...or lazy to pay for a cleaner when I'm a SAHM?

[WhoAmILike]

I'm a SAHM with 3 DC aged 5, 3 and 5 months old.
Like all SAHMs I live a Groundhog Day of school run, appointments, shopping, washing up, laundry, cooking, cleaning, parenting, organising etc, etc.
DH works very hard and unfortunately far from home so is away 12 hrs a day often coming home once the kids are in their PJs.
Now I know our house isn't a show home, it's cluttered with toys which irritates the hell outta me but hey the kids have very generous relatives.
This weekend DH (who suffers from dust allergies) criticised about the lack of cleaning that was evident to him in the house, he reckoned he had to take Claritin because the house is so dusty.
I said that I do what I can when I can and I only have small windows to perform tasks especially with a baby that starts to gripe if left to play alone for more than 15 minutes to which he kindly (NOT), suggested I do a small portion of vaccing/dusting behind the furniture and under the beds everyday to keep on top of the dust build up.
As it is most jobs are done with DD strapped to me otherwise I'd get nothing done. My nearest relative lives 30 miles away, so it's not like I have someone at my disposal to whom I could entrust the baby whilst I do a more thorough vac/dust. I do everything around here Mon - Fri.
So DS1 at school for 9am, DS2 at preschool for 9:30am with a 12pm finish and DD with me all day so on top of everything else that is done from the time I open my eyes till approx 9pm at night, I've got to shift furniture on a daily routine for vaccing/dusting?
DD is exclusively BF and since her birth I have been out without her on only 3 occasions, DH on the other hand goes out to his mates at least 4 nights a week and plays sport on another night.
So, am I being unreasonable to think FCUK the extra housework, I'm no skivvy and I aint killing myself for anybody, I intend to spend £12p/h per domestic cleaner of his hard earned cash to do a one off top to bottom blowout on this dusty house behind his back?

Oh good heavens, YANBU YANBU YANBU!!!
What is this out-five-night-a-week nonsense?
Why don't you tuck the vacuum-cleaner up in bed next to you - that'll give him a nice surprise when he next comes back from a night out with his friends!
(BTW, yes, get a cleaner).

I'm a SAHM. Yes, that's right a stay-at-home-mum, not a stay-at-home-cleaner or stay-at-home-cook. Household chores are fitted in around looking after my children. If something has to give, it's the housework that goes first.

We pay for a cleaner to come in once a week. It's £24 a week (3 hours at £8 an hour), and yes, it's a luxury. But we would both rather sacrifice other luxuries (like loads of nights out?) for this one. Both of us.

I think your husband is very selfish. YANBU, but don't do this behind his back. He needs to grow up and face up to what running a house and looking after three children really entails.

YANBU
And please would you remember that the money coming into the home belongs to both of you - it is not his money. That makes me farking angry TBH

My DH works over 12 hours a day and he still does all the shopping, all the weekend cooking and lots of other stuff.
Your DH is taking the piss and sadly you are letting him.

Please try and think about what you are teaching your children about their responsibilities within a relationship/family through the pretty dreadful example you are setting

Yanbu. We had one for a few years when all our 3 were v small. We're not loaded by any means but we budgeted for it because the work would pile up and make everyone miserable. There's more to life than being miserable over housework.

Someone somewhere will always pop up and try to make you feel guilty. DON'T BE! Do whatever you have to and use the time it saves to enjoy your family.

I don't think UBU to get a cleaner. It's your life and you do what you want.
But I think it is lazy to be a SAHM and have a cleaner.

YANBU and your life sounds like mine LOL I only have 2 dds same age as your youngest and get nothing done, so I would get even less done with 3
I am lucky as my DH is usually home by 5 so can help with bedtime, away this week and blooming heck do I miss him! I feel for you doing everything every day.
If you can afford to get a cleaner then do it I would but can't afford one

Great post TsarChasm I get nothing done in the house because I spend all my mornings out with dds before I go back to work in September. Enjoy them because they grow up to quick is my philosophy, plenty of time for a show house when they are out with their friends all the time , when they are older.

Good for you Gateau. Fortunately, no one else on this thread does.

You all must be lazy arses then

YANBU. we have a cleaner, and I only work very part time and have one less dc. Do it!

Thing is gateau, it's not lazy it's a question of what I prioritise. It's not like I sit on my arse instead of cleaning, I spend that time playing with DS instead. I'd rather enjoy more time with him and pay someone else to do my cleaning. Simple as that really.

and I think if you stay at home with children you are far more likely to make good use of a cleaner then families who are out of the house most of the day.

I know my house is a mess by virtue of the fact my children are here to make it messy.

Bogey, tt's each to their own, as with most things. But the OP asked a question and I gave my opinion.
I work three days a week, so believe me, getting all the housework done is a hefty task!
I spend loads of time playing with DS too. But I don't get a cleaner because I believe DS has to realise other things need to be done other than me playing with him. It's unrealistic for him to think I can spend ALL my life playing with him and do nothing else. That's the way of the world. And he needs to fall in with that. So he either follows me around while I do housework and "helps", which he enjoys and is doing more and more, or he plays with his toys by himself. Works for me.

YOu might be right - I'm looking at it from through the prism of being on mat leave and so our time together is limited and I want to make best use of it. I imagine if this were a long term set up then I might see it from a different perspective. But the OP sounds like she has her work cut out and the extra help doesn't sound unreasonable.

Plus I couldn't sit and play with DS while a cleaner cleans all around me. I would feel incredibly lazy.

I think the OP it isn't a cleaner that OP needs. I think it's a strong word with her husband.
She gets a cleaner, he does less. Not the solution.

Definitely get a cleaner.

I have a 4 year old, 1 year old and am 19 wks pregnant and there are many things i'd sacrifice before my cleaner.

I also don't think its lazy - i still spend a lot of my time doing housework as amazingly 3 hours once a week just doesn't keep my house clean and tidy for a whole week

YANBU

I am a SAHM. I have DC's aged 5 and 3. I have had a cleaner for about 2 years. She is a lifesaver. I never intend to be without a cleaner even when both DC's are at full time school and I am still at home. DH knows and is fine about it. I told him the other day that i think i have a slighly 'male' brain in that sometimes i don't see the mess/ironing/washing just like a man and therefore it doesn't get done. He didn't argue with me!

So how do other women manage without a cleaner then, both SAHMs and WOHM?

And yes, a once a week clean does not last usually longer than about 5 minutes. So it is me who tidies, cleans, shops, launders etc 6.5 days a week. That's hardly lazy. And that's on top of childraising duties.

Don't why I'm debating this, TBH. It's all becoming a bit inane.
You need a cleaner; I don't.
We are all individual women and make our own choices. The OP asked a question and I answered her. She must have felt what she was doing was a little lazy or she wouldn't have asked in the first place!

You don't need a cleaner.

You need your husband to pull his head out of his arse and give you a hand. If my husband went out 4 or 5 nights a week then complained about my lack of cleaning whilst looking after 3 under-5s I would drown him in a bucket of Domestos.