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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think perhaps this wasn't the most appropriate way to bf baby in a public place?

464 replies

lollipopz · 27/02/2009 14:29

OK I am usually all for breast feeding have breast fed all 3 of my dcs and if they were hungry in restraunt on train etc I would cover and feed them, however this shocked me.
Was in supermarket last night with 2 dds aged 5 and 7. Dds had nipped off to pick up some juice when dd1 rushed up to me with a bright red face and ushered my to the next aisle. There was a woman standing with her shirt unbuttoned feeding a baby who was sat upright in a trolley so every one that walked by could see exactly what she was doing and also had a clear view of her other boob that was hanging out her bra . Not only that the baby must have been about 7 or 8 months and was straining to reach as she sort of crouched to it's level.
Surely this is not the best way and she could have left her trolley and went into the baby room she didn't have that much stuff in there any way.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfGhosts · 27/02/2009 15:43

maybe she was in a rush to finish her shopping and thought it'd be quicker.

I do find it sad that we live in a society where women's breasts are on display all over and the only time that's offensive is if they are actually engaged in the task that they were bloody designed for!!

MrsMerryHenry · 27/02/2009 15:46

That's hilarious! Surely it must have been uncomfortable for both mother and child?

I always bfd in public, have no qualms about that, but was always considerate enough to keep my norks under wraps. Fgs we're in Europe! Boobs are regarded in quite a different way from many other parts of the world.

It makes me laugh when overassertive women (who are clearly the liberated minority, unlike the rest of us emotional prisoners ) demand that we change our viewpoint on breast coverage. I've visited places where some women don't cover up their breasts at all in the villages, but to flash a bit of leg? Now that's just lewd! You wouldn't wear a mini skirt in one of those countries so why not respect our cultural norms when you're here?

I also find too much cleavage distasteful, it's not just a bf thing.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2009 15:54

It's not exactly difficult to spend 2 minutes finding somewhere to sit (and I don't mean a feeding room).

I actually think scenarios like this do breastfeeding a disservice as it gives the impression that it has to be an "all out" affair when the reality is quite different. I've had friends who have fed walking round (Bluewater for example!) with no one being any the wiser so it's not difficult.

MrsTittleMouse · 27/02/2009 16:02

It's a bit of a red herring though, isn't it, the whole Nuts magazine thing? I hate seeing those kind of magazines, and have pointed them out to DH on several occasions when they're displayed at toddler height - it really annoys me.

I am much more relaxed about the public display of breast for breastfeeding than I am the public display of breast for titilation (sp?). But I do think that whopping out both breasts in a supermarket does a diservice to breastfeeding. It gives ammunition to people who think that it's weird and could well put women off breastfeeding themselves, if they don't see that it can be done discretely. I certainly don't want to flash in public! And wandering around a supermarket is very different to finding a comfy seat in a cafe and flashing a bit as an awkward baby thrashes about before you get a good latch.

StealthPolarBear · 27/02/2009 16:11

DivineIntervention, was your post serious?
Sometimes bf is beautiful (most of the time!)
Sometimes it's just about feeding
Sometimes it's tiring
Sometimes it's just about trying to calm your screaming child

mrsgboring · 27/02/2009 16:12

At 7 months I was still having extreme trouble latching. There is no way I could have done the feed on one arm thing, but paradoxically might have managed the supermarket trolley (DS had to be vertical for me to get a good latch and I needed his weight supported on something)

You don't really know what just happened. Maybe the baby had just bashed itself in the face with a toy and the mum was giving quick and immediate comfort while she found somewhere to sit down.

How can a breastfeeder do a disservice to breastfeeding, and why the hell should she care if she is or isn't, quite frankly? Breastfeeding is feeding a baby how nature intended. You don't have a duty to set a good example to other women - it isn't a crusade actually, it's food.

2shoes · 27/02/2009 16:14

I just asked ds what he would think if he saw this..
he said he would be "a bit weirded out"
he is 17, so yanbu

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 27/02/2009 16:16

oh who cares. I don't care where mothers feed their children. It's not my place to think a mother should abandon her trolley and go into some baby room or other when she might be in a hurry and just not want to. Breasts are for feeding children - get the fuck over it.

wotulookinat · 27/02/2009 16:17

Stealthpolarbear, this is a genuine question as I am not a breastfeeding expert at all and didn't wasn't able to bf for long at all, but wouldn't their be other ways to calm the child? Distraction, a dummy?

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 27/02/2009 16:18

And I don't think it's up to me to decide what method of feeding a child is "appropriate" for another mother. Their child, their feeding method.

