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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for £5 donation to a fund to buy a playhouse instead of a present?

114 replies

chuffinell · 27/02/2009 13:34

Its my DDs 4th birthday and we have invited 18 children to her party, she also has lots of family

we are already overwhelmed with toys at home. Wd it be rude/bad manner/cheeky to do the above?

OP posts:
Original poster
chuffinell · 27/02/2009 13:36

not that i would expect a present off each child/person, but most people do, dont they?

i would say 'dont feel obliged to buy a present, but if you really want to.....

OP posts:
justaboutindisguise · 27/02/2009 13:37

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justaboutindisguise · 27/02/2009 13:38

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Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 13:39

Yes it's rude, you might just get away with it with family but I wouldn't even consider asking it of her friend's parents.

Whoopsybigtime · 27/02/2009 13:40

I would say 'we have lots of toys in the house and DD has her heart set on a playhouse so if you could put something towards her playhouse instead of a gift that would be fantastic'

MrsTittleMouse · 27/02/2009 13:41

It's not very nice for a small child to give another child money though, is it? You can't wrap it up and it doesn't have any "substance". Sympathies for the "overwhelmed with toys" though - we're already like that and DD1 is younger. Could family give the money, instead of the friends?

joshhollowayspieceofass · 27/02/2009 13:42

Hmm - it makes complete logical sense but I'm afraid, whichever way you cut it, it's probably a bit rude (unless family members). I just don't think you can go around dictating how people give you gifts, it's just not good manners. It doesn't matter how little you are asking. So I think you will just have to suck up the unwanted tat presents

But I am a hypocrite as we got honeymoon contributions for our wedding I just realised, so don't listen to me

Smee · 27/02/2009 13:44

Won't your daughter be upset? Parties we go, they all take presents. Even if it a present only costs a couple of quid, the kids love giving and the birthday kid loves opening - it's part of the party imo. I can see 18 more bits of tack is going to be a challenge, but it does seem a shame for your dd to me, as at that age presents are a huge part of the party.

PandaG · 27/02/2009 13:45

I think in this situation I would either

ask for no present at all - and if people query this say, well we are overwhelmed but DD is saving up for a playhouse so if you really want to give a present something towards this would be appreciated

or, ask relatives and close friends to contribute to playhouse and accept presents from school friends. I often ask what the child would like when replying to an invite, and have been more than happy on occasion to give cash (or Euros for holiday spends) if that was suggested.

plonker · 27/02/2009 13:45

I think its rather rude tbh.

I would ask family and friends and those I know well but as for dd's little friends (and their parents), no, I wouldn't dream of it.

JemL · 27/02/2009 13:48

You could put something on the invite like "DD already has so many lovely toys, clothes and books, please don't feel you have to bring a present to the party."
Then, when people say to you, Oh, I can't bring nothing! you casually mention the playhouse fund - "we are asking family to do this and perhaps you might like to too?"

I have been to small childrens parties where the parents have done something very similar.

FlorenceofArabia · 27/02/2009 13:48

YABU. It's just not done.

nickschick · 27/02/2009 13:48

I think this is a really good idea and you could just word it similarly to how panda suggests saying that 'dd is wanting a playhouse so instead of gifts would you put coins of any amount into an envelope and pop it into the box mared playhouse fund.

Id be happy to do this if it were a friend of my dc.

Let us know what you decide and how it goes this could be the start of a trend.

JemL · 27/02/2009 13:48

I meant to add, I think it is fine to just ask family directly!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 27/02/2009 13:50

rooooooode!

Galava · 27/02/2009 13:51

Its sensible.

But no. Its not polite at all.

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/02/2009 13:51

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wideratthehips · 27/02/2009 13:52

i think you can ask family (we have!) for a donation towards a big present.

i wouldn't dream of asking my childrens friends parents for cash.

also your dd will enjoy the presents from her friends, who will i imagine have had some input into choosing the present (from experience with my own 4 yr old).

children love giving and recieving presents

PlumBumMum · 27/02/2009 13:55

I would do it with family not too sure about her friends parents, I have done this with family before

PlumBumMum · 27/02/2009 13:56

Although I would love it if dcs friends parents said stick a fiver in a card

TotalChaos · 27/02/2009 13:58

YABU. Bear in mind people may already have a stash of sales bargain presents for this purpose, so won't want to have to budget for a fiver.

tootiredtothink · 27/02/2009 14:01

No, no, no, no, no!

Tis very rude.

Just had ds birthday and a number of people asked what he wanted (I would want him to have nothing as he has too much crap here at the mo, but it's not about me), so I just said he loves action figures - a wide range to choose from.

The joy he got from opening presents was worth all the stubbed toes I'll get from stepping on the buggers.

Ask family (if they ask what to buy him) but not his friends.

BusyBeeWithThree · 27/02/2009 14:05

We had an invite to a boys (7) party that said a similar thing. It said "I am a very lucky boy and have lots of "stuff" so if you were thinking about buying me a present please could I have a few pounds to save up for something special"

Personally my thoughts were what a spoilt brat!!!!! I would be too ashamed to write something like that on my invitations but we did give him a fiver.

I agree with totalchaos!!

MrsMerryHenry · 27/02/2009 14:08

I think it's a great idea, but agree that you shouldn't specify the amount. Also perhaps you could say something like 'please don't feel you have to buy a gift, but if you'd like to contribute something, we'd appreciate a small donation (blahblah) as our house is already chock-full of toys'. If you make it light-hearted and say you're not assuming people will spend (especially in these dire financial times) I think it should sound fine.

duchesse · 27/02/2009 14:09

Presents are a bonus when you have a party. I don't think you can specify what people give her- I do think that would be rude.