/h per domestic cleaner of his hard earned cash to do a one off top to bottom blowout on this dusty house behind his back?

If it's £12ph or him giving up his nights out with his mates and sport, which would he choose?

YANBU.

yanbu at all, I'm just jealous

and 4 nights a week is ridiclious frankly

YANBU ! and he goes out how many nights a week !!

YANBU but you know it won't be enough. Damn dust will be back the next week.

Can you have a cleaner every week at least until your smallest DD is big enough to allow you to do more about?

Have to agree with the about him being out of the house 5 evenings a week. Surprised he is home long enough to suffer from dust allergies.

YANBU ! and he goes out how many nights a week !!

(Thanks wrongside!! Exactly what I was thinking!!)well, that and what a fuckwit.

I would have inserted the sodding vacuum cleaner hose someplace uncomfortable if he said that to me!!

3 kids 5 and under - no, you are NOT being lazy or unreasonable having a cleaner! Organise it now. I wouldn't hide it though. Tell him if he doesn't like it, HE knows where the cleaning stuff is and if he complains about the allergies buy him a dust mask!! TWAT.

Nothing at all wrong with paying for a cleaner if your budget can handle it. If your DH has dust allergies it's not that wrong of him to want the cleaning done - but he has no right to insist that it's done by you.

If you have the money and can afford a cleaner, just do it and enjoy life. Housework is plain dreary. I don't fall for any of this glamorising of it. Nigella et al are just pedalling a gimmick because it's a profitable prospect for them and the public like watching someone attractive, educated and privileged choosing to do it. Note the word 'choosing', something few have the luxury of but many wish they did have . For many, it's drudgery with no thanks. Go out, have fun, be creative, do something with your brain, anything but the hell of unacknowledged and neverending housework. Look at it this way too, by employing a lovely cleaner, you'll be helping another family and in a small way, the economy too Never feel guilty about it.

YANBU Get a cleaner! If he/she is good a few hours a week should get all your floors done and bathrooms cleaned (depending on how big your house is). I will def be getting one once back at work - doesn't sit well with DH to pay someone to clean but I've given him the option of doing it himself and you can guess the outcome!

The 4 nights a week thing - OMG, you are a saint putting up with that!

I would suggest he ditches one of his nights out and gets acquainted with the vacuum cleaner

sounds like the cleaning is the least of your issues with your dh

he needs to face reality and fast

and get a cleaner, YANBU!!

He goes out 4 nights a week??? He could cut down to 3 or 2 and use the extra money to clean behind his precious sofa with a gold star cleaner. Even then he's still being bloody unreasonable going out twice a week!!

And yes, most basic reality check - stay in one night and do the vacuuming.

I'm in a very similar situation, children the same age, dh working long hours, he also has dust mite allergy, but do you know what? He does not go out four nights a week! He goes to the gym once or twice a week and out with friends once a fortnight. Usually I don't mind but if I was having a hard time with the children (illness for example), I would expect him to stay in and help.

I manage to make do without a cleaner, but if dh was going out four nights and week and complaining about the mess in the house, then I think I would be entitled to a cleaner!

YANBU - I have a hungry baby and a pre-schooler. By the time I walk back I only have an hour to clean - forget it when DS1 is here! 4 nights a week is awful - especially when he is complaining! Do you go out? DH works 12 hours a day but is away for 14 due to travelling and still helps out if he can - loading the dishwasher if he's waiting for the iron to heat up, giving the living room a sweep & mop when I am bathing DS1 or feeding DS2 etc. You need a long talk. I have just drawn up a list of his and my jobs - not that thats always the way to go but just I think it'll work for me and my DH - I have just given him the jobs I hate (putting the clothes away). Sorry, rambling.

YANBU,

Tell him to stop buggering off out and get the hoover out instead!!!

Definitely get a cleaner, and let your DH know that MumsNet judged him and found him wanting. Four nights out a week, and complaining about the mother of his three young DCs cleaning standards??!! FFS!

I only have one DD but as she doesn't sleep very much at all during the day I use that time to have a bit of a break so YANBU.

It really galls me to hear about people giving advice about how to keep on top of the household tasks by using your precious 'free' time on a daily basis. He seems to have a lot more time on his hands and could tackle this small daily challenge much more easily.

As always in cases like this I don't think the working partner is aware of how much work it is to be at home. My DH admitted as much to me when our daughter was 5 months old and he was at home a lot more during the day - he hadn't been terrible before but is a lot more sympathetic when I complain I just need time to get things done.

YANBU - I had cleaners when my three were ore-school, my DH worked long hours and was away a lot but he didn't go out.
As someone pointed out, one or two nights in would pay for the cleaner.
Btw, is he out drinking on these nights?
That's got to be worse for your health than being exposed to dust!

YANBU, he should give up at least 2 of his nights out and that would leave you the money to have a cleaner in for a few hours each week to do the bulk of the dusting/vaccing etc.

Also can I ask if the dust is bothering him that much why can he not do it himself. My DH has a very mild dust mite allergy but still vacuums once a day, I vacuum in the day while he is working he vacuums later on after dinner (we have 2 dogs as well so we do have to vacuum twice a day)

YANBU, I only have one and have a cleaner. I'd just rather spend my time playing with DS then hovering behind the furniture.