MrsMattie · 27/02/2009 16:19

I have never felt offended by the sight of a woman breastfeeding in any way. I cannot really understand people who do.

StealthPolarBear · 27/02/2009 16:20

But if she gave the child a dummy then wouldn't there be other ways to calm the child - a breastfeed, maybe?

Horton · 27/02/2009 16:24

I don't know about other breastfed children but my daughter would have been outraged if given a dummy and probably yelled even more. I did try her with one a few times but she just gave me one of those looks.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 27/02/2009 16:28

I am not sure about this "it's what nature intended them for" argument. Women have a vagina, men have a penis, nature designed them for sex but if you came across a couple having sex in the biscuit aisle I am sure an eyebrow would be raised.

Saying that whilst I think it would have been nice for both baby and mother to sitdown and breastfeed quietly rather than in the juice aisle of Asda/Tesco/Sainsbury I don't really think it's inappropriate.

StealthPolarBear · 27/02/2009 16:30

Yes, I agree Libras, it's no more inappropriate than a 7mo having a bottle of milk while being pushed round, something no one would care about presumably?
Although I agree it sounds uncomfortable and awkward and showing more flesh than I personally would feel comfortable with, but that just means she's more flexible (or desperate!) and less inhibited than me!

mrsgboring · 27/02/2009 16:31

There are a lot of peace and quiet lovers on this thread - some babies are manic and like to be where the action is.

tumtumtetum · 27/02/2009 16:31

ROFL at the mental image the OP conjured up for me!

I would have thought pushing the trolley with a baby sat in it latched onto you could result in a nasty yank

MrsMattie · 27/02/2009 16:31
wannaBe · 27/02/2009 16:32

but this isn't about breastfeeding is it? It's about a woman essentially getting her tits out in public - the op said that her other breast was clearly visible and her top was unbuttoned.

I have no issue with public breastfeeding, I don't know if I would have felt confident doing it had I got that far but who knows, but most people who do bf in public say that it is perfectly possible to do it discretely, and that once baby is latched on most wouldn't even realize you were bf. The norm is not to undo your shirt and get both breasts out and bf the baby on one side while the other was out on general display to the public.

There is a difference between someone seeing your baby being breastfed, and someone needing to see your breasts with no baby attached.

No issue with the woman feeding in a supermarket, but inappropriate for the other not-currently-in-use breast to be out on public show.

As an aside, friend (same friend on my "women not allowed too bf in hospital" thread was at park today and when baby started to cry she said she would have t go home. I said "you could feed here?" to which other friend blerted out "oooooh noooo I don't want to see your boobs!"

MsSparkle · 27/02/2009 16:33

"I think it is actually quite sad that our society has sexualised breasts so much that a woman can't get em out to bf in public without everyone getting all."

I must ask, in the days where breasts weren't sexualised like they are today, do you think women back then would have stood with their breasts out in full view in the sop and bf?

MsSparkle · 27/02/2009 16:34

shop not sop

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 27/02/2009 16:35

OH FGS.

All this crap about being discreet. It is not always possible to be discreet, if you are incompetent or in a bad position. And the baby's need to be fed, is more important than being discreet. People just need to get the fuck over it. Really. Please. Get over it. So waht if a woman gets her tits out in public? Maybe she wasn't wearing a nursing bra becuase she wasn't expecting to have to BF that day, or because they were all in the wash. Maybe she didn't realise the other breast was showing. So what? Who cares? Why does it matter?

StealthPolarBear · 27/02/2009 16:38

I'd rather people saw flesh than my grey, holey, tatty nursing bras

charleymouse · 27/02/2009 16:38

Can't see a problem myself. Although a bit suprised she had the other breast out.

Maybe she was unaware in a sleep deprived fog,
OR
Not that adept yet at feeding,
OR
Had a non feeding bra on as she had just fed baby at home before attempting to get some vital supplies.

I would actually find it easier to feed and push a trolley with a baby in the trolley seat than try to push wonky wheeled trollies and feed baby in tummy to mummy position and yes she may have been pushed for time.

Cut the poor woman a bit of slack she may end up on one of those CCTV programmes.

I don't usually post on AIBU as like to think of most of these from both sides for example she could post:

AIBU to expect people to give me a bit of help when I am obviously struggling with a trolley of shopping and a baby who is demanding a feed IMMEDIATELY. They were fetching other people to come and stare at me and pointing. It is enough to put you off BF when other pregnant mums with children don't even help you out.

Good luck with the birth L'popz all is forgiven as you are hormonal and recoghnised she was brave. Shame on you who criticise a woman for doing what nature intended her breasts to be for.

Cadelaide · 27/02/2009 16:38

funny thread